Update

My dad used to say if you can’t say something nice doesn’t say anything at all. Maybe this is why I haven’t been doing my diet update for a few weeks. I have nothing good to say. I am starting to look more like the picture here. I don’t know if you guys have been paying attention but evidently I haven’t. Last April I was at my lowest weight. Since then I have gained 17 pounds. It makes me sick to realize that. Mostly because I just don’t seem to be able to stop it. I’m angry for letting it go so far. I don’t like what’s happening. And I am disgusted at the thought of having to fight it all off again.

I’ve let soft drinks slip back into my diet. I’ve let in candy, cookies, and chips. I’ve snacked in my chair some and you know what – I don’t want to stop. I love all those things. My blood pressure today was 140/100. I know some of that comes from work aggravation but the extra weight isn’t helping any either. My knees are giving me more trouble. And of course between work worries and being depressed over this gain… well things could be better.

Do I need Nick’s help? You know I do, but not for a sexy afternoon romp in the hay. Yes, I want that too – if I ever feel sexy again. But that isn’t going to get me back on the diet track. I could write him an assignment like I used to but I haven’t done that lately and he hasn’t said much. I’m not even sure he reads the blog anymore. I’ll ask him sometimes if he’s read that day and sometimes he has and sometimes he hasn’t. So I don’t know what he knows and what he doesn’t from out here. But I’m not upset with Nick. I haven’t exactly been sending out a ‘spank me’ vibe and since he is a vanilla at heart I know he hasn’t really want to bother me. You just can’t completely understand unless you are a born spanko and sometimes I don’t even understand.

I’m trying to help myself. I have joined a 3 month weight challenge at the gym. You have to do 37 hours between now and December 18. The time won’t be too hard probably. You have to go to at least 8 classes – which count toward your time. I don’t even know what the prize is I just know I had to do something. I’ll try to do an update each Tuesday. Maybe it will keep me honest and you guys can kick my butt when needed.

Of course Nick did surprise me the other night. He hadn’t said anything lately about me getting in bed by midnight but that usually when I head there. The other night I happened to crawl in at 11:59. He looked over at the clock and said “You’re cutting it mighty close.” It did make me feel better that he even noticed. I’m just hoping something changes soon!