Sunday, June 14, 2009
Road trip and some advice
I plan on being on the road to see Eva by the time most of you are reading this. This will be a very special trip. It’s always special to see Eva and Adam. Eva’s cooking… well a cooking contest between Eva and my MIL would be something to witness and I want to be one of the judges!!
But this trip is even more special! We get to meet the grandbaby!! We get to see her and hold her and play with her. I hope her mom isn’t planning to get any time with her this week – this baby is all booked up between Eva, Mollie and me.
And as icing on the cake is the lunch we have planned where we are getting to meet KayLynn. I only know her through her fantastic Fantasy Friday stories and our emails so I am really excited about a face to face meeting. I'll be posting about it next week!
But I also had something I wanted to post today. A have recently reconnected with a friend who writes the blog Cultivated Discipline. At this point in her life she is anxious to explore her spanko side but hasn’t found the man she is looking for. We have talk some and she has shared with me, as she has on her site, that some guys she has talked with on spanko and D/s web sites are not, in real life, the way they portray themselves to her in conversations.
As we talked about it in an email this was what I told her about looking for someone to care about and bring into your life. She said I could share the email here. I think it’s really pretty good advice for anyone out there looking for a relationship.
I think you need to quit looking specifically for a spanko and instead look for a man who is kind, stable, and makes you laugh and feel safe. Spankos are wonderful! But don’t limit yourself to dom/sub sites or chat rooms. Although there are many wonderful men on these sites (several of my friends have met in this way and are happily married to each other now) but you really do run a greater risk of finding nuts who only want to dominate. These men don’t really want to be an HOH – a guide – a protector, they are essentially bullies.
So just look for a nice guy. When you begin to grow close tell him you have a secret that is important to you but that you don’t share this with just anyone. Then tell him what you need, want, desire. If he is a true vanilla begin by telling him it is a real turn on. If you feel he is receptive to this idea you can explain more (maybe a little at a time). Explain that you want someone who will step up and be the leader in a family and that the idea of discipline makes you feel safe and loved.
This is really what many of us have had to do. In my situation Nick hasn’t come around to the dd concept – there isn’t much discipline but it’s a fantastic partnership. If Nick said tomorrow that he was through – no more spanking I would be hurt and sorely disappointed, but the marriage would continue. It boils down to this – I would rather be with the right man and not have this need met that to be with the wrong man who spanks. And this comes from a lifelong, hard wired spanko.