Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Do I want to be spanked?

I suppose out here in our world that title seems like a stupid question. I guess even more stupid than that is that I don’t know the answer.  I’m as confused as I’ve ever been. I know I’m a spanko and could never be anything else, I want to read about it, day dream about it and certainly write about it. But I don’t really want to do it.

I’m hesitant to write this for several reasons. One is that I don’t want anyone to think I’m complaining about Nick. I’m not. I’m not the least bit upset with Nick about anything. He’s as close to the perfect husband as a wife could hope for. The second reason is that Eva is just getting back into this and I’m thrilled for her, I don’t want my musings to bring her newly found enthusiasm down. (So stop reading, twin, we’ll talk of your current experiences.) But I write here to help me sort out my feelings so here goes.

We all know that there are many different types of spanking relationships, the gambit runs from a fun slap and tickle kind of thing only used for giggles and for sex, to extremely strict, truly getting your ass seriously busted for deviating in any way from what your HOH has said. Neither of these extremes appeals to me in the least. So if I were to put these on a scale of 1 – 10, one being the just for fun and ten being bruised butt, corner time, grounded, where are you? Where do you want to be?

   Just for fun                                                                            in real trouble
1       2       3       4        5       6       7       8      9     10

I’m at a one, I think I’d like to be at least at a three or four.  It’s like I really, really want to curl up on the couch and watch a good movie. I don't want to watch movies 24/7 but when I do, I want to see something I can get into, something that seems real to me and that I can lose myself in – maybe ever cry a little or at least feel some emotion. But the only DVD’s we seem to have are Sponge Bob reruns, and if that’s my only choice, then just turn off the damn TV.

I know Nick would help me if he could, but he can’t. He knows the scale goes past two, but he has no true concept of what that involves. It’s not in his DNA and that’s not his fault, it would be like trying to change your blood type.

Nick rarely reads here and I’ve made the choice to not share these feelings with him. I mean I certainly have over the years, but I’ve come to realize that where we are now is good enough for Nick. I don’t think he wants anymore, he seems completely happy with what we have now.

And me? I’m pretty content. What we have is so much better than the way we used to be. But at the same time, I know that there’s more, I know because we’ve been there for brief periods, but … I just don’t know how to get there again.

Sometime I just want to tell him to stop spanking at all. With no emotion attached, then all it does is hurt, I might as well stub my toe. I'm just tired of nothing but cartoons.

Written by PK at 5:30 PM

41 comments

41 Comments:

At 12:52 AM, Blogger 1ManView said...

Regardless of what type of relationships we have, they usual get stale time to time. It wasn't long ago Heart and soul (Ronnie) was complaining about the lack of. She's at a higher scale then you, but still not where she wants to be. It's not fair to you or him to be quiet. He might have a little more juice in him if you just ask for it. He just may think he's doing enough. Heck, buy a new tape, sometimes a quiet leader, is better then a grumpy follower...

peace and love
1ManView

 
At 1:18 AM, Blogger Daisy Christian said...

I've been in your situation before and it seems we just Fall into a safe place. I rarely get spanked anymore but when he decides to he knows he can. He is dominant and does his best so I just take what I can get .. I often go from a 1 to a 10 but usually I stay at a 5
Hugs

 
At 2:53 AM, Blogger grace said...

I don't know where I fall on that scale...right now I feel like a zero. I wish I had some answers for you, but I don't even have answers for myself

 
At 6:08 AM, Blogger abby said...

I have no answers for you, but i understand what you are saying. It is hard to change a person. It seems to me he has tried to change, it just is not him. You two have grown so much as a couple.
hugs abby

 
At 7:29 AM, Blogger Eva said...

Big ol' sigh. I get it. I really really get it. You know that. Love you twin.

 
At 7:41 AM, Blogger an English Rose said...

Hi Pk, I understand how you feel exactly. We veer on the fun side, I sometimes wish he would not tell me how hopeless he is at the lecture and just bloody well follow through. When I do try and say it's a bit nothing without the lecture he says I am not naughty enough !! you are right without the rest it's just not quite enough. Bless them , I suppose we will just have to live with it.
love Jan,xx

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger Leigh Smith said...

What can I say - you know the story, how I feel and where we are. I live in my head and stories.

 
At 9:20 AM, Blogger Lillyanna Rose said...

Not sure if your a talker durning "playtime", I'm usually pretty quiet. But if you have the courage while your getting that level two spanking can you moan and" say oh that feels so good... spank me harder" I could never do that but hey it may work. We do erotic spankings but they are still pretty ouchy. For me sex is so much better with a sore tush. And we do punishment spankings which hurt but could always be worse so I would say we are between 5 & 7. I am content there. I just wish it was more often. Good luck:) ♥Lilly

 
At 9:39 AM, Blogger Meg said...

I'm trying to just get onto the scale. We were on at 1, sometimes 2, but have slid off again. In my head we'd be a 5.

