I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, June 30, 2013

This means a lot to me - Please read

You had to know that I would eventually have to give my opinion on what’s happened out here.  I completely understand going private if you feel that is the best thing for you – always go with your gut. Hopefully some will feel comfortable opening their sites back to the public after some time passes.


As a teacher there is a little speech I make early in the year, it’s about bullying. We discuss it in general, I tell them despite plans to ‘stamp out bullying’ it’s never going to happen. I stress to the kids that I’m not talking to the bullies, I’m talking to the other 98% of the children and explain how we do have the bullies vastly outnumbered and by supporting one another the bullying problem can sometime be reduced to a minor annoyance.

Specifically I discuss gay bashing, I tell my students that if they are gay or if they ‘worry’ that they may be gay, that that's okay. But that they probably shouldn’t discuss it with their classmates.  They are welcome to talk with a councilor or me. I tell them my son is gay and that I love him because he is a wonderful person, but that the majority of sixth graders do not have the maturity to understand.

I guess the same could be said for ‘reporters’ when it comes to writing articles about TTWD. Shoot anyone could write an article against it. I’m a spanko to the core, but I could write something against it easier than falling off a log.  To write something with balance it takes intelligence, understanding, a willingness to truly look at something from a completely different viewpoint, and a tolerance of different lifestyles to write a fair article.

I’m sorry we can’t be more open about our lifestyles, it would surely make life easier. I wrote something shortly after I began blogging that’s one of my favorite post, since it’s nearly seven years old I’m assuming most of you haven’t read it. Here it is with minor changes.


An email from a friend got me all stirred up about this topic so pardon me while I rant, but I'm upset. I want to know where the rest of the world gets off thinking that what we enjoy and the lifestyle we chose makes us some type of sicko that should not be accepted in polite society!

Many people enjoy massages; often they pay big bucks to have a stranger give them a massage. They talk about how good it feels and how relax they felt afterwards. If their friends, family and colleagues have any thoughts on the matter most would think, “Yeah, a massage would be great”. Well I hate massages. Sometimes people I barely know come up behind me and start rubbing my shoulders. It hurts likes hell. I want to scream at them. If I say anything about not wanting them digging their digits into the muscles near my neck I get a strange look and something like “You don’t LIKE that? There must be something wrong with you. You are way too tense.”

I see people at the gym lifting weights so heavy they look as though they are going to tear a muscle. Runners and cyclist are taught to run or ride through the pain for the benefits on the other side. Huge men are paid bazillion dollars to slam into one another to get a ball moved down a field. All of these people are engaging in activities, by their own choice, that both hurt like hell and are activities that some others would never ever want to do. Yet they are considered normal. People will let them talk about what they enjoy and it’s even acceptable to encourage other to at least give it a try.

I enjoy being spanked. I love the sting, I love the afterglow, I love the achy soreness the next day, I love the feeling of release, I love the emotional closeness I feel with my husband, I love everything about it. Spanking is good for my physical, mental and emotional well being. I'm not even encouraging others to try it. I'm just saying it is a wonderful thing in my life.

So why is it that I would be the one to possible lose my job if my superiors were to discover that I blog about it. At best I could expect to be ridiculed, thought of as unnatural or perhaps even perverted. IT'S NOT FAIR. I am just as normal as those who like massages, lift weight, run or play football. But no, our desire is strictly taboo. I want to stand up and yell “I’m damn mad and I’m not going to take it anymore!” Instead I have to sit here and type “I’m damn mad and there is not a friggin thing I can do about it!”

And if you don’t mind if I rant on, another topic we are discussing on our blog is our sex life. This would also make our friends and family gasp in horror and heap embarrassment on us. WHY? If I were reading blogs to improve my cardiovascular system that would be fine, if my boss or family found out, they would be proud of me. I could ask all the question I wanted to and gathering all the information I could. But if I want to learn about my sexuality, if I want to learn more about how this part of my body how it works and ways to improve or enhanced the quality of an orgasm – oh my, heaven forbid! And speaking of heaven, God created our bodies and included in the female a special added feature strictly for pleasure having nothing to do with reproduction. So evidently He intended for us to enjoy this part of our lives. There is nothing wrong with researching how our bodies are supposed to work.

