Where do we go from here?

For those of us who have guys that spank sporadically, at best, I think you’ll understand my question here.

Why do I keep pushing the whole spanking thing,
why can’t I let it go and be happy when it crops up?

I promise this is not a whiny ‘he won’t spank me enough’ post. Yes I know, I write them occasionally, but this isn’t that kind of post. However, I do ask myself that question often and I feel fairly sure Nick asks himself the same thing about me.

So I’ve been thinking about why – why am I obsessed with the subject? I ran though the obvious reasons that we talk about here often. Spanking is a strong, long held desire/need that’s been with me since childhood. It can be suppressed, it was for nearly 50 years, but now that it’s out I know for a fact it will not be going away any time soon. Spanking makes me feel loved, cared for, thought about, valued, listened to, protected and sexy. You know I should be able to stop right there, that all seems like enough.

But wait! There’s more… spanking is something Nick and I have in common, something we both enjoy, something that we can both talk about and do together. Sometimes I feel that’s about all we do together. For the first 23 years of our marriage, as I’ve said before, we were like pleasant roommates. We liked one another; we wanted the other to be happy. But we pretty much went our own ways. I feel like we revert back to this when spanking isn’t really active in our marriage. We really do love each other, but we don’t have a lot in common. He plays golf; I’m not interested in the least. He enjoys photography; I like it too, but not enough to get up before 5 AM to get that great shot. We like different TV shows, although we watch a few shows together. We have different tastes in books also so we rarely discuss what we’re reading. Admittedly my favorite pursuits are pretty solitary themselves. I like to read, I like to write, and I like to blog and talk to my friends out here.

It was different (and wonderful) when I first come out to him. What a jolt for both of us. Nick was anxious to read everything I wrote, he read my friends blogs, he even commented some, he became friends with my spanko/blogger friends. We all got so close we visited in real life – we flew 3,000 miles to visit with these wonderful people, and we’ve hosted them in our home. He wrote several spanking stories for me. He would tease me about what I’d be getting spanked for, we would point out pervertables to one another wherever we went. We talked! We talked all the time. Spanking, the idea of him giving rules, being the boss, being dominant, was like a delicious secret the two of us shared. I felt so opened and close to him. I miss those feelings.

I understand about a honeymoon period – nothing holds the excitement of being fresh and new forever. It wasn’t only Nick’s interest that faded, many of the bloggers from back then either stopped blogging or lost interest in spanking for various reasons. I feel that Nick and probably some of my good friends would say, if they could find a polite way, ‘Move on! Spanking is fine, fun to do on occasion, to read or write about some times, but get over it!’

So I’m looking for some suggestion here folks, we’re about to have an empty nest. What do couples with different interest and hobbies do with one another? I can’t think of anything that going to push this from my mind – kids are grown and I’m far enough in my career that when I give it much thought I just become frustrated. While I'll admit to being lazy in many ways, my mind is always active, I am always thinking, day dreaming, mind-blogging, whatever you want to call it. Shoot, I've been mentally writing spanking stories since I was eleven – so if I try to ignore spanking ideas what do I think about all day? My most enjoyable activity these days is writing – but you know what I like to write about. I’m at a loss. The good news is that I’m not mad or sad or even frustrated, just confused about where to go from here.

One last thing - it sounds like Nick and I are sitting here staring into space, ignoring one another. We're not! We have a good time, we're going on vacation this weekend. We laugh and smile and talk but I just miss that deep connection we had when all this started and I'd like to get it back.