I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, March 31, 2015

What's a mother to do?

I guess it’s not a secret out here that I’m a proud mama. I love my children so much. But I truly dread the next few months with Mollie. She called tonight and I’m all in knots. It’s nothing bad – all completely normal, but it’s coming onto a monumental worrying time for her and she drains off her stress and worry by giving it to me.

My baby girl is graduating Mother’s day. I find that amazing and wonderful. But the worries of real life are hitting her. Teaching is funny when you are starting out. She doesn’t know where she wants to teach. She doesn’t really want to live alone in a strange town and although she likes this area and our extended family is important to her, she doesn’t want to live in our town. And while it would be nice to have her close by, I feel she needs to spread her wings.

So how does she start? Often teachers don’t get hired until the week before school begins. That doesn’t leave much time to get an apartment and can she afford to live alone and she won’t know anyone there and will she be able to get a job at all and while we’re worrying, she still isn’t dating any one and will she ever marry and have kids and…

And these are HER questions – not mine! But she dumps them on me – as she should, I’m her mom and a good sounding board. I’ve learned to listen and keep my mouth shut for the most part. It’s pretty easy not giving advice since I have no answers to these questions and wouldn’t know which direction to push her if I wanted to.

But how do I keep the worry and stress off my mind – I’ve been down and tense since she called. I don’t want to feel like this until next August! Anyone have a job, an apartment and a man for my daughter? It sure would help.

You needn’t suggest our usual form of stress relief. I don’t think it’s on the table right now. And after graduation, when Mollie is around for the summer it’s going to be ever less likely. I think I’ll just sit here and pull my hair out.


35 comments:

  1. Awww PK...I so understand what you are going through. Whenever one of my kids calls and starts talking about problems and issues, I just want to be able to 'fix' it for them. I have learned that since I can't, I just send prayers and positive energy their way and try to keep my mind busy so I don't dwell on their issues.

    Sending lots of prayers and positive energy for Mollie...I am sure she will receive an excellent job offer soon.

    Hugs and blessings...
    Cat

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    1. I'm pretty good about not trying to fix things, not so good on not dwelling on their issues in my mind. I'm working on them. I appreciate the prayers and energy.

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  2. Oh dear PK, I have no suggestions for you or Mollie. I think really you can only listen and agree with her! Fingers crossed that she gets everything sorted soon ( also I hope you and Nick can get in the groove)
    love Jan,xx

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    1. All I an do is let it all play out and hope my blood pressure can take it all.

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  3. Yeah kids..you never stop worrying. I am willing to bet tho, that Mollie ends up exactly where she belongs and should be.....
    hugs abby

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  4. Congratulations to Mollie on her impending graduation. As a parent you always worry. I'm sure things will fall into place. Sending positive thoughts for Mollie.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz we appreciate them.

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  5. The fact you're here, posting about your worries, shows what a great mum you are. You're there for her, and that's what counts most of all.

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    1. I hope you're right. Nick and I would both do anything in the world for our kids - and I guess one of those things is to let them go where life leads.

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  6. Anonymous10:59 AM

    Perhaps Mollie and some of her college friends should find and apartment together and all look for jobs in the area of the college. I will pray for her to make a comfortable decision

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    1. That had been the tentative plan when two said they didn't want to get an apartment with Mollie and the other. There are some hurt feelings and no mama wants their baby's feelings hurt.

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  7. I'm sure Mollie will get just the right job offer for her. Maybe she could then get a share with someone in the same town until she's more settled in her job.

    We sure do worry about our children no matter how old they are.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. I know she would want to get a roommate, but she's not sure how to go about it in a strange town. I know my mom worried about me until she died.

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  8. I understand. Didn't go through that with our daughter, she got engaged and married the August after she graduated from college. She'll be fine and it will be a good thing if she steps outside her comfort level, she will always have you to fall back on and she knows that. You've given her all she needs to succeed.

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    1. You're right and I hope she will step out of her comfort zone. I went away after college and after a year made the choice to come back to my home town. I do want her to get away even if she decided to come back sometime.

