I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Friday, February 02, 2018

Two questions

I have some questions. I’m just curious, which of you sleeps closest to the door? I have a theory, but since I rarely seen my friends when they are in bed together – and I don’t want to, I have to wonder if
this theory holds up. I believe the men tend to sleep on the side closer to the door. I see it as a ‘guarding the mouth of the cave’ thing. As we all when through raising our children, I think we moms got out of the bed more often at night than our guys did. It would have made sense for us to sleep nearer the door. But I’m guessing most of us don’t. Let me know.

Now for me a more important question. What do you enjoy doing the most with your husband – in public that is. Nick may be retiring in a few years. Then again it could be fifteen years for all I know. The man is not good at being idle. If you’ve read here long you know how much Nick and I love one another, but we have no common interests.

Nick likes to play golf. I’m happy for him but it doesn’t involve me. He loves photography. I got him a really good drone for Christmas and he like to send it up and he has gotten some wonderful shots. But I don’t want to fly it, I don’t want to wreck the thing. And to be honest after going through the thousands, and thousands of pictures left after my parents passes away, I found that pictures without people I know in them just don’t stand the test of time. I stand there and stare at the drone or sit in the car.

I like to shop – some. Not for clothes, but I like to look around in interesting shops. Nick is bored out of his mind.

I know many of you like to travel, but even then, we seem to be at opposite ends of the scale. I think vacation – lounging on the beach
with my Kindle, swimming in the pool or the ocean, eating too much, indulging in desserts. While Nick’s idea of a vacation is seeing and touring as many ‘things’ as we can before one or both of us die from exhaustion. We sometimes go on day trips with one couple in particular. This fellow loves finding small locally owned breweries. He’s found some great one and I usually enjoy the trip, but I don’t drink beer and my sugar tell me not to drink soft drinks (pop or soda, for those of you not from the south). So again, I feel I’m just sitting there. Often wishing I were home reading or writing.

Okay, obviously, I’m the dull one. I realize that. But how do I change? And do I have to do all the changing?

I hope you’ll answer my questions and give me some ideas.

29 comments:

  1. Hi PK, I actually sleep closer to the door.

    We enjoy day trips, taking drives and visiting favourite cafes and nice short walks together to name a few.

    Rick is the one with hobbies, for example, he is keen on astronomy. I decided to take an interest and asked him to teach me. We have had lots of wonderful moments star gazing together with me asking questions and him teaching me and now it's an interest for me.

    Rick was so glad I was interested and enjoyed teaching me. I think it's great if we can take an interest in our partner's hobbies (depending on the hobbies of course).

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. We like little trips too, but we never seem to plan any. We did talk tonight about a few places we might like to go.

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  2. Hi Pk, We do pretty much the same as Roz and Rick. We also have friends we go out and about with, been to a few auctions etc, I am to a great holiday maker either. We like quizzes and go to a few pub quizzes and the like. He has recently taken up Archery, but it's not my thing so he goes with my Brother. Also we goes to a lot of my son's gigs. He is the guitarist in a local band. Maybe you could start a new hobby though , something you both fancy a go at. He sleeps nearest the door btw.
    love Jan, xx

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    1. Our little town it working on bringing in attractions - singers, etc. I'll pay more attention to these things as the weather warms.

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  3. Hi PK, Great questions. Bear has always slept closest to the door. For your 2nd question could you compromise maybe. When you go on holidays go exploring taking photos, then relaxing sipping nice cool drinks by the pool. A bit of give and take. We love to go for drives either to explore new areas or shopping. Bear loves shopping more than me. LOL! Its also nice to have your own interests, then talk about what you've done during the day over dinner. I'm sure once Nick is retired you'll love every minute.
    Hugs Lindy xx

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    1. I'm a little worried about his retirement. We've always spent a lot of time away from one another. I want to spend more time with him, but 24/7 worries me a little.

