I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

You must be 18 to view this site.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I think we're on the right track!

In this first part I'm just rambling in my head again. If you are wanting to get to a little action you can go down and find this **

I guess that DD can be viewed two ways – as the real thing or as a game that can be played with varying degrees of seriousness. I know I started out thinking I wanted the real thing. Actually I didn’t realize that there was another way to do it until I came out and started exploring here. We’ve gone back and forth with it over the years, with each of us taking it more seriously at one time or another. But never, it seemed, at the same time. I was the one wanting reality in our situation but never really felt it. I mean I was the one who introduced it, explained the rules and always in the back of my mind knew I could call a halt to the whole thing. But then again I feel that’s true for any woman in a DD relationship with a reasonable man who loves her. After all DD is a decision reached by a couple and consent is an essential element. This doesn’t take away from the whole concept but it’s something to think about.

Several of us have experienced in the past, or are experiencing now a situation where the men chose to step away. That has to be one of the most painful things a spanko can experience. I’m not talking about Nick now. I may go through times of feeling there is not nearly the attention to spanking that I want but he has never said ‘No, I’m not going to do this’ since the first time I brought it up. There have been times I felt he didn’t care about any of this. But each time I confronted him about my feelings he has stepped up and tried to give me what I needed. But I do want to say to the men who have stepped away in case you are reading here – please reconsider. It was so hard for us to ask in the first place, so many of us waited years, decades even, to find the courage to ask. Believe me we had to step out of our comfort zone to ask for this; please reconsidered stepping out of yours and giving the woman you love what she so desperately needs. (Okay preaching over, but I had to say it one more time.)

Many times that I felt I wanted Nick to take a stand on thing – there was just nothing there that he cared enough about to make rules and to be consistent with these rules. He doesn’t like me to leave shoes and socks in the living room or leave my laundry unfolded (after he’s washed it) or a million other little things. But none of these matter that much to him. Sometimes he will spank me for neglecting them but not with consistency. They annoy him but not enough to really bother him. I sometimes try to do better but I often forget because these little things don’t bother me that much either.

But I think we have found one thing Nick does care about and has consistently since we started this. The one thing that Nick does care about is a healthy wife. He doesn’t much care that I’m not a great house keeper or that I can’t cook or that I waste too much time on the computer. But he does care that my weight is creeping back up to where my knees always hurt, that I don’t have the energy that I did, that I have high blood pressure and that could begin flirting with type two diabetes or a wealth of other problems that come with being overweight.

** (might not be real exciting for you but it was good for me)

We only have two rules now. One, I have to write down my weight every Friday morning and two, I have to do a little more around the house – one specific and one fairly vague. I have written my weight down but that’s about all I’ve done about the weight. As for the house, let’s say sporadic at best. I told Nick that the week I tried away from mindblogging and writing just put me into such a down mood I didn’t feel like working on either one. I explained this in a total vanilla way. I assumed he would take it that way. Instead he very calmly explained to me that my being out of the mood to do DD that week didn’t mean he was. And suddenly, after a fairly respectable warm up, he came after me with the damn bath brush. NOT what I was expecting at all. After all I wasn’t completely in the mood for a spanking and he didn’t seem to care one bit. It was everything that I needed. That was last week.

Then this week the news from the scale wasn’t any better. At least I can it down – much better than telling him face to face. Later in the day I received the following email from Nick:

Not much exercise this week. Numbers are not good. You must really love the bath brush and cane! You might wish to consider some form of exercise today and tomorrow.

I considered it. I went to the gym after school on Friday and I went walking Saturday morning. Nick was wrong – I hate the bath brush and the cane! He must have worried Saturday about me staying in position because when he called me back to the bedroom he had the cuffs out. Mostly it was a pretty good spanking – until he began asking me what I planned to do differently this week as far as the healthy weight program went. Geeze! The cane was more than enough to get the idea across that I needed to work this week. The bath brush on top of it, let’s just say I think I got the point! Nothing can get me kicking like that awful brush.

I feel like we are making significant progress on the spanking front. We have to keep experimenting and doing what work for us. We won’t have the DD marriage that works so well for some out here. We won’t have one just like I used to day dream about. We will have one that is costumed made for the two of us. Some of my ideas, some of Nick’s, maybe some we read about and want to try. I think now I’m finally realizing we won’t ever reach a point and say ‘Here we are, we finally got it right’ but I think we’ll keep working on it and enjoying the journey.


  1. PK: That was a great post. As if often said, life is a journey, not a destination. And it is so exciting that you are now found a way for both of you to enjoy the journey. Congrats and hope you have many good spanking times in the future.


  2. It's good to be able to settle into not settling in. I'm finding, like you, that Dd is fluid mostly and static rarely.

    Nice post.

  3. PK. the best part of life is that it is a journey of discovery.
    At the moment you two are putting your best foot forward.
    I can only say great.
    Love and warm hugs,

  4. PK..great post...all of it! DD is only right when it is right for the 2 people involved. Thankfully there is no one right way for a DD, spanking or BDSM relationship.
    I also very much think you are on the right track. Remember this is real life..it ebbs and flows.
    Hugs, abby

  5. FD,
    I hope we can keep talking and and traveling on this journey. I know how lucky I am that he's trying!

    Thanks. It's good to have you men commenting. I like reading about your journey too.

    He's the only man I know that can get me out of my head enough to enjoy real life.

    Thanks Abby,
    I know you and I share the weigh loss challenge. Here's hoping both our men can help us.

  6. PK, it sounds like you are on the right track keep going and keep talking.


  7. PK,
    Your last two posts have made me wonder. How many of the blogs we read where life is perfect in DD world are really true. Or perhaps it is just what we want to portray to our readers.

    I wonder when people read my blog if they believe that Wil and I have a "perfect" DD relationship. I hope that I don't portray us that way. Because just like you we have almost the exact same struggles. You are just honest enough to write about them.

    Our consistency issues are so similar as well as when I am really needing DD he seems to not need it and when I plain don't care about it that seems to be when he kicks it into high gear.

    It's not perfect but its what we have. I need to learn to be content with what I have and what we have found because of it. It may never be perfect or the relationship I dream of but it is soooooooooooo much better then where we were before TTWD.

    Thanks for your honesty,