We are talking about sex and spankings on our blogs. I am not standing on the street corner yelling these things at folks that don't want to hear it. If you don't want to hear my opinions on these topics you wouldn’t have read this far. I know that none of us are embarrassed in the least by what we read or write yet we worry about others finding out, because others won’t understand. I want my blog to remain a secret from my vanilla friends. Not only would I have to deal with the embarrassment if it were discovered, my family would also. But if anyone I know does find my blog and tries to make me feel guilty or threats to tell others I am going to print this post off, shove it in their face and tell them to kiss my ass!

My friends, I thank you for allowing me a place for my rant. I knew I would be safe here.


We've all made the choice to be here, own that decision and be proud.


61 comments:

  1. : D I enjoyed your rant. It is so true about the bullies. Another sport, extreme cage fighting, beating someone in the face until they are bloody. I don't get it, but people pay to watch it. To each his own. : )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BB, I hadn't thought of that one. Who would rather watch someone's face beat bloody more than they would like to watch a good spanking - we're not the crazy ones for sure!

      Delete
  2. That is a very good rant..I am goin to post about it hopefully tomorrow right after I send u those stories :)
    any way I agree with everything you said..my post will probably shed more light on it but honestly I don't think people that know you (you being in genera) and see interactions with your spouses would be very hard on you..sure they would have a few questions but all in all I think they would walk away saying "if it works for ya then so be it". I truly wish it was me and not some others that this journalist came down on because I'm here to honestly say I wouldn't care and I would totally invite her over.. I also wouldn't be surprised if she has a friend that is DD. hmm how funny would it be if her best friend has a DD blog ..Hillarious!!! Anyway glad to hear from you and u had a perfect point

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Daisy,
      I'm glad you feel so confident. I honestly think I'll be the same as soon as I retire. But I don't want to hand the haters the knowledge I lost 25% of my retirements because of them.

      Delete
  3. Hey PK…
    Outstanding rant!

    Here's another example, ballerinas…They are taught how to wrap and care for their feet when they get blisters and bleed not if! Most professional dancers have severe back and leg issues by the time they're in their mid-30s.

    I am very happy that I am not normal…Never have been, never will be. Will take happy over normal any day!

    Hugs and blessings,
    Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cat,
      Ballerinas have to be some of the toughest people in the world.

      I think of normal as dull, and that doesn't describe any of us.

      Delete
  4. PK, this is wonderful. I think the same way about the hypocrisy and ignorance. There is real fear in "polite society" to give the same credence to sexual health and the emotional and physical aspects of it, as they give to any other health need/desire.

    People pay a lot of money to watch sports figures knock the livin' daylights out of each other, under a strict and refereed set of rules, while the multitudes cheer. But, add the element of rules, accountability and leadership/followership to a couple engaged in some level consensual slap and quirky tickle, and it becomes classified as domestic abuse, punishable by law.

    If you manage to avoid prosecution, there still remain severe consequences. In many professions, you can lose your job, and play heck finding a new one. At the very least, you suffer ridicule, diminished authority, loss of respect, being ostracized and considered suspect.

    The older part of this post does sound a little familiar. I remember digging around in your blog quite a while back, so perhaps I read it before. I think I've read shades and bits and pieces of this sentiment here and there all over this community. It's amazing how so many people believe they know best what is right and wrong for strangers to them.

    Oh, and if course we knew you would weigh in. ;-) Thank you for this.

    Hugs,

    Irishey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Irishey,
      I think many, many of us feel the same way about all of this and I think most of us could explain it completely to a vanilla, but our words are taken out of context and twisted so easily.

      Delete
  5. Hi PK what a brilliant rant. How articulate you are. Maybe you should have written an article for a certain newspaper, at least it would be true :)))
    love Jan.xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jan,
      I would love to feel the freedom to send this to them, but for the reasons stated, we can't. Someday maybe.

      Delete
  6. You are right on the money dear. I love this older post. The interesting thing is that if someone is a person who willingly exchanges ideas,thoughts and opinions with an open mind they will understand better. We change things more one person at a time.
    Glad you weighed in my friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Minelle,
      Being open-minded seems to be going out of style along with common sense. I hope it comes back.

      Delete
  7. Well said PK. I totally agree with you.

