I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, July 21, 2013

I'm so confused


I haven’t been doing much posting. I’m so confused, bewildered, tense, nervous … are you catching my drift. Mixed into all this is excitement and pure joy.

It all has to do with publishing. I’m finding out how much goes into this. The people at Lazy Day are great and are being very helpful.  They are suggesting I get a Facebook account, twitter, Amazon author page, join Goodreads, much the same advice I’ve gotten from Ana and Celeste. I don’t mind doing this at all I want to get the word out about the book. I have a friend who has offered to guide me through this process so I’m good.

Until I think about my blogs…

I think I can work out something about Cassie.  It’s this one I’m worried about. So let me lay out my questions and concerns and maybe some of you will have some idea and reassurances for me.

Obviously all this is being done so that most of my real life friends won’t know about it – but many will. Many of my RL friends know I write spanking fiction and that fact doesn’t bother me (or them) a bit. I’m really relaxed about it now. The only people I would really like to keep in the dark are my bosses.  Knowing them like I do, I don’t suspect they are big followers of spanking fiction (they aren’t cool enough) and I really don’t think anyone else would try to make trouble for me, but as Nick mentioned, it only takes one.

So as I begin my new FB there are friends in RL I’d like to invite as friends so that they will know more about my writing. I don’t, however, want them coming to New Beginnings. New Beginnings is ME, the whole me with nothing to hide. I don’t want my sister here, I don’t want my S’sIL here, I certainly don’t want my kids here. Here I can talk about real spankings in my life, sexual experimentation, deep desire for discipline and submission, anything I want to talk about. This blog is my haven, half diary, half relaxed conversation with my closest friends.

I want this blog to remain private – not private, private – but private from my real life friends. I don’t mind any of you or my lurkers knowing I like things like figging and light bondage along with my spanking, but I don’t need my family or my mom’s old friends or my co-workers reading about it!

I feel like the FB would be somewhere to point people back to a blog about my writing. Would it be reasonable to begin another blog? This new blog could be somewhere to promote what I’m writing and to showcase the writing of my friends. You know I’ve always love letting you know when new blogs open or when friends like Ana or Sunny published. I wouldn’t link back to this site or all of my friends – maybe just those that want to publish. That way I could have New Beginning remain the way it is now, just me farbling along about – whatever strikes my fancy, spanking, my kids,  work, complaints and praises for Nick.

Am I fooling myself? Am I completely worrying over nothing? I mean how many RL people care that I have a blog or would bother to come read it if they did know. My dad always said, ‘You wouldn’t worry so much about what people thought of you if you realized how seldom they did.’

But still I worry, this is my dream. I’ve wanted to write Cassie’s book/books since I was a kid. But I’m no kid now and I don’t want to lose my job. 

I want to promote my book and get to know get to know others who have books to promote, but what worries me the most is that I don't want to lost what I have here - a place to be me, to let down my hair and be accepted and understood by friends. I'm seriously thinking about an additional blog. Can you feel my confusion?

Does anyone have any soothing thoughts or advice for me?

46 comments:

  1. I have no words of wisdom, PK - just a great confidence in your wisdom. I believe that deep down, we all know what the right thing for us is....it is just a matter of being able to hear it.
    Good luck and many heartfelt congratulations!
    hugs
    lillie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lillie,
      I'm not sure about the wisdom, but I sure appreciate your support.

      Delete
  2. I would get a new blog, new email, new everything and don't link it back to this blog. You can send emails to your friends giving them the new info. Do it under your author name.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sunny,
      Seems like most everyone agrees with you, including me. I've never really opened up a blog on my own. I had incredible help back then. I'm going to have questions.

      Delete
    2. I will help. When I first did mine, I had no idea and eventually figured it out with help from Hermione and others. Glad to help.

      Delete
  3. Sunnygirl has some good advice but can you use a different computer with a different IP address so you new blog won't lead back to this one? I am not high tech enough to understand all of this and whether that is possible but just a suggestion. On the other hand, can writing spanking fiction put your job at risk even if your bosses found out? Are there any rules spelled out?

    FD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FD,
      About the risk - I honestly don't know. Maybe on one would care, but at the least it could be embarrassing if they wanted to make it so. I'm not particularly high tech, but I have friends who are!

      Delete
  4. I agree with Sunny. Keep this one like you have for these many years. Do not change it at all. Create a new blog to facilitate all the new professional stuff. Anyone you wish on both sites you can invite.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Minelle,
      I think that's what I'll do. Now I have to figure out a lot of things about creating a new one.

      Delete
  5. If it helps any, I have another blog for some of our other stuff. And facebook, and pinterest and twitter. I know who I am in each one and I can keep them all separate. You will do great what you chose to do. Relax, take a deep breath and it will all be good

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blondie,
      I'm pretty good at keeping all different personality separate. I may be calling on you for help if you don't mind.

