I have been wondering again. Don’t panic Nick, I’m just curious. When I came out to Nick about spanking I knew it was time to let him know that he was married to a spanko. I really had no idea exactly were it would lead. What form it might take. I am thrilled by what has happened to us. Instead of being pleasant roommates we are truly lovers. I have gone from avoiding sex, avoiding touching, avoiding talking about anything important, I guess really avoiding Nick… to loving sex, loving touch, loving talking to him, just loving him!!
I am so lucky that Nick is willing to spank; I know many vanillas are not even willing to try. But not Nick!! He is an enthusiastic spanker! He swats in the kitchen. He makes wonderful spanking toys for us. My spankings are fun and sexy and playful. Foreplay at its very best! I am very satisfied with the way my life is going!
Is there anymore? Could it be any better? Is there something else I long for? Well if you have been reading her long you have to know that I have a real interest in discipline. I don’t worry about it any more, but yeah it’s still in my mind. For some couples it seems to come so naturally, Cassie and Tom, Dave and Cindy, Reesa and D to name a few. It seems to be natural. What I keep asking myself is why do I long for this? I think this goes way back. Maybe it was at the age of 4, maybe 9, maybe even 15 but somewhere in my spanko thoughts from early on I equated discipline/punishment with caring. In the fantasies that I’ve had for decades punishment proved someone was cherished and cared for.
Now this is not a whining post or even one where I want something. I do not have one doubt in my mind that Nick loves me, cares for me and cherishes me. I have no complaints at all. I just wonder why I still have the fascination when I am getting the wonderful spankings I have always wanted. (Well, not as many as I want.) I still wonder if Nick would ever really use spanking as discipline. If I really made him mad I don’t thing so. Even thought we have always gotten along well I know when Nick is pissed with me. When he is, it usually makes me mad but would I ever say anything. The most I would ever do is to give him the finger or a muttered “Kiss my ass” as he left the room. And all would blow over by the next day.
I have always been one to avoid trouble. When I was as a kid and now at work and at home I have always tried to avoid trouble. If I were to choose to hide something from Nick you can be sure he would NEVER find out. I am not perfect but I know how to stay out of trouble. But is that what I want? I know I am curious to know if I really made him mad would spanking even occur to him. I just don’t see it. Is he really a converted spanko? Or is he just a very accommodating vanilla?
I wonder what would happen if I just said “Screw the diet; I am tired of trying, tired of exercising, I want to eat anything I want. Let’s call the whole thing off.” At this time I have no intentions of finding out what would happen. I am not ready to stop trying. But would he hold me to it. Would he say “Well okay, you started all this, if you’re through fine”. Or would he say “No this is a health issue and you are doing it whether you like it or not.” And would he actually back it up with a spanking if I was saying no? I wonder. I am not worried about it; I am not agonizing about it. I just wonder. And there may be more post on this subject because I keep wondering.