    Hug,
    joey

    ReplyDelete
  8. PK,
    I remember this post, I agreed with you then and I still do.
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paul,
      We've both been around a while haven't we? We know the truth, but it's hard to convince others.

      Delete
  9. Thank you for well written ranting posts, old and new.
    I used to do something that was painful, risky, thrilling, it gave me a buzz and I felt alive. it involves hitting strangers with pointy metal sticks and it's called fencing. Strangely I never had a problem about coming out as a fencer to friends and family. It's a pity the new thrilling thing in my life is a secret to those about me. I come here to feel part of a community who shares the buzz and sometimes the pain too :)
    hugs
    DF

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DF,
      Isn't that a shame, something so close, yet one is 'interesting' the other 'kinky'. It's just wrong!

      Delete
  10. PK that was an excellent rant, good job.

    Bob

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Bob, it's something close to my heart.

      Delete
  11. Anonymous6:53 AM

    I agree with you. Thank you so much for staying!! I love your blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon,
      I'm hoping to be here as long as anyone cares to read. Thanks.

      Delete
  12. I'd never made that comparison before. This was so well written and I really liked the perspective.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chickadee,
      I really don't like bullying in any form.

      Delete
  13. As appropriate today as it was seven years ago and will be appropriate again seven years in the future. The "bullies" will only be with us as long as we let them reign.

    Great post, girl. Love it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sunny,
      It makes me want to tear my hair out to see one child running roughshod over a class of 25 or so. I feel the same way about article writers!

      Delete
  14. Ohhh I love this. Perhaps the Daily Beast would like to publish it as a reaction to the other one? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Conina,
      One of these days, I just might send it and we'll see.

      Delete
  15. Congrats on all your insight and wisdom. You are an inspiration for all of us.

    FD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FD,
      I don't know about that, but I sure like having a place to voice my thoughts.

      Delete
  16. I love your talk to your students and the ranting post. The analogy is spot on. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Meg,
      I may get in trouble at school, I've been 'talked to' by both my administrators for telling my students that LJ is getting married. No other teacher is 'talked to' when they say their kids are getting married. But many of my kids have only heard that if you're gay you are a horrible person and the world hates you. My students will hear at least one adult in their life saying that's not so.

      Delete
  17. I think that what we have is "fear of the unknown", which leads to ignorance and lack of tolerance.

    This extends to all things in life we do not understand.

    This year, for the first time in my long and varied teaching career, I had a little girl with Down's Syndrome in one of my classes.

    Before I met her, I was terrified. I would not be able to cope. I wouldn't know what to prepare. She would disrupt the class. My lessons would be ruined.

    I loved her from the start! She is naughty and mischievous and sweet and a scamp and loving and delightful! She has blossomed and flourished and we all adore her. She is 11 and only has the age of a 4 year old, but she is a treasure. I couldn't imagine life without her in my class.

    So I was stupid and ignorant. But mainly, I was scared. I was worried because suddenly I was outside my comfort zone.

    When I first found the blogs here, I made some stupid comments on several blogs. I'm sure I must have offended people, or at the very least, irritated them to death. But mostly I was made to feel welcome.

    I made stupid comments because, again, I was outside my comfort zone, and I was scared, this time not for myself, but for what I was reading about others. I just couldn't believe that anyone in their right mind would like this sort of thing.

    And then a strange thing happened. The more questions I asked, and the more I read, and the more I started to get friends with other people, I wanted to try it for myself. I wanted to understand what the big deal was. I wanted to know if it could help our marriage the same as it seemed to be helping other people. And yes, at that time I didn't know what direction things would be moving in.

    It seems strange looking back - not seven years like PK, but seven months, just how far Dan and I have come. Not that I would say I understand everything, our journey has hardly begun hopefully, but I know we are now at the point where TTWD has become a part of our marriage and we would find it difficult to stop.

    Like PK I now know I enjoy being spanked, I love the afterglow and the feeling of release, I love the closeness it has brought us and the joy and excitement too. It has done nothing but good! (Still haven't witnessed the achy soreness the next day yet! My bruises last ages, but the redness and soreness goes rather quickly - sulk sulk!)

    We are rather protected here by a largish stretch of ocean. We are also a very laid back nation. I do not know how I would react to family or friends getting to know about our 'secret life'. But maybe it is time to take a bit of a stand. To turn the other cheek, to ignore ignorance from these stupid people, and to band together. I don't know the answers. But I think that if I was a writer of sexy books, I wouldn't be worried - people could take them or leave them! If people don't like my way of life, then tough - they can take it or leave it too.