      Delete
  6. I agree with Sunny in kink Cassie to this blog and make a whole new blog away from here..make sure there is nothing on this blog that would give u away in case they went snooping around so u would have to delete any post on this blog that refer to Cassie such as the one u posted about getting published etc..because if we reply to your new blog then people in RL my click on us and click on that person then click on you..make sense? Lol

    I've worried about the same..I'm soon goin to publish hopefully and want a facebook page so I'm goin to have to go incognito as well ..

    hugs and excited for you
    Daisy.

    P.S. don't forget to tell me about the new blog lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Daisy,
      It gets confusing doesn't it? But I think it's worth the trouble. Now I just hope I'm right.

      Delete
  7. Hey PK...Think Sunny has the best advice...set up a new email account under your author name and then use that email to create a facebook page, blog, twitter, etc. for all of your 'author and publishing' info and announcements.

    I'm sure you will be fine.

    Blessings,
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cat,
      I think I'll be doing all that - except maybe tweeting - don't know a things about that.

      Delete
  8. Sunny girl is right. I have done the same to start blogging. Everything new that is related only to this blog, and can not be linked to my RL name or RL FB page.
    If I want, I can always give this information to them, which I like.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mona,
      I've done that a little. Mostly try to keep one FB account just for the real life folks.

      Delete
  9. PK,
    your father was/is a wise man.
    No real advice, just be comfortable with what you do.
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paul,
      I agree with you about Daddy! The minute I retire I won't care who knows. I don't write porn, and the spanking is between consensual adults - and none of that is illegal, immoral or fatting!

      Delete
  10. You have god advice here already. I understand your concern, it only takes 1 person to expose you. We all want this blog to continue as it is..good luck.
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abby,
      I'm taking this advice and really hoping everything works out.

      Delete
  11. I think you should set up new blog as Sunny says.
    As someone who works in schools myself I am only too aware that there are some who would readily skew what we write about here to make it seem to the detriment of the children. I wouldn't take the chance of my employers finding out, I don't think you are being over cautious here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Janey,
      I'm sure some could read it wrong. I'm going to be myself, but I'm going to be careful.

      Delete
  12. Hey PK, I understand your concern and think Sunny has the right idea too. This option would probably give you more piece of mind too.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Roz,
      I hope it will give me peace of mind.

      Delete
  13. Nick is right, it only takes one. I think SG has good advice. Maybe think about that. You have to be comfortable with what you do.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ronnie,
      Sunny's a smart cookie! It will take a while to get set up, but it'll get done.

      Delete
  14. I have no advice, I am totally hopeless with technology, I expect Sunny is right though, set up everything to do with the book in another name and link Cassie to that one not this. I don't do and never will do facebook, I wouldn't want my pupils following me on there and really I am not that interesting . If my friends want me they can pick up the phone. I hope you don't change this blog though, I am so excited to read all the Cassie stories in print, I hope everything goes well
    love Jan.xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jan,
      My real FB is extremely dull, and I tell my kids the first day of school if they want to be friend, just send me a request once you graduate from high school. But I keep it dull, nonetheless.

      Delete
  15. I use to write and I was published but I used a another name for my writing persona so you might want to consider that and anything to do with your writing under that pen name so no one will mistakenly happen upon NB.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tiffany,
      I'm going to try. I hope it will all work out.

      Delete
  16. Hi PK,

    I agree with Sunny and many others. I think you will want to create an entirely new identity with zero crossover connections. Given your occupation, any leakage at all could be disastrous. No one should be able to Google your real name or any close derivation and find anything even marginally controversial.

    As a result, the Cassie blog won't be as easy to manage as it might seem. There are lots of connections between this blog, that blog, and your internet identity, both in the blogs and in the comments. It would be a huge undertaking to split them.

    I think your best option is to create an entirely new persona and sanitize the text you plan to publish. Still, you may want to consider taking down the Cassie blog. Otherwise, if someone Googles a sentence from your book about Cassie, they will find Cassie's blog and then yours. If you choose to leave Cassie's blog in place, even she and Tom may need new identities.

    There is one other option and that would be to not try to separate the books from the blogs. In that case, your challenge would be to make sure no real world people can trace any of them back to real world you. In this scenario, you would want to stay far away from FB or at least discuss exclusively vanilla topics there.

    This publishing opportunity is exciting, but it presents difficult choices. Whatever you do, please protect your superhero secret identity.

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bonnie,
      Thanks for thoughts and suggestion. You surely have some valid points. I'd give anything if I could retire right now. It's soon, but not soon enough. I'll be giving all this a lot of thought.

      Delete
  17. I've thought about this long and hard. I already have another personna for when I write, but I had to ask myself whether I was more worried about my family and friends getting to know what I wrote about, or anything getting linked back to my new friends in the community here.

    And to tell you the truth, it is the people here I am the most concerned about. I would want to protect them at all costs.

