I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, October 07, 2012

It’s not perfect, but…

No, I won’t say my life is perfect, but part of it is.  Friday night was excellent sleeping weather.  We had the windows opened a little and it was just right for snuggling under a light blanket.  Then waking just as it’s getting light outside, making love and then drifting back to sleep for a couple more hours.  Life as it was meant to be, that was close to perfection.

I read Rogue, of course, and I noticed what she said to Jared about ‘withdrawing consent’ to be spanked. Rogue knows her situation; I’m sure gave it great thought and did exactly what was best for her.  My situation is different, I don’t foresee any reason for me to ever withdraw consent, but I feel it’s time to withdraw my request.  Then again, maybe its just time to keep my mouth shut.

I’m feeling very ambivalent about him ‘helping’ me with my weight loss goals.   When he tells me to go to the gym sometimes I just go and sometimes I resent it.  I feel that asking his help was my way of having something of a dd relationship.  Since it’s not that, then I feel like saying, “Just never mind, okay.  It’s not your job any more.” That sounds cold and I don’t mean it that way, but, well, right now I’d just rather work on it on my own for a while.

Will he read this?  I have no idea; I’ve asked him to read my site, and some of my friends sites out here.  But when I ask him if he does read, he usually answers, “Sometimes.” But I never know what or when.  So will I tell him face to face – probably not. If it really starts to bug me or I feel I’m becoming very resentful, then I might email him.

To both my long time readers and my new lurkers (and Nick if he is reading), please know that this is not a big problem.  Yes, I think about it a lot, and I go on about it out here.  But that’s just because here is where it’s completely safe to let my mind wander and ponder things.  Two things are for sure and won’t be changing.  First, Nick loves me and I know it.  He cares about me, he protects me, he laughs with me, and he’s going to keep me around and grow old with me. Second, I love him. He is everything to me.  Our marriage is good and strong and healthy.  Anything else would just be icing on the cake.


  1. PK,
    I'm happy that you are enjoying your cake, but sometimes a little extra icing would be nice.
    Love and warm hugs,

  2. PK,
    I know that as an outsider I am not in the position to give advice and certainly not give it to PK herself.
    But sometimes I wonder why you keep wishing for the DD part of spanking.
    You obviously are so perfect that you'll never get spanked.
    Why don't you just try the Happy-spanking kind. No ties attached, just spanking for the sheer fun of it. You hand him the paddle and tell him to wear himself out.
    I'm sure you could think up a reward for his hard work.

  3. PK: It's wonderful that you have such a good marriage. It's wonderful that you are loved and love. Life doesn't get any better than that. But I know you have this itch for the icing on the cake. I struggle to understand at times why he won't give you what you need and crave but I guess that is just not him. But you can always savor the fact you love and are loved.


  4. I like cake better than icing most of the time. But, once in a while, a little icing is so very nice.

  5. Okay, I can't top Sunnygirl's comment. It is perfect. Hugs.

  6. I think what you have with Nick is wonderful, but never give up hope. Maybe the pressure is too much for him right now, so he just doesn't 'do.'

  7. The more of your thoughts I read, PK - the more I am struck by how wise you are. You are assuredly at peace with what ever happens, what more can any of us ask for from life and love?

  8. I am so happy that you have a loving relationship to treasure for all times. I happen to be a fan of frosting, especially homemade buttercream creamcheese frosting with or without the cake...oops I am sorry I am talking about real cake and icing. I have an awful sweet tooth. :-) As for relationships, cake is certainly the foundation and to feel strong and happy in that is a blessing. However, cake and frosting do go so nicely together that I hope for both you you... :-)


  9. Paul,
    You’re right! Live should have a little of both.

    1. You are NOT an outsider, you are now one of the family, whether you like it or not!

    2. You have given me good advice and I understand Nick’s side a lot better than I used to.

    3. I agree that I’m perfect and would never do anything to deserve a spanking (LOL!) and I wish that the fun, just because, sexy kind of spanking were completely enough for me. But just like I don’t know why I like spanking in the first place, I don’t know why I crave the other kind so much. I just know I do.

    I am in a good place. Maybe if I back off, things might come about naturally at some point. I know if he understood and could do it, he would.

    Sunnygirl, SNP,
    I agree completely!!!

    For me hope never dies. Someday…

    LOL! I do not feel wise at all! I am content and that’s not a bad thing at all.

    I enjoy cake alone; I do not enjoy icing alone. But boy I do like them together sometimes. But you comment did make the hungry for the real thing! LOL!

  10. PK, I hope you know how much I admire you and your go-with-it attitude. There are times that I wonder if we should have just said 'let's be spankos' and leave it at that.
    But I know what you are looking for, so I'm going to make you a solemn promise. Since Nick and I share the same birthday (and I have NO doubt that I would be an amazing Top) I will send all my mojo Wish I Was Sheriff, Large and In Charge to him. He just needs a tiny nudge, I'm sure. :)

  11. You have such a strong wonderful and loving marriage that some never experience.

    I hope you do get some icing on your cake.