    However, I have respect for anyone who feels it best to go private to protect their family. Family is the most important of all. Perhaps they will return when the waves calm down again. I, for one, hope so.

    And I loved your rant written so long ago PK! Never was a truer word said...

    Hugs

    Ami

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AMEN !!! Are you my Twin, Amy ?

      Delete
    2. Ami,
      You are one of my favorite type of person. Some who has definite ideas, things they feel or believe. Yet, with a willingness to listen to to the ideas of other and to actually consider them. Willing to change if the facts make sense. I think that is the definition of open-minded!

      Mona,
      Thanks, I love to be agreed with!

      Delete
  18. I loved this PK!!!

    Hugs
    M

    ReplyDelete
  19. "God created our bodies and included in the female a special added feature strictly for pleasure having nothing to do with reproduction. So evidently He intended for us to enjoy this part of our lives."
    Absolutely, why else would we have it, it serves no other purpose than for pleasure. I really enjoyed this post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sassafrass,
      Thanks, sometimes we just need to stop and think about the way things are.

      Delete
  20. I do remember this post from the beginnings...and I think it stands as true today as it did then. Thank-you for sharing it again. I whole-heartedly agree and stand by your words. :-) Hugs, Terps

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Terps,
      We all know these things, I wish we could get other so consider there truth.

      Delete
  21. Thanks for letting us read your rant...and it's kind of sad that what was happening 7 years ago is still happening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ashley,
      We love talking and visiting out here, but when you get right down to it - there's not much more to say.

      Delete
  22. Good rant, PK - especially the long-ago one. Yes, Daisy, you should invite Rita Skeeter over for a few days to get her arse blistered and see if she might enjoy it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Malcolm,
      That does sound like a pretty good idea.

      Delete
  23. Absolutely awesome! Maybe you are in the wrong profession and you should be a speech writer. Except that this came from your heart, which is why I think that I like it so much. Thank you for sharing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blondie,
      I do love getting on my soapbox when it's something I'm passionate about - an this is one of those things!

      Delete
  24. Happy to have come by and read this--thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bleuame,
      I appreciate you coming by.

      Delete
  25. if we were just BDSM people it would be a lot more acceptable. So many of the comments on those articles were of the opinion that it was ok if it were just a kinky thing but when it comes to discipline it they're uncomfortable. It's just the intent that they can't understand. It's too bad the "reporter" didn't portray dd wives accurately because it's obvious that most of us desire this and even initiated it. I BEGGED my husband to consider this, I'm no victim. In fact, I feel loved, safe and secure and I want for nothing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tara,
      You're right. People are much more accepting of kink than a well thought out life choice. Of the people that blog it's over 95% women who bring the idea to their man. And there is usually more complaining about too little spanking rather than too much.

      Delete
  26. Anonymous1:49 PM

    Tara is right. BDSM is accepted but the idea of it being true discipline is hard to swallow and perhaps it should be, so maybe we should give the naysayers some grace because their reaction is as least proof that as a culture we have evolved to the point where violence against women isn't tolerated. Years ago that wasn't true. It was overlooked, under-reported, and not necessarily illegal. Perhaps those of us who practice DD in any kind of form should actively do something to show support for the true victims of domestic abuse. Just an idea.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with this. I always worry that some abuser will use something we say to justify his abuse. And I worry about young women trying this and not always being able to see when it crosses the line. It's a concern.

      Delete
  27. What the hell is ‘normal‘ anyway and who of us in this world has the right to define that. Bloody well said pk I applaud you. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kiwi,
      No one knows - but there are tons who think we can.

      Delete
  28. i know i commented before but i wanted to write and say i came back to re-read the rant. it's just brilliant. i wish everyone could read it. thanks pk.
    hugs,
    m.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I have been lurking about for several years...
    I post once in a long while...
    This maybe one of the finest I have ever read... anywhere... on the topic of ignorance and exclusion.
    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Houston,
      Thank you so much. I never thought as a middle aged, happily married, little old school teacher that I'd be in the closet about anything. It's a real help to be able to be myself here.

      Delete