    I spoke to my daughter only this week. I told her I needed to talk to her confidentially about my writing. I asked her how she would feel if people knew her mother wrote in a highly descriptive way about certain sexual acts, within my stories. She thought for a moment and told me that it wouldn't bother her at all so long as I was happy with what I was doing. She thought the rest of our family, and our friends, would just have to cope with being close to an erotic writer. However, I did not mention spanking and cannot bring myself to do so. It is completely private between her father and myself. So, a quandary. And I would have to ask you PK - how do you explain to your family that you are a successful published writer but that they may not read your books? For me, it would be a big problem.

    In England we do not rely so heavily on the internet to advertise our literature. A local girl recently had a huge feature in our local paper about the fact that she has just had book number six published - very erotic literature too!

    I find it very annoying that one may write all things erotic and no-one could care less, yet mention the word "spanking" and ears prick up and eyes are out on stalks. It is so unfair that we have to hide as we do! What do all other writers who have children do about their writing? Please give us some words of wisdom.

    The only thing any of us can do is to have yet another new email account and an entirely different personna on an entirely different blog/facebook account. And even then, I think anyone who was determined enough, could find us. As Bonnie says, it presents difficult choices!

    Hugs

    Ami

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ami,
      I've thought about this for so long - my friends and family know I have a book coming out. I've told them that it's different and that I really don't think it will be to their taste, but that I'm writing for a specific genre. I really don't worry about what they think, if they like it they'll tell me. If then don't (and most won't) they will ignore it completely. That's okay too.

      Delete
  18. Hi PK,

    I can't add anything to what has already been said, except to reiterate that you must stay away from Facebook at all costs. When you invite RL friends to your spanking author page, you cannot know or control who they have friended, and who will have access to your identities.

    I would advise you to postpone your publication plans until you retire or are financially comfortable enough to give up your income. Better safe than sorry.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hermione,
      thanks and I am listening to you all. While I do feel like this is the time to publish, because none of us knows what the future will hold, I no longer think I'll invite any RL friends to any of my possible computer homes. Only a very few will know I've actually published - those I trust completely and they can read it if they like with out knowing about the blogs.

      Delete
  19. There is a lot of good advice being offered here. I have no words of wisdom to add. Use your intuition, talk to us, your friends, and see how it feels when you say it out loud, then sit with it and talk again until you find what is going to work best for you. Sending loving support of a friend! :-) Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what I need most, Terps, thanks

      Delete
  20. PK, lots of great advice here from Sunny and company. FD is correct about considering using a separate computer to have a different IP address. Your accounts also can be linked (detected) through your service if your phone number or credit card is linked to your ISP.

    Bonnie has a really valid point about how interconnected your blogs are, and how easy it would be to have them be linked inadvertently or discovered deliberately with a little digging. I know I have difficulty with my cell phone apps and software plus Google wanting to link or multiplely manage my accounts.

    I think Hermione is right, too, if you can stand to wait.

    I know they are expensive, but you might consider consulting an attorney or legal advisor, preferably one who has experience with writers, publishing, publicity and privacy. Many writers use pen names for various reasons, and a pro could help you enormously. It also would be helpful to know what rights you have regarding your job, considering your subject matter and being a teacher. Protect yourself going in, rather than find you have to defend yourself later on.

    I'm really happy for you, and how you can resolve all of this to allow you to keep this blog. I think having this place to be you is as important to you as it is to have Cassie's story published.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a good idea to consult an attorney. However, look what happened to JK Rowling. She wrote a novel using a different name, and her identity was revealed - by a person from her law firm!

      Delete
    2. You're absolutely correct, Hermione. There is that risk an attorney would violate confidentiality, even with a signed non-disclosure agreement. I've had my own attorney betrayals for other issues. Still, I think it is prudent to know our legal rights and responsibilities. I wonder whether she would have to disclose her pen name to obtain specific advice, or have contracts drafted. Hopefully, someone in the community has had experience with this and can help her more specifically than our conjecturing.

      Delete
    3. An attorney is a definite thought, I've never dealt with one before. But it's a good suggestion.

      Delete
  21. Interesting discussion here. I agree that you ought to keep it very separate. I just "came out" to a couple friends and it was great, but I don't want them to be FB friends w/Celeste (I expect it would be a bit odd for them to explain too).

    I agree that you should get a completely new email, facebook and other social media accounts for your writer self. I try to use Internet Explorer for Celeste things and Google Chrome for Real Life me. It's not foolproof but I am less likely to slip up...fingers crossed.

    I know it would be great to share and have the support of your r/l friends, but it seems like the risk is just too great.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's excellent advice that several mentioned - and I've followed it! I will be publishing as PK Corey. Thanks for caring enough to send advice.

      Delete
  22. I don't understand most of the suggestions above but I do understand your need to be comfortable with privacy. Please do what you think best and try to keep all of us computer illiterate lurkers in the loop. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete