I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

You must be 18 to view this site.

Monday, November 27, 2017

I wasn't expecting that

I asked Nick the question from my last post – What’s the worst thing I do, something that really pisses you off? Something you’d really like to spank heck out of me for?

As I suspected, he didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. He’s laid back and I really don’t do much to bother him. His answering email said in part,

Since you are almost perfect, of course, there is little to complain about. I will have to be more aware.  If you have something in mind you can ask how I feel about it.

I can’t fault him for not knowing since I’ve spent more than thirty-five years, on and off, hiding it from him. What is this horrible, despicable thing I do?

I pull away from him. I shut him out and live peacefully in my head for long stretches.



I don’t scream and yell, I don’t curse and throw things. I slip away so quietly and so undetected that I’m sure he rarely knows I’m doing it. I don’t pout, I don’t give him the silent treatment, but I rarely start conversations. I don’t even give him dirty looks or eye rolls. I just go way where nothing he says or does affects me. It’s the ‘sure, fine, whatever’ mode. This may not seem so horrible, but it can seriously damage a relationship.

Sometime I wish he noticed. Sometimes I wish he’d call me on it. Sometimes I wish he’d give me a hard, serious spanking to snap me out of it. And if he doesn’t think I’m truly ‘back’ when he’s finished, I wish he would spank me again. Sometimes.

Other time I’m glad he doesn’t notice.

Boy, I can hear Nick’s thoughts on this. “Let me get this straight, I don’t know when you’re even doing this, but I’m supposed to recognize when it happens – even though you’re giving me no hints at all. But if I think it’s happening I should bust your ass, unless it’s one of the times you really don’t want me to notice, and then I should just leave you alone. Is that about it?”

Well, yeah, sorta.

When I was writing this post, and got to this point, I went into true writing mode, meaning I was staring into space trying to formulate what I wanted to say, when something happened. In all these years, it had never happened before so I simply sat stunned listing to what I can only call a lecture from one of my best friends. Here’s what Cassie had to say.

~o~

Enjoy your husband. Pay attention, and enjoy your husband. Enjoy him when he is in a happy, loving, playful mood. Enjoy him when he’s tired and crabby and withdrawn. Enjoy him when he’s mowing, doing the laundry, and cooking. And enjoy him when he’s sitting beside you quietly watching TV or reading or even napping.

Enjoy him for who he is. You chose one another above all others in this world to share your lives together. And most importantly, after more than three decades you’re both still there. Do you know how many women would give their eye teeth to be in your place?  To have a man who truly loves you. A man you can trust completely and who is completely loyal to you. You’ve never had to worry about infidelity. You’ve never had to worry about drunken binges or abuse. You have a man who cares for you and will listen to you – if you will just talk to him.

Enjoy him when he’s annoying you. Enjoy him when he’s being inconsiderate or thoughtless. Enjoy him when he hurts your feelings or snaps at you for no reason. Enjoy him, but you don’t have to ignore these things. I’m telling you to be a wife, not a wimp. Tell him if he’s annoying you or being inconsiderate or thoughtless. Tell him if he hurts your feelings. What do you think is going to happen? You tell him these things and he gets mad and says, “That’s it, I’m leaving. Marriage over.” You know that’s stupid. So, you argue, big deal – you’ll both get over it.

Talk to the man! Tell him when you’re happy, tell him when you’re mad. Stop living in your head and enjoy this wonderful man you have. When you’re mad or hurt, you need to tell Nick and stop thinking in your head, “Well, Tom would have… or Tom wouldn’t have…” – because I know you do this sometimes. Remember, Tom is mine and only mine. No one else would put up with him. Trust me, you would hate being married to him. I have the occasionally dream of being able to do anything I want any time I want with no worry about the ivory brush. Everyone has ‘the grass is greener…’ feelings at times. But never stay there more than a minute or two.

You’re living on the fringe of your marriage, it’s like you’re scared to get involved.  You’ve chosen peace and harmony rather than fire and passion. Maybe try it the other way for a while. You don’t have any big problems in your marriage. Quit nursing the little ones and learn to enjoy what you have.

Enjoy your husband!



This was out of the blue. Cassie tells me her stories, but she’s always stayed out of my business. I know, I know, Cassie is just another part of me. So perhaps I was lecturing to myself, but it didn’t feel that way. Regardless, she wasn’t wrong. I think I’m going to try to take her advice. Hmm… taking Cassie’s advice on marriage, it should either bring Nick and me closer or I’m going to  get my ass spanked. Sounds like a win/win to me.