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

You know how I truly empathize and understand your words as much as if they were my own. At the moment we are at zero. In times that felt "just right" we were still probably only at a 2 or 3, still in the fun zone with playful and erotic spankings along with love making but with occasional threatening flirtations that made my heart go pitter patter. Combined with my imagination I could bring it up to a 4 just in my head. Those times I felt good, loved, and looked forward to the little spanks at level 1 between but very rarely stayed there long enough to get comfortable and have always longed for more. Now my expectations are just to reach a .25 or maybe even a .5 :-) Still, I am content and we are happy, but like you, I know there is more...I can still see the potential...but mostly have to live it in my dreams... Big hugs to you...

 
At 10:06 AM, Blogger ronnie said...

PK,

I think we all want more than we have/get. I know I do.

We know you are not complaining about your hubby. Nick is Nick and as you say it's not in his DNA. I wish I had answers for you or could wave a magic wand.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger George K said...

PK, I understand because Nina is conceptually just like Nick. Emotionally we are at a 1, but when she does spank it leaves me red and sore so I think I would rate actual the spanking at 5 or 6. I agree with Ronnie that we all would like more. Great post!

Hugs,
George

 
At 12:24 PM, Blogger Meredith Malloy said...

We are away and this iPad is giving me fits. I have tried to comment twice. I will email once home.
Meredith

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger Cat said...

Hey PK...the only kind of spankings I've ever had were for discipline and attitude adjustment...never had any fun ones so even though I enjoy 'spanking' stories, I've always considered myself a spankno. Don't know what I would do in your situation so I'll just say...sending you lots of positive energy that things work out the way you want.

Hugs and Blessings...
Cat

 
At 1:07 PM, Blogger PK said...

I know if I talked to Nick he would try again as he has often, but it would be like me asking him to get taller - some things he can't change and I worry he's going to feel bad if I keep asking for something he just can't give.

 
At 1:10 PM, Blogger PK said...

Nick is dominant in a quiet way. We are on an even basis, no one is boss. He usually only thinks of spanking when he want's to have sex. That's a fine time, but its not the only time I need it.

 
At 1:12 PM, Blogger PK said...

Grace,
I know we have men who love us and want to make us happy, but it's hard to explain what we need, especially if we don't really know ourselves.

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger PK said...

That's it exactly. I really think he is doing all he can do without begin someone he's just … not. And I don't want someone else.

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger PK said...

I told you not to read this - have Adam take the crop to you for not doing as you are told.

 
At 1:19 PM, Blogger PK said...

Jan - I do understand. I really don't do anything seriously wrong, tons of little things. Nick can't lecture and it's really better when I just do it in my head - and damn, I'm good at it!

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger PK said...

I saw a councilor for a short time over 30 years ago who warned me about 'living in my head' too much. She said it could keep me from connecting fully in the real world. I didn't listen, but she was right.

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger Paul said...

PK,
I haven't spanked anybody for so long, I've forgotten what it feels like.
I hope that you get what you need, soon.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.

 
At 1:33 PM, Blogger PK said...

I can ask him to spank harder or longer - he'd be happy to. But that's not what I want. I guess I want/need some discipline, something that changes it from just a sex game into something real. I think a lot of spankos know exactly want I mean, but its nearly impossible to explain to a vanilla.

 
At 1:34 PM, Blogger PK said...

I do understand, five would be a nice place to live.

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger PK said...

Sometimes, not always, but sometimes the teasing threats just annoy me when I know nothing is coming.

 
At 1:45 PM, Blogger PK said...

It makes us sound so needy at times - but what I want would really benefit both Nick and me if it were possible.

 
At 1:52 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks George, that's why I almost want to step away from spanking at all. Now it only hurts, even mild ones. When we started and there felt like some realism possible I could take a much harder spanking and I miss that.

 
At 1:52 PM, Blogger PK said...

I love hearing from you Meredith - anytime.

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger Blondie said...

Wow. This is a real good question. It's hard to almost get exactly what you want but not quite enough and then deciding you would rather have nothing. Decisions like this don't have to be made and be 100%final. I wish I had some advice for you. Ty is really good at giving spankings because that's who he is. But if gives them for reasons that I don't find acceptable then the spanking would not be okay. Kind of the reverse here. Don't give up....

 
At 1:55 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thank you Cat, that the best anyone can do for me. I'm not unhappy. There is just something I want that I can't have and sometimes I moan and whine about it and that helps me feel better. I'd like a beautiful summer home in the mountains with a fantastic view. I'm not miserable I don't have it,it would just be nice.

 
At 1:57 PM, Blogger PK said...

Dear Paul, I'd settle for just knowing what I want.

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger PK said...

I know Blondie, I haven't told Nick not to spank me. I probably won't because it would hurt his feelings. But I can't bring myself to ask for what I need anymore. If I don't I'm expecting it to eventually die out.

