Sunday, May 11, 2008

Another take on healthy eating

I didn’t write this, I got it in an email, but since I have been trying to exercise and eat better and overall become healthier I found that I agree with every word of it!! Then again when you are on a spanking diet you will try most anything!

Doctor's Advice

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

(Am I the only one who pictured Cassie when they read this?)

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Written by PK at 11:18 PM

11 comments

11 Comments:

At 10:31 PM, Blogger grace said...

It's like this came out of my own mouth!

Music to my ears!

HUGS!
grace

 
At 4:27 AM, Blogger Paul said...

PK, don't let Nick read this, you might end up sitting sensitive.
I doubt if Tom would allow Cassie to behave like that, be gentle with my sis.
A good argument to learn another language. LOL
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.

 
At 6:53 AM, Blogger david said...

I'm with Paul don't let Nick see this post. I believe your butt will start seeing more action. On second thought leave him hints to read it hehehe

*hugs and grins*

 
At 7:59 AM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

Thanks for the good smiles this morning...I too am struggling with weight loss... :-) Best wishes, Terpsichore

 
At 8:35 AM, Blogger Marcus said...

Somehow... I bet that Nick's already seen this and was laughing his head off.

On the other hand, I doubt these are permissible excuses to not exercise.

Many hugs,
Marcus

 
At 9:21 AM, Blogger Lori said...

I knew I was doing it right all along, LOL. I'll show this to Joe right away.

Hugs,
~Lori

 
At 11:29 PM, Blogger Cassie said...

Well actually PK that sound like a good way to view life and I certainly agree with every word of the diet advice!

Love,
Cassie

 
At 11:36 PM, Blogger New Beginnings said...

Grace,
I knew you would agree!

Paul,
Maybe I should say that this would have been Cassie without Tom's loving guidance!

David you and Paul know Nick never pays any attention to me running my mouth out here.

Terpsichore,
I think we all are!

Marcus,
You are right about that - it won't make a good excuse!

Lori,
Yeah and I would like to know what he has to say about it!

Cassie,
I knew that sounded like you!

 
At 11:34 AM, Blogger Michelle Carlyle said...

LOL PK!!!!

Too funny. I think I'll have some Pringles and doughnuts for breakfast!

Hugs,
Michelle

 
At 8:20 PM, Blogger Theresa said...

It does sound like it came from Grace's mouth. I laughed my frequently red bottom off, as I sipped red wine, nibbled on carrot sticks, and pedaled my new recumbent stationary bike!

This was tooooo great! I'm stealing it!

Huggs
Theresa

 
At 11:39 PM, Blogger Emilie said...

The diet advice is hilarious!!! I thought there was going to be some conclusion at the end stating what Americans are doing wrong...so that was funny!

 

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