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  9. I totally know how you feel, our oldest graduated last May took her until October to find a PRN position that has since went part time (30-35 hours a week). So with that she is terrified to sign a lease on an apt for fear of not getting enough hours to pay for it. She also really doesn't want to live alone. She actually is staying at a coworkers house with the coworkers husbands & two teenagers. This is not what I had envisioned for her at all. I just pray for her happiness & for her to either find a roommate or go full time at her job to afford an apt.

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    1. Ashley I hope all does work out for her soon. I read a mom can't be happier than her least happy child - that's true. Even if they aren't unhappy just having them unsettles is troubling.

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  10. Having had a daughter go through almost exactly the same experience as Molly it would be very easy to say that everything will work out as it should.....but.....well......it will!

    Just hang in there, August is not that far away.

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    1. I'm trying! I continue to listen and hope and pray...

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  11. Oh PK, I hear what you're saying. My youngest daughter graduated in the height of the recession. I was ready to have her back home but she couldn't find a job and ended up several states away after a six month search. I had to keep telling myself this is her life and her decisions. It didn't work out the way I wanted it to but she's making a really good life for herself where she is. As hard as it is you need to let go and let her figure this out. You've raised an amazing young, strong, courageous woman. Sit back and watch her soar!!

    Hugs,
    Clara

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    1. Thanks Clara. It is her life and all we ever want for our kids is for them to be happy. I appreciate your words.I think raising them was a lot easier for me than letting them go.

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  12. It's normal for a mother to worry about her kids so don't feel bad about the stress you feel. But look at the bright side. She's a smart, attractive young women who had a wonderful upbringing with you and your hubby as her parents. Everything is going to work out just fine.

    FD

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    1. Thank FD, from your keyboard to God's ear! I do have full confidence in her. All usually I just want everything known and settled. I guess I'm just going to have to wait.

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  13. Sigh... I know how you feel! I will not be much help here. You know how much of a worrywart I am. I pray that she will be as lucky as she has been up until this point in her life!

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    1. Yes I hope she will be. It's not that I doubt her abilities - I just want things settled!

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  14. Are teaching jobs so plentiful that she can pick and choose? When I graduated from teacher's college I didn't even get an offer to substitute teach for a day until the following November, and not one interview from the many applications I sent out. If she can make plans to go to a particular city to teach then get a job there, she is very lucky.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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    1. No they aren't - that's just it. She can apply all over and have no idea where she will be and then be scrambling at the last second trying to find a place to live. But I know it will work out some how.

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  15. First of all, many congratulations to Mollie for her achievements, and to you for being such a great mum!

    Secondly, has Mollie ever considered working abroad? Most young people headed into teaching that I know, do a year abroad somewhere like Africa before they start their real work. It certainly looks good on their CVs, and gives them life experience that stays with them for ever.

    Whatever she decides to do, I wish her all the best with her future!

    Hugs
    Ami

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    1. Thanks Ami! Now about abroad, I wouldn't try to stop her but I'm not suggesting it!

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  16. My husband always tells me, when I feel this way, that it is a mom thing. Hang tight and try to breathe. Keep reminding yourself that you can't fix anything for her. So exciting that she is graduating. You should be a proud mama

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    1. I really am proud! And I'm trying to remember to breath. In… our…in…out...

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  17. Congrats on Mollie graduating PK it only seems like yesterday that she was going off to college. My goodness where does the time go eh? I think it is just a mum thing, we worry for our youngsters because we have been through it and know what is ahead...but Mollie is a sensible girl and clever and bright and has you for her mum and I am absolutely sure she will work it all out. Relax and enjoy being the proud mama as she graduates and then just chill and take it easy while she figures out what she wants to do...just be there for her like you always are and everything will work out in the wash :)

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    1. Thanks Kiwi! I haven't heard from you in a long time, glad you're back. She's as good a kid (adult I know) and she will be a great teacher - I just want her to be happy in her placement.

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  18. I am sure Mollie will find her path and I know you will be there to support her every step. :-) It will all work out.

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