I’m hesitant to write this for several reasons. One is that I don’t want anyone to think I’m complaining about Nick. I’m not. I’m not the least bit upset with Nick about anything. He’s as close to the perfect husband as a wife could hope for. The second reason is that Eva is just getting back into this and I’m thrilled for her, I don’t want my musings to bring her newly found enthusiasm down. (So stop reading, twin, we’ll talk of your current experiences.) But I write here to help me sort out my feelings so here goes.
We all know that there are many different types of spanking relationships, the gambit runs from a fun slap and tickle kind of thing only used for giggles and for sex, to extremely strict, truly getting your ass seriously busted for deviating in any way from what your HOH has said. Neither of these extremes appeals to me in the least. So if I were to put these on a scale of 1 – 10, one being the just for fun and ten being bruised butt, corner time, grounded, where are you? Where do you want to be?
Just for fun in real trouble
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I’m at a one, I think I’d like to be at least at a three or four. It’s like I really, really want to curl up on the couch and watch a good movie. I don't want to watch movies 24/7 but when I do, I want to see something I can get into, something that seems real to me and that I can lose myself in – maybe ever cry a little or at least feel some emotion. But the only DVD’s we seem to have are Sponge Bob reruns, and if that’s my only choice, then just turn off the damn TV.
I know Nick would help me if he could, but he can’t. He knows the scale goes past two, but he has no true concept of what that involves. It’s not in his DNA and that’s not his fault, it would be like trying to change your blood type.
Nick rarely reads here and I’ve made the choice to not share these feelings with him. I mean I certainly have over the years, but I’ve come to realize that where we are now is good enough for Nick. I don’t think he wants anymore, he seems completely happy with what we have now.
And me? I’m pretty content. What we have is so much better than the way we used to be. But at the same time, I know that there’s more, I know because we’ve been there for brief periods, but … I just don’t know how to get there again.
Sometime I just want to tell him to stop spanking at all. With no emotion attached, then all it does is hurt, I might as well stub my toe. I'm just tired of nothing but cartoons.