Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Do all women do this?

No, I’m not talking about some exciting sex act. I’m talking about worrying about their personal appearance. On a day to day basic I don’t. But it’s nearly always a problem that crops up when I go shopping. And that’s what Mollie and I did last Friday. There was definite good news. I’d gone down one pant size. That made me very happy.

But I didn’t stop there – I tried on a bathing suits. Why do I do such things? Nick and I are heading to the beach later this week. But I’m not worried about Nick. For better or worse nothing about my looks has scared him off this far, I think he’s here for the duration. But later this summer I’m going to the beach with some girl friends. They know what I look like too, they’re my friends – why does the thought of getting together with them make me worry about my appearance?

It may be my hair. I’m trying to go natural – which is gray. I’m excited about that, being my true self. My hair dresser toned down the brown and now I’m looking blonde. But I’m not a blonde and it feels uncomfortable. I don’t have time for the gray to come in fully, so I feel two toned.

It's not quite this bad.

I need to stop this. Just as I’m looking forward to visiting with my friends, they are looking forward to visiting with me – they are not going to worry about the color of my hair or how I look in a bathing suit. I keep repeating this in my head.

I’m afraid too many women do this to themselves. Maybe I should really think about what I tell my students, “No one is going to notice the spot on your shirt, they’re just worried they might have a spot on their shirt.”

Written by PK at 8:30 AM



At 1:20 AM, Blogger Fondles said...

Oh i worry about meeting up with gfs too. just last month I had a drinks night with two of my girls whom i haven't seen in forever and i was fretting about my appearance the whole week before. would they notice i've lost some weight? is that a zit i see on my nose? remember to pluck those stray eyebrow hairs... it's natural... but when we were actually together, i really don't think anyone paid any attention to our physical appearance - we were just so glad to catch up and talk about what's been going on in our lives.

so i think you're good. it's normal. but it'll turn out to be way less important than the actual bonding! Have fun at the beach!


At 3:57 AM, Blogger Roz said...

Hi PK,

As you know, I have been awol for some time due to 'life' issues and illness and just now getting round to visiting some blogs. I saw your lovely comment on Sunny's blog. Thank you so much :)

I can totally relate to this, I worry about my appearance too. It's silly what we put ourselves through isn't it? When really, the friends we are with aren't interested in our appearance. Congratulations on the reduced pant size :)


At 4:33 AM, Blogger DelFonte said...

If a friend judges us on appearance, other than they're probably not a good friend, then I suspect they spend a great deal of time worrying about their own too.
I'm going grey and making no attempt to hide it. It's my natural colouring :)

At 5:20 AM, Blogger abby said...

You are right...I think most of us do it...and really...we all know better...
hugs abby

At 5:55 AM, Blogger Rosie Jones said...

Congrats on losing a pant size, that's good for your health! I think we all worry about our appearance to some degree or other. I'm a redhead thanks to L'Oreal but I'm getting fed up with reaching for the dye bottle more and more frequently. Not sure I'm ready to go au natural just yet though. My real bugbear is the cellulite on my thighs - I keep them under cover in public.
Rosie xx

At 6:08 AM, Blogger lindy thomas said...

Well done on going down in pant sizes. I think we all worry about what others will think of us. Ask yourself, do you look at them and think any less of them, if they are over weight or different in some way? I bet you don't and they wouldn't either about you. They will all just be so happy to catch up and have fun. As I say to my friends I'm going to grow old disgracefully.
Enjoy your time away with Nick and also the time away with your girlfriends.
Hugs Lindy

At 6:20 AM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

In answer to your title question...yes. Unfortunately it is true for me as well. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves and see all our faults when we see the positive in others. We need to look at ourselves as we look at our friends, with kind eyes. When you visit your friends they are just going to be so happy to see you just as you are. They love you for you inside and out. Besides they will be too busy worrying about the same thing. :-) LOL And, congratulations on the new pants size that is great!!! :-) Hugs

At 7:13 AM, Blogger Ella said...

First, "Well done!" on being down one whole pant size. That is awesome. It is very hard to forgive ourselves for what we see as "wrong" about our appearance. And swimsuit shopping is the worst. Glad Mollie was with you. Of all people, she probably knows how beautiful you are. :)

But the answer to your post question is a definite "yes." We can tell ourselves it is silly, but we do it anyway. As soon as I know someone is a good and kind person that is all I ever see. It is just like there is a big "good and kind" bubble around them. Looks are so unimportant. So why can't we see ourselves that way? Don't know, but it sucks.

It is one of those questions like, "What came first, the chicken or the egg?" "Why can't I think I am pretty?" Don't believe I will ever know the answer to either of those.

Have a good trip, my friend.

At 8:58 AM, Blogger Katie said...

Hi PK, :) How wonderful that you are down a pants size! Be very proud, Lady!!! Super!!!

