I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Friday, November 23, 2007

Outing myself

I wanted to tell you all about outing myself to my sister. It wasn’t something I was really planning to do and it came about gradually. She is an excellent writer. She writes fan fiction on the internet and has for years. She’s good, and has won many awards out here. She also has her own group of internet friends that she gets together with twice every year.

So I would talk about my internet friends some. I eventually used the word blog, and talked about writing stories. She wanted to read some but I declined telling her that she was the writer and not me. While that was true I just didn’t plan on sharing the fact that Nick spanked me and that I loved it.

But the more I thought about it the more I just didn’t care. I was a grown up and spanking is a wonderful thing in our lives. I am not ready to take out an ad in our local paper but I am not embarrassed about revealing something that has had such a positive effect on my life, at least not to my sister.

So the next time she pestered me I explained to her that I would tell her and share some stories but that I did not want to talk about what she will be learning about me in front of other.

I sent her several stories from different authors. It didn't take a genius to realize what my secret was! She asked how long I had felt this way and I told her since I could remember but that I had only shared with Nick after 23 years of marriage.

Her response to the first stories was cute. First she did ask if I was only into receiving or did I spank too. I told her I was definately the one who got spanked I am not a spanker. She ended the email with --

"May I have another?"

So I sent her Bonnie's Reunion and Nick's The Road trip. This was what she had to say about them.

I really enjoyed the story - Reunion - more fleshed out than the others and I liked that. Also this one seems like he was a nice guy and she was curious as opposed to punished. The first one, Road Trip, bothered me and I read it again to find out why. It's that he feels like he can punish her like a child and she takes it, even thinks she deserves it. You know I'm a feminist from way back - even arguing with the preacher about it when I was twelve, so that rankles a bit. The writing is good, it just trips my trigger.

That's when I was able to tell her a lot more.

Ahhhh... now you are getting to the very core of it. We (spankos) only believe in 100% consensual adult spanking! Now many of us have gotten to the point in our lives where we want to give up some control. We know we can take care of ourselves and everyone around us but sometimes is SUCKS and we like the idea of giving up some of this control to the men who love us. We want to just relax sometimes and be taken care of. Even be bossed around sometimes. Most of us did not get to this level of comfort with releasing control until our 40's or later.

Here is how my friend Lilly put it –

If someone says "you really shouldn't...." or “I wish you wouldn’t…” to a spanko - it's like saying - I care, but really you are on your own with this...

When they say" No!...." well to a spanko - that really says he loves me enough to put his foot down and follow up - hold me accountable - to insure I do what I need to do take care of myself" It's like they truly have your back (or hmmm... bottom!)

This is called D/d Domestic discipline. It’s kind of interesting to be able to try to explain this to someone who is vanilla (that’s you). We often write on the blogs trying to better understand ourselves but we are usually preaching to the choir.

It runs the gambit. I know folks out here who live a slave/master lifestyle complete with collar and everything. Where that is not our style they seem very happy and so I am happy for them. Many out here are into spanking just for the erotic fun of it. That is were Nick is, I wouldn’t mind more discipline – we only go there about the diet. But some of my friends can count on a spanking for a variety of things. Being general bitchy is one common reason, for this reason I don’t think you would want your honey to try this! LOL!!

It's a lifestyle that we enjoy very much. Most spankos I talk with have had these longing since pre-puberty. Every one of my friends has willingly given this gift (of submission, in some degree or another) to her husband or significant other.

And have you notice the change in me – not just the weight loss - but in how happy I am? Nick and I are closer than I ever imagined we could be. And I never expected to be so happy.

Well that was what I told her and in telling her I discovered something. She saw it as no big deal. I am not suggesting anyone out themselves I am just saying that if you are over heard or leave a paddle on the couch and it is discovered by a friend. Laugh it off, they will get a giggle out of it but even after I gave this explanation to my sister she has no clue. She thinks it just a little somthing we do as foreplay occassionally. No one other than a fellow spanko is going to understand the depth of what spanking means to us and if they are already spankos there is no problem!


  1. I came out to a good friend years ago. She could not understand why I dated men who lived far away. Hey I wanted to find a local spanko, but just couldn't.

    She didn't totally get it either at first. But she does now. I even think she is jealous since she is vanilla!

    Glad you did it. So how does it feel now?


