I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Fingers crossed!

Things have been interesting at our house this week. I don’t want to get too excited but I things have the potential for some positive changes. I’ve been struggling with mild depression for a while and it seemed to hit big time on Saturday. My self-talk was as bad as it gets that day. I was surprised when Nick came into the living room that evening with his belt and the cane. It was near the end of January and I hadn’t made the goal we had set for weight loss. For the last couple of weeks I had really said “Screw the weight loss, I don’t care.” Can you see I really wasn’t into it?

When I saw Nick was planning to spank me I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted, I wasn’t even sure if it was what I needed. Evidently it was. He did use both the belt and the cane – I hate the cane. He talked some but I wasn’t ready to say much. I mostly just nodded. But by the next day I was feeling better, feeling hopeful. I have to think that the spanking was a big part of it.

I had the urge to email Nick the next day (it’s still the easiest way for me to communicate). I tried to hold back and not write the poor man a book but I kinda did. I figured, what did I have to lose? I asked him to give me a few rules each week – 3 to 5. Rules help me. I’m not submissive and he doesn’t want the job as a dom but I think he would fit well into the role of hard ass coach. Works for me! I told him when he tells me ‘You should cut back on snack.’ I just feel annoyed. Of course I should cut back on snacks, I mean, duh! But I don’t. When Nick says – ‘no snack for the next two day’, it seems to free me. I can say “I really do want a snack but Nick said no.” That ends the struggle for me. That seems counterintuitive to Nick but he’s beginning to see that it works for me and it’s want I need.

There have been some interesting emails flying back and forth these last few days. I feel hopeful but I’m content to take things slowly. I almost feel like we’re starting over and reworking how all this will work best for us. I really do want to jump start the weight loss as of this week so I asked Nick if he would be willing to join me in a bet. I say I can lose a pound this week (I’ve been creeping up or staying the same lately). So our bet is, if I lose a pound or more I get a half hour of massages, good girl paddling, playing with the vibrator or anything else I want! If I lose less than a pound – Nick is the one winning a half hour of full pampering!! And believe it or not Nick took the bet. I think you call this a win-win situation.


  1. Sounds promising, I love the bet. I'm keeping everything crossed for you.


  2. Looks like maybe you have a found a way to make TTWD "your" way! A way that works for both of you.
    Good Luck! HUGs.

  3. I sense positive things! My Goddess also helps me keep depression at bay :-)

  4. PK, sounds good, lots of people say a spanking can cure depression.
    I'll keep my fingers crossred for you.
    Love and warm hugs,

  5. Like you, SugarAnne always feels much better the next day. It's definitely easier to provide "help" with depression and hormones than the punishment stuff that comes with Dd.

    A couple of rules here and there - hopefully that will be a reworking of your dynamic.

    Good luck on the win-win bet.

  6. PK: I love your post. Sounds like some positive changes may be coming in your life. Want to wish you two the best in making it happen. The bet was a good first step. Good luck. And let's hope he makes you cut down on those snacks.


  7. Ronnie,
    It sure has lifted the depression.

    It takes some work to make it your own. There are just so many ways to do ttwd and you have to work to make it fit. We'll see if this is our way.

    I wish our 'kink' was acceptable enough to be seriously studied. I don't know why it works for some of us, but I know it does.

    I do know it works for me - IF I don't get too far down into it. But then again they used to use shock therapy.

    It's hard as a woman to let our men know how much spanking can help especially if we don't really want one.

    And I KNOW I'm winning this bet!

    I really am hopeful. I know we both want this to work but it seem so easy to start off well then gradually let it slip sending me right back into the blues. That's why I'm hoping a few new ruled each week will keep us focused.

  8. Sounds promising. Good job making communication a priority.

  9. Thanks Stormy,
    Seems like I go back and forth on communication a lot. It's great but we still let it go at times.