What a day! It started off normal got up, went to school, emailed Eva to complain about having to get up and go to school, the usually stuff. But then the day exploded. With out going into a lot of detail, the boss asked me to do some scheduling that is difficult and time consuming for me. I gave up good blogging time to work on the stupid thing and this morning I find out that a seventh grade teacher had made her own schedule (for this 6th grade teacher). And we are going with her schedule.
Mad doesn’t begin to cover it! This has happened before, being asked to some time consuming, tedious task just to have my work blown off (often by this same teacher). I am the calm one on the hall, so when I came in mad as hell and slamming doors (kids were not there yet) I think I got everyone’s attention. Several of my colleagues came in to off comfort and support and I was able to vent to them as they told me to calm down everything would be okay. Now I got my most practical help, however from Eva as we emailed back and forth suggestions like slashing tires, putting sugar in their gas tanks and one Eva had to tell me about – putting bologna on the car door car to mess up the paint! How I love having a friend who really knows just what to say!
This new schedule was to be discussed at a meeting but I saw the boss and told him I would not be at the meeting because obviously no one needed my input and I could read the schedule on my own. He asked me to meet in his office later and the teacher tried to explain to me in little words what she had done. Believe it or not I like this teacher but she has always made me feel inferior, stupid. I just don’t do well in face to face meetings. The “I’m stupid” washed over me so fast I just got up and walked out of he meeting and back to my room where I locked the door and cried for about 10 minutes. I emailed the boss, because for some reason I do so much better on email! Before my planning time was over the boss came over and apologized again and again. Wasn’t his fault, really all these feelings come from a time way before he came.
But the reason I am posting about all this is that you guys actually helped! Although the feeling of being stupid blindsided me for a minute I did not let the feeling hang around long. I could almost hear your encouragement. I know I can do many things that others can’t or don’t want to do. I can spend my days locked in a room with various 11 and 12 year olds and get the majority of them to understand fraction! I can take a dog or cat that has been in a fight and sew it back together good as new! How many people do you know that can do both.
During all this Eva was sending me calming pictures while encouraging me to “go on out and hurt someone”. And while we both knew it was all in fun it felt good to share those feeling!!!!! I even got to talk to her on the way home after she assured me that her phone was both water proof (in case I cried again) and shock proof too, thank goodness!
I went to the gym after school so Mollie got to give Nick the first version of the story. He let me tell him all again once I got home. Mollie was asleep so we got to do some kissing and hugging in the kitchen and finally, finally nothing that had happened at school mattered all that much. I have to remember school is a job. Being home with Nick and Mollie is my life. But thanks for being there guys.