Over the six and a half year I’ve written out here I have found that I've wanting many different things. At first I felt I wanted a true Dom/Sub relationship, but that just wasn't Nick’s thing. I still find myself curious as to whether or not I would have made a good sub if Nick had wanted the pure dominate roll. Guess we’ll never know. Then I thought I just wanted a domestic discipline relationship, but that wasn’t us either. While I do tons of stuff that I’m sure annoys Nick, there just weren’t issues he (or even I) felt required ‘discipline’. So dd wasn’t really for us either.
It took me a long time to realize all this but finally, with only a tiny sigh, I did. I’m quite content now to finally realized I’m lucky enough to be in a relationship that included spanking, I knew it might have a little mock discipline at times, but would be mostly for erotic fun. And he did show me that when I was in need of a really hard session all I had to do was ask and he would oblige.
Okay, so far, so good. Since that really hard spanking I haven’t really wanted any more – gasp! Don’t worry, I was born a spanko and I’ll die one too, but the longing for a spanking has not been there for a while. I do appreciate the stray swats, a few quick one with the wooden spoon in the kitchen, but I wasn’t in ‘need’.
Last Sunday Nick decided a spanking was in order. Hmmm… okay, but…IT HURT! And he didn’t even spank long or hard. He was, however, fussing about the only thing he feels is discipline worthy in our lives – my unhealthy lifestyle and diet and the looming health problems that could come with it.
He was aware Thanksgiving was coming, but he made some reasonable suggestions (rules, directives, whatever – I saw them as suggestions). But some were hard to do this week because Mollie was home (I’ll think of another reason that they’ll be hard to do next week later.)
Soooo… even taking Thanksgiving into consideration I don’t think he’s going to be pleased. I weigh in on Friday mornings. I don’t like to record it when the results are really bad. I skipped one week before and that’s one reason he spanked last Sunday. But I still didn’t record it Friday morning – I mean, come on! The day after Thanksgiving? Nick was unmoved by the holiday and told me I had better record Saturday morning at the latest. I did, but it’s not pretty folks.
So here’s my ‘Well damn!’ statement. I have wanted Nick to spank me for real, for something he actually cared about, for years. And now when I’m not really thinking along those lines, now that it HURTS, I have a feeling I’m about to be spanked for real for some of my poor choices. And what really scares me a little is that in my current mood it might just work.