  2. Sometimes I think my kids know... like the other day Adam smacked my butt in front of them and there comments were "save it for when you're alone" and other such things... then they laughed cuz I was turning 20 shades of red. And then my son in law said something and my daughter shot him a look which makes me wonder about THEM!! I mean she is her mother's daughter, yes? I dunno. Somehow it feels safer when everyone's wondering!! LOL

    Nice post, Twin...


  3. Really interesting PK. I suspect my teens know something...maybe (hope not!). I KNOW our housekeeper has found a stray implement on more than one occasion. While it was a big deal to me, she never seemed phased. I suspect you are right, that those on the outside have no clue as to what might be involved.

  4. I've told my sister and sometimes she is joking about me when she sends an sms. If she really understands the concept I don't know.

  5. Theresa,
    If vanilla's knew just how wonderful it was and how happy we are they would all be jealous!

    You are right maybe its best that we don't knew what they know!

    That is what I have realized really no one but another spanko would understand. Everyone else thinks its just a litte slap and tickle!

    My guess is that she doesn't but that might be good.

  6. Wow! How cool is that that you told your sister!!! Too cool!!!!


  7. Lilly5:38 AM

    Good for you, PK! It not only isn't the end of the world... you don't have to so fully sensor what you say to your sis - even if she doesn't understand it all!

    It's a long story, but my mother knows, and is the person designated to get rid of our toy box if needed! I do have to say - other than a discussion or two - we don't talk about it, but she knows I'm in a very loving relatiohsip - she can see that!

    I also have a friend who knows. She didn't understand the D/d aspect at first, but after seeing how happy and loving we are - well - she figured it had to be some kind of good thing! And as a side benefit, she shared her own interest (erotic) with her guy!

    We really are everywhere - LOL! Lilly

  8. Lilly5:39 AM

    GAH! I meant "censor" not sensor... Lilly

  9. Bot our boys know now. Friday Scott was at the bedroom door listening and thought we were wrapping Xmas presents but our spanking was over and I was just holding her in mr arms.

    *hugs and grins*

  10. PK, great post, I suspect that a feminist might have problems understanding our lifestyle, but--.
    I'm pretty sure that SIL and and her eldest know and I know my housekeeper knows, doesn't bother me. They all knew what Mel means to me.
    Love and warm hugs,

  11. Anonymous10:48 AM

    Well good for you, PK. It must feel like a bit of weight lifted.
    I'm glad you were able to talk to her about it.

    Debbie :)

  12. The boys know as David says. They think it's kinky and we're have too much sex.(LOL) but mostly they think we're too old!

  13. Wow, good for you! That is excellent. It has been hard for me to out to anyone. I tried with my best friend. We have been friends for over thirty years. At first she just thought I meant a kind of foreplay thing. When she realized that I was talking about a different lifestyle she became quite upset. Actually it came close to breaking up our friendship which would have broken my heart. She just couldn't get her head around what I was telling her.
    So we agreed that we had gone over thirty years not discussing it, we could continue not discussing it. We certainly find many other things to talk about constantly.
    I have "outed" to my ex husband, who is gay, my case worker who was totally accepting and non judgemental and a friend who has real curiousity about it.
    So I am cautious about telling and I so admire you for telling your sister.
    It must feel wonderful, personally I feel better when I am not having to keep such things from those close to me.
    Purple Angel

  14. Carye,
    My sister and I are not close in every way but I do trust her. She was in charge of getting rid of our toy box even before she knew what was in it.

    I would love to know how you came out to your mom and what her first reaction was!

    I wondered how it would work with two smart young men living with you. Sometimes I wonder what Mollie might know or suspect.

    I really think my sister is very insecure and terrified at the thoughs of ever giving up any control.

    Both our kids know we are much closer than we used to be. LJ thinks it's great. Mollie would prefer that we never touch!

    This is such an important meaningful part of my life now. I feel like there are two other friends who I could safely tell but I probably won't. I am sure that one other couple we are friends with are spankos. There are hints and nudges when we are together but none of us have admitted it yet. But I know!!

  15. Sounds like you got more out of answering her questions than she did. That's what we've found too. Explaining erotic and playful spankings to a non-spanking usually isn't too difficult. But DD spankings, that's another story. In fact, we usually just skip right over that part when it comes to talking about spanking with a vanilla friend. The response is typically just too unfriendly.

    Of course, there are some we've told. Suzy's Mom had about the same response your sister did.

    Todd & Suzy