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  4. Hello PK!
    Eric sleeps next to the door too. How interesting! I thought we chose where we slept based on the side of the bed we prefer. Now I wonder if it is related to the position of the door instead. I'm trying to think of other beds we've slept in and he seems to always be on the left but in all of those cases, so does the door. Interesting!
    As for what we do together - we can go on vacation, to the movies, out with friends or we can do housework together. Whatever it is, we tend to play with each other. Flirt, goof off... it seems like everything we do becomes foreplay for what we want to do later. Two things stand out on the rare occasions that we have a lot of time together. We will take a class together or do a workshop. We've taken CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) training, a massage class, and a communications class to name a few. I like classes. He likes different topics. He picks the topic. I find the class. They seem to lead to intelligent conversations or better massages for each other. ;) We also volunteer together in our community. Sometimes it's to work the local street fair or participate in a Chamber event. We've done food drives and toy drives, and worked on fundraisers for local schools. Next up, we want to take a financial planning class. I'm sure you'll find things but it's also good that you have different interests too. Keeps the conversations going!
    Amy

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    1. Thanks Amy, I'd never thought of taking a class together. CPR might be a place to start. Our little town just reopened a renovated theater. Maybe we'll start going again.

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  5. I sleep next to the door, started when kids were little, and now I just do. Take turns choosing a movie to see...do you have a school district offering different classes, find something new you can do together. We have a great senior center here...offers day trips, activities....card games, a walking circuit, classes on cooking, dance, senior health issues, a hugs variety. Most are free, a slight fee for some, you get to try something new and get out of the house.
    hugs abby

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  6. Actually, most of our marriage has been me sleeping closest to the door. With our lot of kids and his work hours, well I was the one getting up so....it seemed easier.

    Hoss likes to cook together. We do not do this often enough, but enough that I know this is one area I excel at and he likes to do, but is relatively clueless at. Other thoughts are gardening together or perhaps short hikes. Do either of you enjoy fishing? Lol, we like to do this one with short hikes as a family or couple. Anyway, those are my thoughts.

    --Baker

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    1. If you saw my previous post you'll see that our kitchen bare holds one person. Thankfully he does most of the cooking. I'm not in great hiking shape, but I don't mind easy trails.

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  7. Interesting question on which side of the bed you sleep. I sleep nearest the door, always have done since we met.

    P's a bit like Nick, I can't see him retiring ever, he doesn't like to be idle and he hates shopping. When we are on holiday, P loves to swim and spends a lot of time swimming in the sea, not me, but I'm happy just sitting in the sun, reading and watching people enjoying themselves on the beach. If we go away for weekends, we tend to pick places where there are things to see, history, old churches, building, museums. Things like that. We also go to the movies, see plays, out walking together or out with friends for dinner. I think it's good to have separate interests but also good to have something you are both interested in. Maybe you could find something you both enjoy.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. I think we developed too many separate interests and didn't work on enough together. Maybe we'll have time to work on that.

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  8. Sam sleeps closest to the door. I probably should, though, since I have to pee more often!! Since I read in bed each night long before Sam is ready for bed, I take the far corner so that my swing arm lamp isn't in the way.

    First off, please tell Nick that I adore microbreweries. Wherever we go now, I have to stop for a beer here and there. We like movies, museums, and driving trips with lots of stops. We do go fishing when the weather is warm. Fishing is another hobby that includes, you guessed it, BEER! Sam is a history buff, and I think I am, too. We actually read history books together now.

    Sam is semi-retired as well, but he has started volunteering at one of our favorite museums. I just started to volunteer with some veterans that have a writing group.

    Hugs From Ella

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    1. I knew you would be interested in the microbreweries! We have many in this end of the state. I still wonder if Nick will ever retire.

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  9. First off, just because you like different things and the activities you enjoy are less physically active does not make you dull. Reading and writing and enjoying the beach are wonderful ways to spend time. But you know that. :-) As for things you might like to enjoy doing together - going to a museum or show...gazing at the stars...going out for dinner...taking a gentle walk together. Visiting local gardens can be really pretty and a nice walk. We have recently explored kayaking as a family and really enjoy it but it is not for everyone. I just love water so any activity where I can swim, view, or be near it makes me happy. There are definitely things we like do on our own as well as things we enjoy together just the two of us, things we enjoy as a family, and things we like to do with one parent/child. Try different things and see what you like. My hubby sleeps closest to the door. :-) Hugs to you.

