I really want to blog about last Thursday but I am still not sure how to explain it all. That is why I blog, however, so I can understand things myself. The day was normal enough. I was at work when I got an email from Nick. It was short and to the point he wanted to know why I hadn’t been writing my assignments lately. Oops! Well I wasn’t too worried.
Mollie was baby-sitting and I headed to the gym for a while. When I walked in Nick gave me a hug and took my shirt off in one motion. We took a quick shower together and headed to the bedroom. I did not suspect anything was up, everything started off the same as usual. Nick had handed me the blindfold and I had snuggled down on the bed. He started a nice warm up. I have no idea what he used; the events that followed kinda clouded my memory for details.
But then he started talking and he was asking me about my assignments and why I hadn’t written one lately. I just laughed it off a bit and told him I would try to do better. Then he started asking about my laundry which he had folded for me but I had put the basket in LJ’s room and sort of forgot about it instead of putting it away. I probably said something like ‘sorry I forgot’. I mean it’s not like we do any discipline at the most he brings a few things like this up for mock discipline because he know that is what I want. Discipline is just not his thing.
But the conversation seemed to be taking another turn. He said “It seems to me that you are the one not taking any of this seriously. You’ve said you didn’t want this to be just a game but that seems to be the way you are taking it. Is it all just a joke to you or do you seriously want this?” To be honest my heart sank because I had the fleeting feeling that this was his way of saying he was through and that he was stopping and type of real spanking. I have always felt he view it all as a game but he was nice enough to continue the charade to please me. I hadn’t acknowledged that I was just as guilty of acting like it was a game.
I really didn’t know what to say. Thankfully he didn’t seem to need any comment from me. He continued “You have said you wanted discipline; that you wanted to change some things. Maybe I have let you down by not really following through. Let’s see if I can correct that.”
We were rapidly moving into new territory for us. He was not mad but he was also not teasing in the least. He was as serious and he gets. He had me get up off the bed and told me to lean over and put my hand on the bed. Not one of my favorite positions. It is not warm and comfortable and even if things get intense it is a hard position to reach back and try to protect your bottom.
He said “I do my reading. You girls are always saying that spankings are suppose to hurt. You say that during a spanking there comes a point when you finally ‘get it’. Let’s see if that’s true.” Then he used the OCW (pictured so nicely in my masthead thanks to CeeCi) and I can tell you I got the hardest spanking of my life. He even stopped and had me move toward the head of the bed more so that he could get a full swing.
It hurt like hell! I mean there was nothing fun about it at all! I just wanted him to stop! I have no idea how many I got all I know is that I was burning for sure and didn’t know how much more I could take. I was clinching and trying to hold position. I think I was saying something like “I’ll do better. I promise!” He finally stopped and asked me a question that I think he was very serious about.
“Did you deserve that?”
A lot of things went through my mind at that moment. Mostly the disrespectful way I have treated Nick over the last year or so. Disrespect is not exactly the right word, because I do respect him enormously, and I love him dearly but I have taken advantage of him and his extremely good nature.
Nick has taken on so much responsibility at home. He does the lions share of the cooking, cleaning, laundry and chauffeuring Mollie around; he gets the groceries, pays all the bills and any of the other day to day things that must done. What are my responsibilities? I am supposed to go to the gym at least 4 days a week. I am supposed to write him my assignment once a week and he asks that I put away my laundry after he had washed and folded it. And I often blow it off maybe as some form of baiting him thinking that he wouldn’t really do anything about it.
Did I deserve it?
I think we all know the answer to that. And I told Nick “Yes, I deserved it.”
But oh, man I was burning. He said “I don’t think that is quite enough, how many more you think it would take for you to remember?”
More? More! I didn’t need anymore! But I was scared of the number he might come up with. I asked for 5 more, trust me, it sounded like a LOT at the time! I got those 5 and they were hard, hard, hard! Nick ran his hand over my bottom and casually said “I think there is going to be some bruising.” Is this the same man I had to beg to please spank me and put some muscle in it?? We have come a long way.
The ago old question in spankdom is “How can spanking be use for discipline if the spankee likes to be spanked?” I now have the answer – do it like that! That spanking hurt; there was nothing fun about it, there was nothing sexy about it. It hurt like hell and I do not, repeat DO NOT want another one like that. And I am totally grateful to Nick for spanking me that hard. It let me know that he takes me and TTWD as something more that a fun sex game. He cares enough for me to make me do a few things that he views as important.
Have I done my assignment and put away my laundry since then? You better believe it! I am planning on keep it up. And there are two main reasons why. One is, as I said I do not want another spanking like that but the other reason is even more compelling. I do not want to let Nick down. He was good enough to listen to me and hear what I needed. He cared enough about me to follow through. I don’t think he enjoyed giving that spanking anymore than I enjoyed getting it but it defined something for me. I can’t ever see Nick barking orders at me. He has no desire to make me jump through hoops and give rules just to see if I would ‘mind’ him. But now I feel like when he says “PK, I want you to do ______.” I am going to listen. Not because I am scared of getting spanked for not listening but because I care about what he wants and I want Nick to know that.
Nick gave me some good after care with our lotion. I always wondered about sex right after discipline (and it did seem like discipline and not punishment). But I love the feeling that everything had been dealt with and we reconnected beautifully. It was quite an afternoon. Afterwards we were laying there cuddling and he asked me how I was feeling. I said “My butt’s sore. I wonder what causes that.”
He said “That’s caused by not reporting to me. As crazy as thing are in the world these days you need to let me know what you are thinking.” I think I have a pretty special man who, with all my shortcomings, seems most concerned that I continue to let him know the things that are on my mind each week. I think I’m in love.