 
At 2:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you ever noticed that so many female bloggers/commenters would like more from their partners? It seems daily I read a blog that says nothing is going on, the Hoh is pulling back, the writer wants more.
My husband usually just spanks as foreplay cause he knows I like it and it does seem to turn him on. He has realized that it is also good when I am stressed or getting bratty. He can lecture, but not in a serious enough way. So I would also like more, longer or harder, BUT it seems the guys have their own lives to live too and maybe they don't want to be so in charge of everything. My hubby actually prefers that I correct my behavior because he told me it was annoying or upsetting (out of love for him) and not because I might be punished. I think we need to accept things as they are for the most part and from time to time bring it up in communication. I read spanking stories: they make me fantasize or be hot for sex, and I'm grateful when I do get spanked.

 
At 4:04 PM, Blogger PK said...

Anon, you're completely right. We aren't children and Nick told me right from the start that he wasn't my father or my keeper, he was my husband. I want him that way. That's why I'm gently complaining to all of you here that pretty much understand, I may want more, but I am very grateful for what I have. I appreciate you coming by and commenting.

 
At 5:35 PM, Anonymous Downunder Don said...

There is so much pressure in this PC world to not hit or hurt anyone that most men would literally run a mile away from even a fun spanking relationship. I am constantly needing permission or reassurance that TTWD is what she really wants and desires. But the big C...Communication...is not just about permission but more importantly the how, what, when and why of it all.Otherwise things will naturally taper off.

Maybe you need to hurt his feelings once in while to re-establish the boundaries. I know I am constantly asking for direction and feedback but she just thinks I should be a mind reader and instinctively know what is required. But while normally Mumski could talk the hind leg off a donkey, once the "talk" begins it is like speaking to a rock.

Let him know...he may get grumpy, but you may get what you want.

 
At 7:14 PM, Blogger Minelle Labraun said...

Well as always great question and post.
I guess we are all over the board. I really wonder about my need and desire sometimes. I'd say that reading about and imagining discipline in stories is really what I love! My Scotsman's spontaneous smacks when he is frustrated are probably what many would call attitude adjustments...they can sting like crazy....but probably fall on the lower end of the spectrum....We have spanking fun when in the bedroom.....but I love the long spankings even if they are stress relief for me and for him lead straight into FUN.
Although the other day he did indicate he would discipline seriously if I did a certain thing...I'd never do.....lol.
He does surprise me all the time...never when I ask or talk ---usually when he just DOES.

It's probably some of what Downunder Don says.....too much analyzing...

 
At 7:40 PM, Blogger PK said...

Wow, it sounds like Mumski and I are the same person! You have no idea how much we want you all to read our minds. I too can talk continually about anything else.

I know Nick has no questions about my constant willingness, but I guess he doesn't know about my longing for it to be more. You've given me a lot to think about.

 
At 7:47 PM, Blogger PK said...

I think I need to act up some time. If I'm mad I don't cuss and yell - I go silent. When I have a nasty attitude - I go silent. When I'm mad at him for not spanking enough - I go silent. I can see what Downunder Dom is saying.

 
At 11:46 AM, Blogger Katie said...

Hi PK, :) I don't see this post as complaining at all. I wish that I had some advice to give you, but I can't come up with anything too helpful. I don't think that you can change anyone, at the same time, I always go back to that sentence that I learned a few years back in marriage counseling. "Tell him what you need." For me that was hard as I wasn't sure what that was at the time. Sometimes I still don't know. We love and so part of that is giving to and working toward meeting each others' needs. I'd say to keep on talking and giving Nick feedback. He can only try to give to you what he knows that you would like. You know? Aww- I wish that I could wave that magic wand that Ronnie is talking about! Many hugs,

<3 Katie

 
At 3:01 PM, Blogger Ami Starsong said...

I wonder whether we are looking at the 'scale' in the wrong way?

Because we all differ in the way we perceive this dynamic, and look for different outcomes, perhaps we are all more in the middle than we think.

We are very similar to you and Nick, and also very similar to several other couples around here. Yet there are small differences that make us all unique.

Even if we found "utopia" we would still strain to see the grass on the other side and wonder if a mouthful or two would be an improvement on what we have. I doubt it would.

All I can say is how envious I am beginning to feel as I live through these spankless days. However, there is no way on this earth I want even a little tap of two at the moment, and I wonder whether I shall ever view even an intense spanking session as 'painful' again. I have noticed that I am getting a little more rambustuous (is that a word?) every day though, and am fairly positive that I shall be reminded of my behaviour when we are able to return to spanky heaven.

And I have to smile, PK, because Dan got thoroughly irritated by my behaviour yesterday, and went to give me a hard swat to my rear, remembered, stopped, and diverted the swipe to my upper arm.

Not the same, dear, not the same. LOL!

Just remember what my Victorian female ancestors were told "Lie back and think of England". (In your case, America.) We are all luckier than we admit to.

Many hugs to you and Nick.

Ami

 
At 9:04 AM, Blogger Jay said...

I wish it were possible for them (the spanker) to feel what we feel emotionally. Then maybe they would understand why we need it and could deliver accordingly. It's just so hard to explain it to someone who doesn't feel how we feel. I know I'll keep trying anyway. Good luck with everything!

 

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