Fingers crossed!

Things have been interesting at our house this week. I don’t want to get too excited but I things have the potential for some positive changes. I’ve been struggling with mild depression for a while and it seemed to hit big time on Saturday. My self-talk was as bad as it gets that day. I was surprised when Nick came into the living room that evening with his belt and the cane. It was near the end of January and I hadn’t made the goal we had set for weight loss. For the last couple of weeks I had really said “Screw the weight loss, I don’t care.” Can you see I really wasn’t into it?

When I saw Nick was planning to spank me I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted, I wasn’t even sure if it was what I needed. Evidently it was. He did use both the belt and the cane – I hate the cane. He talked some but I wasn’t ready to say much. I mostly just nodded. But by the next day I was feeling better, feeling hopeful. I have to think that the spanking was a big part of it.

I had the urge to email Nick the next day (it’s still the easiest way for me to communicate). I tried to hold back and not write the poor man a book but I kinda did. I figured, what did I have to lose? I asked him to give me a few rules each week – 3 to 5. Rules help me. I’m not submissive and he doesn’t want the job as a dom but I think he would fit well into the role of hard ass coach. Works for me! I told him when he tells me ‘You should cut back on snack.’ I just feel annoyed. Of course I should cut back on snacks, I mean, duh! But I don’t. When Nick says – ‘no snack for the next two day’, it seems to free me. I can say “I really do want a snack but Nick said no.” That ends the struggle for me. That seems counterintuitive to Nick but he’s beginning to see that it works for me and it’s want I need.

There have been some interesting emails flying back and forth these last few days. I feel hopeful but I’m content to take things slowly. I almost feel like we’re starting over and reworking how all this will work best for us. I really do want to jump start the weight loss as of this week so I asked Nick if he would be willing to join me in a bet. I say I can lose a pound this week (I’ve been creeping up or staying the same lately). So our bet is, if I lose a pound or more I get a half hour of massages, good girl paddling, playing with the vibrator or anything else I want! If I lose less than a pound – Nick is the one winning a half hour of full pampering!! And believe it or not Nick took the bet. I think you call this a win-win situation.