I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Where do we go from here?

For those of us who have guys that spank sporadically, at best, I think you’ll understand my question here.

Why do I keep pushing the whole spanking thing,
why can’t I let it go and be happy when it crops up?

I promise this is not a whiny ‘he won’t spank me enough’ post. Yes I know, I write them occasionally, but this isn’t that kind of post. However, I do ask myself that question often and I feel fairly sure Nick asks himself the same thing about me.

So I’ve been thinking about why – why am I obsessed with the subject? I ran though the obvious reasons that we talk about here often. Spanking is a strong, long held desire/need that’s been with me since childhood. It can be suppressed, it was for nearly 50 years, but now that it’s out I know for a fact it will not be going away any time soon. Spanking makes me feel loved, cared for, thought about, valued, listened to, protected and sexy. You know I should be able to stop right there, that all seems like enough.

But wait! There’s more… spanking is something Nick and I have in common, something we both enjoy, something that we can both talk about and do together. Sometimes I feel that’s about all we do together. For the first 23 years of our marriage, as I’ve said before, we were like pleasant roommates. We liked one another; we wanted the other to be happy. But we pretty much went our own ways. I feel like we revert back to this when spanking isn’t really active in our marriage. We really do love each other, but we don’t have a lot in common. He plays golf; I’m not interested in the least. He enjoys photography; I like it too, but not enough to get up before 5 AM to get that great shot. We like different TV shows, although we watch a few shows together. We have different tastes in books also so we rarely discuss what we’re reading. Admittedly my favorite pursuits are pretty solitary themselves. I like to read, I like to write, and I like to blog and talk to my friends out here.

It was different (and wonderful) when I first come out to him. What a jolt for both of us. Nick was anxious to read everything I wrote, he read my friends blogs, he even commented some, he became friends with my spanko/blogger friends. We all got so close we visited in real life – we flew 3,000 miles to visit with these wonderful people, and we’ve hosted them in our home. He wrote several spanking stories for me. He would tease me about what I’d be getting spanked for, we would point out pervertables to one another wherever we went. We talked! We talked all the time. Spanking, the idea of him giving rules, being the boss, being dominant, was like a delicious secret the two of us shared. I felt so opened and close to him. I miss those feelings.

I understand about a honeymoon period – nothing holds the excitement of being fresh and new forever. It wasn’t only Nick’s interest that faded, many of the bloggers from back then either stopped blogging or lost interest in spanking for various reasons. I feel that Nick and probably some of my good friends would say, if they could find a polite way, ‘Move on! Spanking is fine, fun to do on occasion, to read or write about some times, but get over it!’

So I’m looking for some suggestion here folks, we’re about to have an empty nest. What do couples with different interest and hobbies do with one another? I can’t think of anything that going to push this from my mind – kids are grown and I’m far enough in my career that when I give it much thought I just become frustrated. While I'll admit to being lazy in many ways, my mind is always active, I am always thinking, day dreaming, mind-blogging, whatever you want to call it. Shoot, I've been mentally writing spanking stories since I was eleven – so if I try to ignore spanking ideas what do I think about all day? My most enjoyable activity these days is writing – but you know what I like to write about. I’m at a loss. The good news is that I’m not mad or sad or even frustrated, just confused about where to go from here.

One last thing - it sounds like Nick and I are sitting here staring into space, ignoring one another. We're not! We have a good time, we're going on vacation this weekend. We laugh and smile and talk but I just miss that deep connection we had when all this started and I'd like to get it back.

12 comments:

  1. PK, seems to me life is good for you at the moment.
    You're comfortable with each other, you are going on vacation together.
    When the house is empty, you'll have more private moments.
    Don't sweat it, it will happen.
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

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  2. Hi PK,
    I hear ya about a lot of bloggers being gone. It seems like there aren't many of us left after many years of blogging. I can totally relate to your post in so many ways. I was just talking about "empty nest" with Anakin the other night. Our kids are growing up and we will eventually get our house back and can't imagine what that will be like.

    It's very hard for us to find time for spanking right now. We cherish our overnights right now and they are rare. I too miss all the spanking and play we used to do early in our relationship.

    Going on vacation together is a wonderful thing though! I'd give just about anything right now to go away for a trip with Anakin but that won't be in the cards for a while now.
    Hugs,
    padme

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  3. The empty nest definitely provides more opportunity, but getting Nick motivated will probably have to come with time and all the temptation you can provide. As to the question of why we can't just let it go..... It's part of who I am and as necessary to me as love, sex or a good cry - and they often go together!

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  4. A vacation alone with your husband...just the two of you! I'm a lot jealous. Pack your implements and have fun! Ask for a spanking EVERY night. If he says no, tell him somebody's gonna get spanked and if it isn't you...

    Life is changing, dear. You will have your husband full time soon, so don't give up now! You may find he's an afternoon delight kind of guy.

    Hugs,
    Rogue

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  5. I think that whatever we do in a relationship, no matter how old or new the relationship is, everything takes work and communication all the time. Its a new phase you are both facing - empty nest and all of that (a long way off for me)so its going to take time to adjust but i think once you both do you may just be pleasently surprised :) enjoy your vacation - but hurry back coz you will be missed :) love and hugs xxx

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  6. Paul,
    I hope you're right. I try to relax but I worry.

    Padme,
    It's not exactly like the old days. It's like we still live in a lovely community with nice people it's just different people.

    Our nest will be empty in August. She won't be all that far but not here on a daily basis. I'll keep everyone informed.

    Meow,
    I think you do have the answer to my question. Motivation will be a problem. The house is usually pretty quiet when Mollie's gone.

    Rogue,
    Not exactly - it's a family vacation. Nick and me, LJ and Collin and Mollie and a friend. (check my post tomorrow) but it will be wonderful.

    I promise not to give up - but I can't promise not to worry.

    KG,
    It is a new phase for us. And it will be good - just can't picture exactly how it will be.

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  7. Good luck on getting that deep connection back and have a wonderful vacation.

    FD

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  8. Oh, hon - I wish I had the answer for you - I'd have it for me then too! It's been 2 and a half months for me. In fact there have only been 5 spankings in the last year. But I've still found myself dropping occasional not-exactly-subtle hints over the last month or so, each of which has been met with a little chuckle and nothing else. I really, really wish I could turn it off entirely, because like you, I can't seem to just be content with what I get.

    Hugs,
    Tracy

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  9. Hang in there PK. I don't have any advice for you, just wanted you to know I care and that I'm rooting for you. And I need MORE stories...the hot, steamy, sexy, spanking kind...yum!

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  10. No advise my friend but don't fret about it. It's a totally new phase for you both. I know I've said it before but communication, communication.

    Enjoy your holiday with the family, I can't wait to hear all about it.

    Love and hugs,
    Ronnie
    xx

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  11. I like Rogue's idea. Maybe request a week of spanking to refresh the habit?

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  12. Thinking of you and feeling your words...for now, just have a wonderful vacation with your family and enjoy any alone time you have...

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