30 comments:

  1. Whoa PK...I speechless...Cassie nailed it! Hope you follow her advice.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    ReplyDelete
  2. U know im just gonna say this. Im one of those women who Cassie / u say will give eye tooth and maybe a toe for what u have in that man. Listen to her. She knows what shes saying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Also, this has inspired me and if you don't mind I'm gonna link this post on one of my upcoming ones? and borrow a chunk of what you said up there ^^

      Delete
    2. You are more than welcomed.

      Delete
    3. I do plan on listening to her because she's right.

      Delete
  3. Very good ideas from Cassie, I think we could all learn from that lecture she gave you. Thanks Cassie! Hope you take note PK and enjoy your wonderful man. Life is too short to worry about the little things. Let your hair down and live life to the max.
    Good luck.
    Lindy xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm going to try Lindy, I really am.

      Delete
  4. Hi Pk, I think maybe Nick should read this post too and then you both should follow it, just saying...
    love Jan, xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had him read it this afternoon. I'll do a post on what he said soon.

      Delete
  5. Hello PK, When you posed the question, I asked Eric what his answer would be. Interestingly, he said he wants to redden my ass every time I drop hints about what's going on with me, what I want, or what I need rather than just saying it. He basically said all he wants is for me to be happy and when I don't speak up, he feels like I'm purposely making it hard for him to make that happen. I'm learning. It's difficult to say, "I need this..." but as Eric pointed out, it's even more difficult to read someone else's mind!
    Amy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that is one of our men greatest short comings - I sure wish they could read our minds (except when I don't, LOL) But that would really make life easier. I know I used to get so mad at my mom when she would hint that she wanted to go out for dinner. Poor daddy was so bad at picking up hints and then she would be so mad. All she had to say was, "I want to go out for supper." and Daddy would have gladly taken her.

      Delete
  6. Cassie is a wise woman - her words spoke to me too. As usual I'm a little more open than you when it comes to Ray but not much - it's easier to retreat. I think it comes from the huge shouting matches between my parents and the feelings I experienced back then.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Retreating is sooo easy. But I am going to try.

      Delete
  7. Great post. Your inner self needed a good talking to and Cassie provided it! Love it!
    --Baker

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous10:38 AM

    PK,
    It 's just like what Dorothy was told...... you had it all the time! Enjoy your husband even when he bugs you is perfect.
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not everyone has this kind of wonderful man, but I do.

      Delete
  9. Well, this realization makes me very happy, PK. And you couldn't ask for a better mentor and friend, even if Cassie lives in the other side of your head.

    The truest, wisest words of all were the ones that said you were "living on the fringe of your marriage." Tonight when Nick comes home, think of what Cassie does when Tom walks through the door. She greets him at the door with a passionate kiss. She talks to him. TALK is the key word here. Make a little change every single day.

    Ella Believing In You

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do hope I can take Cassie's advice and run with it. Everyone will be happier.

      Delete
  10. Well, what a post. I've always thought Cassie was a wise lady. I think you should get Nick to read this. You have a man who cares for you and will listen to you – if you will just talk to him so TALK.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had him read it today. I knew I would as soon as Cassie finished. I liked his reaction. I'll tell you about it Wed.

      Delete
  11. Cassie is one smart cookie. It's really good advice, actually great advice that most people could use. The grass is always greener....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think is was great advice. After you've been married decades it's something we need to hear.

      Delete
  12. Wow! What an insightful woman is Cassie! That's the best advice you (and many of us , too) could have gotten! I'm pretty open about my feelings on everything with my husband but there's this one thing.... I tend to be shy talking about. Why is it so hard to just say what we need to the one person who wants to give it to us? And after all that he's been willing to do in the past several years, why can't you (we) open up the rest of the way? Or repeat again and again if necessary, the things we've said (or hinted at) before. Please listen to Cassie and tell us what happens after you do. I'm going to be watching for good news. Rosie Dee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She really let me have it and I paid attention. You know she doesn't like being ignored. His initial reaction was good. I hope I can keep all this in mind.

      Delete
  13. Such wonderful advice to enjoy your husband.

    FD

    ReplyDelete
  14. Some good advice from Cassie for all of us, I think. Looking forward to hearing Nick’s response.
    Rosie xx

    ReplyDelete
  15. wonderful advice from Cassie :-) Thank-you for sharing...
    "Enjoy your husband" a great thing to remember always Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  16. After finally reading this blog from the beginning and having commented several times, I want to say that this is one of the best posts I've seen! With Cassie living inside your head, you have all the answers right there! Maybe you could print this out FOR YOU and hang it up where you will see it every day. That wise woman is PK Corey! I think you should listen to her!
    Rosie Dee

    ReplyDelete