I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Saturday, October 03, 2009

Thoughts on dominance and submission

My computer troubles continue. I'm on Nick's now. I can't get the cord to stay in to keep mine charged. Grrrrrrrrr... I am planning on getting another one soon. CeeCi did some research for me and tells me Windows 7 is coming out on October 22 so I think I will at least hold out until then. That is if Nick will continue to share with me.

Now for my thoughts...

I’m not submissive. I never have been. That’s okay Nick never wanted me to be. I thought I was/wanted to be submissive. I grew up on that fantasy. Cassie’s Tom was my dream man. But that is were it all needs to stay in my dreams/fantasy. Nick is real life and he is exactly what I need.

I spent the first few years after I came out hoping, wishing, and waiting for us to begin DD relationship. But it just didn’t ever seem to happen. Nick is the very best at fun, erotic spanking but the discipline that I always dreamed about just never really materialized. He has come close at times, at least with the whole get healthier life style and for a few other important things. But he is never going to be the kind of husband to ‘punish’ me for anything.

Like I’ve said before I don’t do much to be ‘punished’ for. I don’t act bitchy and fight with him, I don’t over spend, I don’t … hmmm… what do wives get spanked for in real life? Well, what ever these things are, I must not do them. It may not sound exciting but we are as comfortable together as an old pair of shoes. And the things I do that might bug someone else just don’t bother Nick.

Many times I’ve asked for discipline and he has made a half hearted effort. It annoys him when I leave a pile of clothes at the end of the bed. He doesn’t like it when I leave my socks by my chair instead of taking them back to the laundry. And he doesn’t like it when I leave my laundry sitting around for day instead of putting it away. Sometimes he would mention it and occasionally he would even spank me for it but I knew he was never really serious.

So while I knew these little things bothered him I also knew he wasn’t going to “do” anything about it so after a day or two of trying to keep on top of these things I eventually blew it off. It was something Kaylynn said to me in an email that really got me thinking. She said “You aren’t doing these things because he’ll spank you if you don’t; you’re doing them to show him that you love him and respect him.”


I think that comment made this life style more realistic than anything else I had heard out here. I’ve been doing better on all theses things. Nick may not ever have noticed yet but I’ve really been trying.

I'm still thinking about all this so I will continue my rambling thoughts later this week if the computer situation works out. Nick and I also had a wonderful Friday afternoon that I would like to tell you about. In fact now that my computer is shot I suddenly have many, many post I can think of to write. Go figure!


  1. PK: Very good post and another reminder to all the spankos out there that what is important is what works for each couple. There's no formula out there. And it sounds like you and Nick have found out what works for the two of you. And continue rambling. You always provide so much insight.


  2. PK, don't rush into Window 7, they always have lots of bugs when they first come out.
    If you can, wait at least SIX MONTHS, then most of the fixes will be done.
    It's good that you are sorting what works for the two of you, there are no detailed plans for a marriage.
    Love and warm hugs,

  3. I love my favorite pair of old shoes. They are so comfortable. They are with me no matter what, with every step I take. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to them.

    Michael recommeneded I get a Compaq, I love it. He says he plans to get me a Mac one day. I guess when he's rich and famous!

    Great post!

  4. PK - I'm glad you've settled into a good relationship, and that you saw that DD just wasn't happening. I have always wondered how a vanilla man could cope with both concepts: being asked to spank his wife plus being expected to punish her. I would think that the first is more than enough for a vanilla hubby to take in, at least at first.

    I know what things irritate Ron, and I do my best to control them, not out of fear of being spanked (because he won't spank for punishment) but because I respect his wishes and preferences.


  5. FD,
    Thanks, I do love to ramble. Often that is how I actually figure things out. There's more in my head about it but not sure when it will leap from my head to the computer.

    You are exactly right about waiting on the computer but I just don't think I can wait for 6 months. The one I have is griving me nuts!!

    I just don't know what any of us will end up with. LJ was not a great computer and he would like a new one - maybe a graduation gift? Mollie's was never a great computer and she will be having a lot to do on in this year and her senior year - then of course college.

    Yes this has to be quite a challenge for a vanilla husband. I really try to remember this and anything he doesn't feel comfortable doing I can take care of in my fantasy life!

  6. Anonymous2:20 AM

    PK I know that you love and respect Nick. It is a matter of how you will show it. By fine tuning yourself to be thoughful toward him you will begin to see him in the light in which he deserves to be seen (as opposed to the man unable to meet your concept of who you *think* he should be). Honestly it has been very hot.... I'm just sayin'!!

  7. PK, I love when you ramble and so happy that you have settled into a relationship that's comfortable for you.

    I'd check out some reviews on Windows 7 before you finally decide. Not sure if much different from vista, if that's what your using.


  8. Anonymous10:54 AM

    Don't get a Windows anything. Get a Mac. Windows is legacy.

  9. Kaylynn,
    I do find it hot to do want he says. I think we have always been very good to each other. After 26 years we still say please and thank you - and mean it for many small things we do for one another.

    I feel better when my mind is free to wander in this way. I can't do it all the time.

    I never got Vista - so many people complained about it I just kept hanging on until something new came out. But I know there is no reason to think this will be any better.

    Thanks for your advice and I know you are probably exactly right. But both my kids need new computers as well as me. I may get Mac for them but I can't afford 3. All I really need mine for is emailing and being able to write the occassional blog and story.