I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Thursday, January 03, 2013

Got any ideas?


The reasons I put up my post about first world problems was not to tell you I was going to stop whining and complaining out here – it was just to let you all know that I’m aware of how good I really have it.  I want to be able to rant about my little problems here and get your advice, but I also want everyone to know not to take me too seriously when I complain – I especially want me to remember not to take myself too seriously.

That being said, I want to complain.  My goal for this vacation was to do little or nothing.  That’s exactly what I’ve done – little to nothing, and now I feel like a big blob who has wasted my time.  I’ve gotten a little writing done, but not as much as I should have.  Things are hopping over at Cassie’s, she’s been so busy I can’t even figure out how to tell it all, but she usually stays on me until I do.

Here things are not hopping, everything is just spreading like sludge. The gang, Badass, Wimpy and PK are still missing (off with Bas’ Little Wicked Demon Rogue’s Dopp no doubt) but that does me little good.   But there is something else missing. I’ve had the fantasy, dream, and desire for dd since I was a kid.  It was exciting finding the blogs and coming out to Nick.  It was exciting as we first began, discussing what we were doing, laughing as we found new toys to try.  I pushed a lot for some type of discipline back then – even though I knew it wasn’t Nick’s thing.  But back then, who knew, he might try it and actually like it.  The wondering and hoping was exciting.

But last year I decided to grow up and accept that that part of the fantasy wasn’t in the cards for us for lots of reasons. It wasn’t Nick’s desire, we really had no ‘issues’ to resolve in such a way, and evidently I like doing what I want, when I want, with no one bossing me in the least.  So that should have been it – problem solved.  Stop looking for discipline and enjoy the fun, erotic side of TTWD.

Well that works most of the time, but sometimes I feel a ‘mood’ coming on.  I feel like we’re in a rut. I feel like we have nowhere to go from here.  Here’s not bad, I like where we are, but… even great gets ordinary after a while.  I think it’s the mental/emotional aspect I’m still longing for.  When I get like this I get annoyed when Nick ‘suggest’ I do thing.  I’m not very nice to him in my head, although I’d never say anything unkind to him aloud.  In my head it runs something like this “Don’t ‘suggest’ I do anything.  If you want me to do something, tell me to do it or you’ll bust my ass and then follow through.  If you’re not willing to do that then stay out of my business, don’t try and tell me what to do, leave me alone.” I withdraw whether he realizes it or not.

I know part of this is coming from having Mollie home and having very little time for any adult playtime. I know for some women this would leave them frantic and ready to lock the kids out for some of that adult time.  Unfortunately, I just go into mommy mode or something, I lose the mood completely, shut down and go into my own little world.

I guess what I’m looking for are ways of keeping TTWD new and exciting after many years. If any of you have suggestions I’d like to hear them.

31 comments:

  1. As usually you're post is packed with wise solutions. You don't need anyone to tell you what to do, just need someone to TELL you what to do (if you get what I mean).
    OK, I'll be the joker. You cannot kick me across the Ocean! I hope.
    "Even great gets ordinary", does not mean that it is not great anymore, just that you are not surprised by "great" anymore.
    You suffer from a serious case of being in Paradise and hearing the wild geese honk in the distance. You know that you won't leave Paradise, but staying there makes you feel like a lotus eater.
    You don't want to be a lotus eater? Stop eating the damn stuff!
    Don't compare Nick with that "perfect image" in your head (Look who's talking, I do that all the time with Lisa).
    Why don't you try to let Nick improve Paradise? Bring him some of PK, for him to enjoy and do what he likes.
    Try to stop wanting to have everything and then hate it when you get it. Give some of it to Nick.
    Come on PK, you know what to do!
    You also know that Nick loves you too much to talk to you like: "Come here you and do or else .
    Don't wait for him to say it, he's too nice a guy, just accept that he probably has been thinking along those lines. And act!

    Oh, and when the nest is empty again, I'm sure that Badass, Wimpy and PK will be back. The Wicked Little Demon is already back home!

    Love you,
    Bas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don’t be so sure I can’t kick, I know the way to the airport! I know you’re right. Nick is giving me everything he can – I’m not complaining about him. I’m complaining about me! How can I have soooo much and yet the old fantasies just won’t leave me alone?

      I hope the girls will come home once Mollie leaves, they usually pop in and surprise me anyway. Trust me you’ll know when they arrive.

      Delete
  2. PK,
    I'm still spanking Badass, Wimpy and PK to come, I'm sure they will be back soon.
    I can't really add anything to what Bas has said.
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Paul,
      Please spank them good and send them on their way - soon!

