I wasn't expecting that

I asked Nick the question from my last post – What’s the worst thing I do, something that really pisses you off? Something you’d really like to spank heck out of me for?

As I suspected, he didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. He’s laid back and I really don’t do much to bother him. His answering email said in part,

Since you are almost perfect, of course, there is little to complain about. I will have to be more aware.  If you have something in mind you can ask how I feel about it.

I can’t fault him for not knowing since I’ve spent more than thirty-five years, on and off, hiding it from him. What is this horrible, despicable thing I do?

I pull away from him. I shut him out and live peacefully in my head for long stretches.

I don’t scream and yell, I don’t curse and throw things. I slip away so quietly and so undetected that I’m sure he rarely knows I’m doing it. I don’t pout, I don’t give him the silent treatment, but I rarely start conversations. I don’t even give him dirty looks or eye rolls. I just go way where nothing he says or does affects me. It’s the ‘sure, fine, whatever’ mode. This may not seem so horrible, but it can seriously damage a relationship.

Sometime I wish he noticed. Sometimes I wish he’d call me on it. Sometimes I wish he’d give me a hard, serious spanking to snap me out of it. And if he doesn’t think I’m truly ‘back’ when he’s finished, I wish he would spank me again. Sometimes.

Other time I’m glad he doesn’t notice.

Boy, I can hear Nick’s thoughts on this. “Let me get this straight, I don’t know when you’re even doing this, but I’m supposed to recognize when it happens – even though you’re giving me no hints at all. But if I think it’s happening I should bust your ass, unless it’s one of the times you really don’t want me to notice, and then I should just leave you alone. Is that about it?”

Well, yeah, sorta.

When I was writing this post, and got to this point, I went into true writing mode, meaning I was staring into space trying to formulate what I wanted to say, when something happened. In all these years, it had never happened before so I simply sat stunned listing to what I can only call a lecture from one of my best friends. Here’s what Cassie had to say.

~o~

Enjoy your husband. Pay attention, and enjoy your husband. Enjoy him when he is in a happy, loving, playful mood. Enjoy him when he’s tired and crabby and withdrawn. Enjoy him when he’s mowing, doing the laundry, and cooking. And enjoy him when he’s sitting beside you quietly watching TV or reading or even napping.

Enjoy him for who he is. You chose one another above all others in this world to share your lives together. And most importantly, after more than three decades you’re both still there. Do you know how many women would give their eye teeth to be in your place?  To have a man who truly loves you. A man you can trust completely and who is completely loyal to you. You’ve never had to worry about infidelity. You’ve never had to worry about drunken binges or abuse. You have a man who cares for you and will listen to you – if you will just talk to him.

Enjoy him when he’s annoying you. Enjoy him when he’s being inconsiderate or thoughtless. Enjoy him when he hurts your feelings or snaps at you for no reason. Enjoy him, but you don’t have to ignore these things. I’m telling you to be a wife, not a wimp. Tell him if he’s annoying you or being inconsiderate or thoughtless. Tell him if he hurts your feelings. What do you think is going to happen? You tell him these things and he gets mad and says, “That’s it, I’m leaving. Marriage over.” You know that’s stupid. So, you argue, big deal – you’ll both get over it.

Talk to the man! Tell him when you’re happy, tell him when you’re mad. Stop living in your head and enjoy this wonderful man you have. When you’re mad or hurt, you need to tell Nick and stop thinking in your head, “Well, Tom would have… or Tom wouldn’t have…” – because I know you do this sometimes. Remember, Tom is mine and only mine. No one else would put up with him. Trust me, you would hate being married to him. I have the occasionally dream of being able to do anything I want any time I want with no worry about the ivory brush. Everyone has ‘the grass is greener…’ feelings at times. But never stay there more than a minute or two.

You’re living on the fringe of your marriage, it’s like you’re scared to get involved.  You’ve chosen peace and harmony rather than fire and passion. Maybe try it the other way for a while. You don’t have any big problems in your marriage. Quit nursing the little ones and learn to enjoy what you have.

Enjoy your husband!

This was out of the blue. Cassie tells me her stories, but she’s always stayed out of my business. I know, I know, Cassie is just another part of me. So perhaps I was lecturing to myself, but it didn’t feel that way. Regardless, she wasn’t wrong. I think I’m going to try to take her advice. Hmm… taking Cassie’s advice on marriage, it should either bring Nick and me closer or I’m going to  get my ass spanked. Sounds like a win/win to me.