No, I’m not talking about some exciting sex act. I’m talking about worrying about their personal appearance. On a day to day basic I don’t. But it’s nearly always a problem that crops up when I go shopping. And that’s what Mollie and I did last Friday. There was definite good news. I’d gone down one pant size. That made me very happy.
But I didn’t stop there – I tried on a bathing suits. Why do I do such things? Nick and I are heading to the beach later this week. But I’m not worried about Nick. For better or worse nothing about my looks has scared him off this far, I think he’s here for the duration. But later this summer I’m going to the beach with some girl friends. They know what I look like too, they’re my friends – why does the thought of getting together with them make me worry about my appearance?
It may be my hair. I’m trying to go natural – which is gray. I’m excited about that, being my true self. My hair dresser toned down the brown and now I’m looking blonde. But I’m not a blonde and it feels uncomfortable. I don’t have time for the gray to come in fully, so I feel two toned.
It's not quite this bad.
I need to stop this. Just as I’m looking forward to visiting with my friends, they are looking forward to visiting with me – they are not going to worry about the color of my hair or how I look in a bathing suit. I keep repeating this in my head.
I’m afraid too many women do this to themselves. Maybe I should really think about what I tell my students, “No one is going to notice the spot on your shirt, they’re just worried they might have a spot on their shirt.”