      Delete
  3. I have no sage advice, we haven't been doing ttwd all that long, so we haven't gotten in a rut, yet. Also, I'm one of those Mom's that is ready to lock my kids out of the house to get some privacy, lol :)Maybe you should tell Nick what you told us, possibly he has some ideas?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Faerie,
      I would give ANYTHING to be one of those mom's!! I want to be that hot, sexy, seductive wife that Nick deserves. But i'm just not there. I'll take any advice you have to share.

      Delete
  4. I love Bas. So I can't add anything else. He is a fountain of wisdom, our Bas.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ana,
      He's a jewel. I know he cares and I appreciate it.

      Delete
  5. I have to agree Bas pretty well sums it up.I have to add,Master said one of my goals for this year is asking for what I want/need, especially the need component. I tend like you to shut down..it really does not work well, as we both know.
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abby,
      If I knew what I wanted I'd ask, it's too vague. I don't understand it myself, how can I ask Nick for it?

      Delete
  6. Well I hear you. You have always been able to communicate, and Nick has always wanted what you wanted. I bet as soon as Mollie leaves, you are going to be surprised!
    I for one know how hard it is to play with the older kids around.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Minelle,
      I can communicate well HERE, the written word - that is once I fully understand something. Speaking to Nick, I'm a blithering idiot. But you're right, older kids around is a TTWD killer.

      Delete
  7. Like always, communication is key, and from reading your posts, I get the feeling that's usually a strong point for you two. I hope it goes in whichever direction you hope for. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brat,
      Actually communication has always been hard for me - hard when I know what to ask for, impossible when I don't know.

      Delete
  8. Anonymous12:52 PM

    Yes, what they said
    Talk to him about what you are feeling, needing. I am sure he will provide a solution for you and you'll probably like it to boot :)

    CB

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon,
      I know you're right but it sooooo hard. It's so much easier to pretend that everything is perfect. It's a mood, an atmosphere I'm looking for that has to come from me and not Nick.

      Delete
  9. I have to defer to the wisdom of Bas on this one as well, PK. It is sage advice for all of us.
    And the kids, we love them to pieces but they sure cramp our style....hang in there, sweetie
    hugs
    lillie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lillie,
      I hope we all right blaming the kids (it's so convenient) but what do I do if the girls don't come back after the kids leave?

      Delete
  10. Happy NEw Year PK. I have to say that Bas has said everything....nothing else to add really except that I sincerely hope you get what you need my dear friend...Im pretty sure you will ;)
    hugs kiwi xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kiwi,
      I sure hope you're right!

      Delete
  11. I have to say I know just how you feel and I agree with Bas. It's hard to maintain that level of "nirvana". I think we have to go through the valleys so we enjoy the climb to the peak. Unfortunately, after a while the peak gets to be the usual and it's boring. I think we should both take Bas' advice and see where it takes us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sunny,
      I'm more than willing to take his advice, I hope he's right. I want to be a better wife and trust Nick to understand what I need - but how will he know if I don't?

      Delete
    2. And therein lies the problem. Another friend (vanilla) and I were just discussing this very thing the other day. It's hard to communicate your needs when you don't know what they are, or if they are ever changing.

      Delete
  12. Can't say it any better than Bas did and hopefully once Mollie is back out of the house, things will get better.

    Blessings,
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cat,
      Keep your fingers crossed for me. I'll let you know.

      Delete
  13. PK: I can understand you fantasy. You'd love for him to come home one night and tell you that he's let you slack off too much. He is now taking charge. Alas, you know he's the one who slacks off but you love him so you live with it. The good thing is you can come here and vent your frustrations. I hope it makes you feel better and you can do it again the next time your frustrations build. That's what we're here for. Good luck. And I know you know that you're still lucky to have him even if he isn't into the lifestyle in a big way.

    FD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FD,
      Thanks, I do love venting here. I think both Nick and I are doing our best most of the time, but sometimes we both get slack with some of the things we both the other likes. We'll work on it.

      Delete
  14. HI PK, I think Bas and FD have said it all. Not really much else I can say except to to offer Hugs.

    Are you two able to set aside some time soon to just focus on each other and have a bit of play time?

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Roz,
      I appreciate the hugs. We'll have our empty nest back around the 13th, who knows.

      Delete
  15. Hey PK,

    From where I stand at the moment I can't imagine just 'coasting along'. You truly speak with the voice of experience. Oh to just be able to relax... You can always have a holiday with us on our road. We're not even sure what direction we're going at the present time. It's a breathtaking ride, that's for certain.

    Happy New Year.

    Hugs, Ami

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ami,
      Enjoy this time! Yes it's confusing at time, but the excitement is worth it. We are in a MUCH better place than we were before we began this. What I'm saying is that it's worth it - even when it's not all fireworks and sparklers.

      Delete