I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

You must be 18 to view this site.

Tuesday, February 06, 2018

Controlling everything

Do you consider yourself submissive? Many of us talk about giving our gift of submission to our husbands. And that's what it should be - a gift. It's not something that can be demanded, merely offered. But I feel it's a beautiful gift.




It's not something Nick wants, so I've often wondered if I could have done it. Part of me thinks I have a strong submissive side, but when I really think about it, I am probably my happiest when I am alone with my writing and I control every single thing - what he says, what she says, what each person does, what each person feel emotionally -  completely up to me. Hmm...

31 comments:

  1. Hi PK, I definitely have submissive tendencies and tend to defer to others etc, but I'm not sure I am a submissive. Especially when it comes down to deferring to decisions on things I feel strongly about.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting. I feel I've got much less submissive in my work life as I got older and that was very good for me. I'd really only want to be submissive to Nick.

      Delete
  2. Hi PK, I think I would be classed as a submissive. Bear says he doesn't expect me to be. I tend to leave major decisions to him these days which he prefers. So it depends on the definition. I would bend over backwards to make sure he was happy and put him before myself. Is that being submissive? He loves me just the way I am, so not sure.
    Hugs Lindy xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As long as he loves you the way you are that's all that matters.

      Delete
  3. I have come to see submissive as a part of who I am. The first time M used the word submissive describing me, I laughed and said He did not really know me yet. A submissive junior high teacher would not last long.
    But I have discovered a submissive side to me, one that brings me calmness and peace...and great orgasms. So maybe it is not all or nothing...hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "A submissive junior high teacher would not last long." Isn't that the truth! But work life has little to do with 'real' life. Sounds like it's good for you.

      Delete
  4. Hi Pk, I don't think I really know what it is. I want to please, is that the same thing, I have no idea...... I am just me.
    love Jan, xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's should be good enough for anyone!

      Delete
  5. Not very submissive over here, though I've been known to play that role for Eric when we are both in the mood. It will be interesting to see where things go when we aren't both working full time and when he's home all the time. We could get there but I'll always have a strong independent side. Our relationship is more about him taking the reigns for a bit so I can have a break.
    Amy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That sound like a good way. And role playing a little submission is okay too. I think you have to have an independent side before you can make the decision to offer your submission to another.

      Delete
  6. PK, like everything else in ttwd, it comes down to what is right for the individual couple. What is important here is the quiet love you and Nick have for each other. How you choose to offer that love is what makes us all different. Life is not a book plot.

    I do disagree with you that being a writer automatically cuts you out from being submissive. Most times a hobby or a driving interest is attractive to us because we do have control over it. The world disappears for a while, and we get to do exactly as we please.

    You have a sweet and loving personality that always puts the people you love first. If that's not submissive, then I don't really know what that word means.

    Much love,
    Ella

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ella, you are more than kind yourself. Yes there are all kinds of ways to offer love and each couple has to find their own.

      Delete
  7. PK,
    You do control everything in your books and I like that very much. With Nick, the two of you establish how things are going to be. The Nick and PK marriage you have described always sounds just right.......... very compatible and kind to one another. You are one of the kindest people I now and I mean that. Isn't a lot of blogging letting people in just a little bit? I like the evenness and the stability you have described with Nick. Ella is so right. Each couple in blogland is different and so interesting. You and Nick are no different.
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You truly make me feel good with your comment. I do like letting people in. Actually the more I do, the better I feel. I am happy that Nick and I do not have a volatile relationship. I couldn't deal.

      Delete
  8. Anonymous6:34 PM

    PK
    I think there are times I want to be submissive to my wife. When she recently disciplined me I felt very submissive and was acting that way afterward. A time she was angry with me around the time of one of my birthdays she disciplined me by writing my age on the top of my head, which is shaved bald, and told me to keep the number there until she told me to wipe it off. “Yes my love was my response and we both loved the role play. We do what’s right for us and have fun with it, but overall I’m not a submissive man. JL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think those of us who want to explore our submissive side only want to share it with our significance other. With others we need our independance.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous8:23 PM

      So right PK. JL

      Delete
  9. PK,
    I am definitely a submissive woman, but not even close to a slave. I looked for a strong man with high principles who would lead in our marriage. He ALWAYS takes my feelings and preferences into account before making final decisions. He doesn't micromanage me but he always knows where I am and what I'm doing--in a caring and protective way. I would not give my submission to an abusive man. It is a gift that I give with complete confidence and trust that I am appreciated and loved.
    Rosie Dee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I loved reading this. You know it could have been written by Cassie.

      Delete
  10. Well, that is a compliment!
    Rosie Dee

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have given my submission to Ty but in return he listens to me and my opinion. I am not just a yes sir type of person but he has the 51% vote. If he didn't listen to me and respect me then this would not work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely - submission is a gift some give to the one they love. It can't be demanded and it must be treated as an honored gift.

      Delete
  12. Perhaps one can't be a TOTAL submissive? I think I have a submissive SIDE but there is a healthy control freak in here too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe that's my problem - I'm not overweight, I just have too many sides to my personality!

      Delete
  13. I'm not submissive and P wouldn't want me to be, though I think we all have a little submissive in us.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  14. You are wonderfully PK! Nick is perfect for you! I’m not sure I’m submissive. I love to please and nurture. Sometimes I am a complete bossy boots! I think I am both I guess!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Submissive or not, I think our men what us with some sass and bossy boots would fulfill that need!

      Delete
  15. It's an interesting contrast, the control of writing versus the ideal of surrendering control to a lover. I wonder if people who go to one extreme might often have some aspect of life in which thety go the other way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm... you may be right. I want to be submissive, but taking control in the books and control everything there is so appealing.

      Delete
  16. I wouldn't say I'm submissive. I want to be and I try to be and I think it's important... it's more of a state I strive for.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think there is part of me that is submissive, a part of me that wants to please, to follow someone's lead, and to let go of control. But this is only one part. There is another part who likes to be independent, make my own decisions, and answer to no one. And there is yet another part who like to make decisions together, to work as a team, and find answers together. I think you can be all in one. My husband has not really wanted to explore my submissive side though I would love to explore it more, at least in the bedroom. For every day, though, I am happy to be exactly who I am, who that is - I don't fully know - I am still discovering, learning, and growing. Hugs to you

    ReplyDelete