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    1. Terps, we talked tonight about maybe going to Washington DC, we've both been but it's been a long time. We talked of visiting LJ again and going to the Met. At least we were talking about things.

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  10. I've always slept on the right side of the bed and it's usually been near the door everywhere we've lived. Good for bathroom runs.

    We sit in the family room together when we're home. He's at his desk with the computer, reading, doing paperwork, planning what we might do. I sit on the couch with my iPad or kindle A LOT of the time. I crochet here too. And write letters and cards to friends. This way we're always in contact. We frequently share thoughts about what we're doing. We really like day trips now. Don't want to sleep anywhere else. I accompany him nearly every time he goes out (except for a dump run). We just like being together. We have friends who aren't even in the same room. He putters in the basement and she's upstairs. They are not a close happy couple. My husband is my best friend and we just like to be near each other. We talk about everything and nothing and flirt and play all day. He's been retired for nine years and as long as he doesn't give me cooking suggestions (Did you put the timer on? Did you salt the water? He doesn't cook anything) we love our time together. Each couple will find what is best for them. You and Nick are crazy about each other. It will come naturally to you.
    Rosie Dee

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    1. I work in my writing room during the day, but usually move to the living room with him once he gets home. In good weather he's outside a lot - a lot more then I am. I laughed at your comment - I always go on dump runs with him!

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  11. I always sleep on the left-hand side of the bed so, in our current layout, I’m next to the door. My daughter sleeps on the left too but in her house and mine that puts her partner nearest the doors.

    Harry is very sporty and I’m not. I’m a good spectator though! We both like going to concerts, mostly the good old rockers. Eating out is another favourite, as is short breaks abroad. Mostly though, like Rosie Dee and her husband, we’re happy just being together.

    Rosie xx

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    1. Nick's only sport is golf and I don't think I've ever been on a golf course since once when we were dating. We do like going out to eat though.

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  12. This is something we just tried to switch up recently! My Scotsman always had crazy hours and needed his sleep. I always slept closest to the door so I could hear the kids. Recently he said he wanted to try sleeping near the door. It lasted 1 night! Lol!
    As to your other question...... my Scotsman and I are VERY social people. We love to see friends and family. When we go on vacation we try and do a variety of things. If a sport is involved I’m not in..... he’s good tho about visiting museums with me! Lol

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    1. I don't think any of us are at the place where we can change our sleeping habits now. Nick and I don't socialize all that much, but we might need to work on that.

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  13. One more thing, if you don't mind. Everyone should take a CPR class. I'm surprised that the school didn't make it mandatory for every person working there!
    Rosie Dee

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    1. I took one long ago, but I need a refresher.

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  14. Ray sleeps closer to the door but it's more because it's also closer to the bathroom which he uses with much more frequency than me.

    Ray and I are pretty in tune when it comes to vacation - we tend to like the same things. Shopping is a definite no and three shops is about all he can take w/o grumping. He really has no interests - so I guess he's the boring one.

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    1. Yes, I know about your bathroom habits! Maybe he should come visit me.

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  15. Ad me to the list of husbands by the door because it's closer to the bathroom. Our bathroom is down a fairly long hall and to be fair my husband is thirteen years older than I am. Once I'm in bed I tend to stay there until the next morning or day. I like to sleep in. As for the other question we are fairly compatible in the other things on your list. We both like to travel,he loves the beach I barely tolerate it but I will go if it makes him happy. You see I'm third times the charm for him and he is my one and only. His second wife was a shrew,so yeah if he wants to go to the beach I will go,I prefer to swim in a pool. We are both computer geeks and cellphone nerds,we are both artists,though mine is crochet and his is just about any medium out there. Gah I don't want to bore you all. I did not meet my husband until I was 48 and I will be 57 this March so to me he is an absolute treasure.

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  16. I sleep closest to the door. That's because it is the side that our larger dog prefers to sleep on and he was crowding Ron out. So we switched sides. I don't mind the dog sharing my space.

    We enjoy going to concerts together.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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