Sunday, February 13, 2011

When children discover your "secret"

If any of you have had this problem I would love to hear how you handled it.

I read with horror and just a little amusement about the problems Grace and Bossman had the other day. You need to go here and read it but the upshot was that their son over heard them in an, hmmm… intimate moment. Now we all know how children feel about their parents and sex – it doesn’t happen. I mean now as a grow woman thinking back about my own parents I have finally realized that they did have sex twice because I have an older sister. But that’s it. Having anything distort this belief for a child can be traumatic, at least for the moment.

Sex is natural and as children grow older they have to accept that it’s going to happen – even to parents; that’s just the way biology is. But how do you go about explaining that daddy turns mama over his knee and spanks her bottom and that she likes it and thinks it’s sexy? Lets quickly come to a screeching halt – you can’t explain that one! But at one time that was my dilemma.

The very first time we dabbled in spanking was long before I started the blog. I’d never really heard of blogs and it was with great fear that I typed ‘spanking’ into google. This was about 2003. I found a few pictures but I didn’t look deeply enough to find anyone to talk to. I did, however, sent Nick and email – nearly blew his mind for his semi-frigid wife to suggest anything sexual not to mention something like this. I was why too embarrassed to talk (still am mostly) so we began exchanging emails. There was nothing graphic, mostly silly, flirting things. We spoke of naughty wives needing there bottom spanked and similar topics along with more mundane things like when we would be alone for the afternoon. Nothing horrible I thought… until I got the note from Mollie.

It was short, “I read your email and I know about ‘Lizzy’” (the name I used to sign our little love notes). At that time Mollie was only 10 and I was horrified that she had seen this. My mind was swirling – which ones had she read – did she really understand what they were saying – and most importantly, what was I going to day to her?? Unlike poor Grace, I did have the luxury of time. Mollie had left a note. I thought about it for 24 hours becoming somewhat calmer as I did. Finally I decided to leave her a note. It was also short and to the point.

1. My email is private and you will never read it again.

2. You father and I love each other. You never have to worry about us divorcing or being unfaithful to one another. We’ll be here together for the rest of our lives.

3. If you have any questions or would like to discuss anything you read I’ll be happy to. Just come ask me after you have been happily married for 20 years or more and we’ll discuss it as much as you like.

I left the note where she would find it and the following day I got one last note from her. It read “I'm sorry I read your email. I understand.” That’s it and it’s never come up since. Now Mollie didn’t just accidently overhear something she went snooping and I firmly believe – and have told the children as they grew older ‘If you go snooping into things that are none of your business you deserve whatever trauma you get.’ She doesn’t seem ‘damage’ and sometimes I don’t even think she remembers – and I ain’t asking!

Children do survive growing up and realizing at some point that their parents were young one, dated, probably had pre-marital sex, continued to have sex throughout their married life and maybe, just maybe they had an interesting kink or two. Except for my parent – they had sex twice and I’m sure the lights were off.

Written by PK at 2:00 AM

10 comments

10 Comments:

At 7:13 AM, Blogger Paul said...

PK, yep, growing up can be traumatic.
Sex wasn't a problem, I grew up in a largely farming community.
Sex was all around, I remember a certain fourteen year old redhead, before you get any ideas, I was only twelve.
My school taught much that would be useful for youngsters growing up on farms.
Sex wasn't a mystery, it was a part of life.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.

 
At 7:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My parents never had sex PK. My brother and I were left by the stork. =-)
Yaya

 
At 7:41 AM, Blogger Hermione said...

Well, in many countries everyone sleeps together in the same room, and sex keeps on happening. The children accept it as part of life. Grace's son probably knew about sex, and it was just a matter of time before he overheard his parents. He had probably done so before, but didn't understand or didn't say anything.

Mollie should not have been reading your personal email, but I hope that now you keep it password-protected, without an automatic logon that bypasses the password.

Hugs,
Hermione

 
At 10:30 AM, Blogger ronnie said...

I'm sure son must have overheard us but has never said anything.

Mollie certainly shouldn't have been snooping into your emails. I think you handled it well.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

 
At 11:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

PK,
When my children were little I would have died if they had found out. Now they are grown and know a little. They think it's sick but they say so while laughing at us.

You handled it well. Too many people apologize to there there children when it is the children who have made the mistake.

Tammy

 
At 5:47 PM, Blogger Annie's Woodshed said...

LOL I had to chuckle reading your blog. We have three sons all in the early to mid 20s. Whenever something comes up about mine and hubby's sex life one will leave the room the another one will put his hands over his ears and start singing. The oldest however, rolls his eyes and looks at the other two and says "YOUR parents."

 
At 8:23 PM, Blogger PK said...

Paul,
Not many farm animals to see around here but then again every television show is extremely sexual today. Not as natural but still sexual.

Yaya,
Now you're talking. That must have been how it happened.

Hermione,
You better believe it's protected now although I don't think Mollie would ever look again. She leave her journal around and I would never look at it. I think we are both good at respecting privacy these days.

Thanks Ronnie,
I think she learned her lesson well. If LJ ever heard anything he never said a word.

Tammy,
We all survived but it was still embarrassing!

Annie,
LOL! Kids are so funny. When we kiss now in front of Mollie anywhere in the house she says 'Get a room' to which I reply 'We got one, you're in it, get out.'

 
At 3:22 PM, Blogger Strong Man said...

I'd rather have children know about our intimacy than to see us fight or criticize each other.

We should be every bit as embarrassed about criticizing or fighting with each other in front of our kids as we do about being intimate.

Better them learn about healthy, real-life intimacy among committed adults than the gross lies that are perpetuated on TV, movies, and internet.

Hermoine hit it on the head.

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger grace said...

Well, I like your take on things and sadly....he heard us again!

OMG!

Ok, I'll go write about it.

HUGS!

 
At 9:01 AM, Blogger Blondie said...

We had to be very careful about that. My wife is super sensitive to it. We found the time somehow. It's when they get to teens that it can be a problem. Fortunately they went out a bit, so we had our times. I would be highly embarrassed if it was discovered. It is one thing for them to discover you have sex. Quite another to know that there is spanking going on. We don't do punishment but it can still be quite loud sometimes.

Now my oldest is married and the other is at Uni there are no restrictions whatsoever. We do it more than ever now, even in the living room. It can be absolute heaven knowing that nobody is going to hear anything.

 

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