I won't repeat the above, but we all do it. We are taught that first impressions matter, etc., etc., etc! The thing is, your friends already KNOW you! They already LOVE you! So... when you think about your looks on a day, such as the one that you are thinking of, do what makes you feel good. :)

I've had the pleasure of meeting you twice, as well as spending some vacation time with you. You, my friend, are beautiful! As Terps said above, "they love you for you, inside and out"! True that! I know it! Your friends that you speak of will know it too, I'm betting!

The hair thing... I have been blessed with the good fortune of not having to colour my hair to this point. Just the other day I had a conversation with Rob about it all. He wants me to let it go, and see where the grey takes me. He thinks it will be sexy and pretty and it's me. I am torn on that one. My mother always coloured her hair. I think that it was almost therapy to escape to her hair appointment each week- LOL! We never saw her completely grey. I kept it up for her throughout her time post her stroke, as I knew that it was important to her... I always kind of admired how she kept herself up in that way. I guess it all depends how you look at it. I am not ready to go grey... IDK! LOL! We all do this stuff in one way or another.

Bathing suit! Eeeeeeek!!!! We need some warm weather so that I can start getting my tan on. LOL!!! Hope that you have a lovely trip! Many hugs,

<3 Katie

At 10:02 AM, Blogger Meredith Malloy said...

Congratulations on the smaller pant size. Celebrate that victory.

We all fight what is happening. It is happening to all of us, but we just didn't know it would happen so fast. I have my hair colored because I think my makeup looks better. Who knows?

Bathing suit shopping ........... horrors! I did find a new suit that works well and my solution was to buy two........ different prints!

Aging is going to happen and none of us like the alternative. Leave your cares at home and treasure those friends, the new and the old.

At 2:18 PM, Blogger an English Rose said...

Hi Pk, I have not commented much for the last couple of days but I just felt I had to get off my sick bed to say


Well done on the drop in size. We are all the same, and in reality our friends are more worried about them selves than us. Go grey if you want, or not if you don't, wear what you fancy, be proud of your weight loss.love Jan,xx

At 3:15 PM, Blogger ronnie said...

Fantastic news dropping down a size. Good for you.

We all do it, human nature. Hope you have a wonderful trip.


At 7:01 PM, Blogger PK said...

You might have hit it here. Yes, we're all going to worry, but once we're together it won't matter like we worry it will.

At 7:08 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Roz, I'm so happy to see you here and I hope you feel like being around more now. And you're right real friends don't care about appearances.

At 7:13 PM, Blogger PK said...

Good for you - if I'd done it naturally I think I would have liked it better. But either way is fine. I may decide to dye it again. So nice to change as the mood strikes us.

At 7:13 PM, Blogger PK said...

We DO know better - what's wrong with us?

At 7:15 PM, Blogger PK said...

For us women, hair and hair color matters. We should each do what makes US happy and change it if we want to.

At 7:17 PM, Blogger PK said...

Nick and I are leaving in the morning and I am really looking forward to just relaxing together.

At 7:20 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Terps, I was surprised even though I knew I'd lost some weight. All the women I'm going with are beautiful but I'm betting some of them don't realize it either.

At 7:25 PM, Blogger PK said...

Swim suit shopping - the worst! But you're right. I may not be going with super models, but they all look that way to me.

At 7:28 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks you do make me feel better. As for the hair situation. Definitely do what you want - but that being said I'm with Rob. You have such pretty hair and I could seen it being a gorgeous salt and pepper some day. I really think that is sexy. Maybe give it a try and if you don't like it, you can change it.

At 7:38 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Meredith! I've dyed my hair for over fifteen years so I'm with you. I felt I looked better, but I'm tired of fighting it. I want to see what it looks like natural and if I'm not happy with it, I'll dye it again.

I may have to go back and wear my mother's old bathing suit. She used to say there was nothing wrong with it except a hole in the knee.

At 7:40 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thank you so much Jan! Following your advice become easier and easier as I get older. It's just pocket of occasional doubt that pop up.

At 7:41 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Ronnie. I know it will work out fine. At least I'm not self conscience with Nick.

At 11:51 PM, Blogger Cat said...

Congratulations on losing the pant size! I think everyone above has said everything I can think of. I worry also, especially when different friends tell me how much weight they've lost while I have gained. But then I get together with them and all I think about is how much fun we're having together. No matter how big or small you are or what color hair you have, your awesome personality is all people are going to see. Oh and btw...two toned hair is all the rage right now. ;)

Hugs and blessings...Cat

At 9:54 AM, Blogger Leigh Smith said...

So glad you've dropped some weight. It's always a hurrah moment when we reach a certain level of maturity. Revel in that and the heck with the rest.

At 8:13 PM, Blogger Minelle Labraun said...

I am so happy for you that you dropped some weight, primarily because of the health benefits! However I understand how much fun it is to go shopping when you lose weight!
I am not sure what is happening with blogger but when I am on my phone I can only comment on a few blogs! Grrrrr so I am on the computer!
I think we woman are very hard on ourselves, not sure why. I know I cringe when I see pictures of myself, since at times I feel so over weight. I do take them now however, since a long time ago my kids pointed out that there weren't any pictures of mom. They didn't see me the same way I did.


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