Wandering thoughts

This may be a long ramble. If you don’t have time come back later or just skip today. None of this is earth shattering but it has been rolling around in my head so I’m putting writing. I do a lot of thinking as poor Nick knows. Some time he is horrified, amused, pleased or bewildered depending on what I am thinking.

I have been fantasying about spanking for at least 40 years. Most of my fantasies were about a true DD relationship. I think that is why I became so infatuated with Cassie and Tom. I see in there relationship so much of what I fantasized about – a man who adores his wife and regularly spanks her for both fun and for discipline. I still love reading every word she writes but I am at a point in my life where I also realize that that kind of life would probably drive me absolute nut!

As much as that still speaks to my long held fantasy and I get thrill chills whenever I read a good a discipline story, it is just never going to be Nick and me. And that’s okay. I spent a long time when we first began wondering when Nick was gone to start with discipline, punishing when necessary, making me tow the line. But I am finally realizing that that is not going to happen.

The main reason for this is that I don’t do anything to be punished for. Now as the laughter dies I will explain myself. I am positive that I bug Nick daily but honestly nothing big. I have never screamed or yelled at him, told him to F off or generally turned into a bitch. When I get mad or hurt I turn inward and get quiet. We agree on most things – the kids, money, you know – the big things. And the little stuff, well that is the way he sees it, little stuff. If the bathroom needs cleaning then he would be more likely to clean it himself than spank me for not doing it.

It annoys him when I don’t put away my laundry or let my car pile up with junk – trash or things I should bring in and put away. I tend to leave my socks where ever I take them off, I stay up too late, I don’t always take my vitamins, I forget my phone at home and call him to bring it to me, I lose my keys – stop me anytime now. All these things, and probably many more, bug Nick but things like this are just not big deals to him. Sometimes they may come up during a spanking but he is not one to consistently say “You are going to get spanked for this or that”.

I am good with this now. I like the way our lives are going. Before we lived this way if he did fuss about some of my faults I felt angry and defensive. Now I just grin at him and ask “Well what are you going to do about it?” If nothing else I usually get a pretty good threat out of it! And I love the idea of a good threat. This is what I told Nick in my last assignment.

Actually my brain works quite well with threats – well not threats exactly. Like with the weight thing. It would help me if you occasionally emailed me. Nothing is hotter for me than you being in charge! If you emailed “I’m going to spank you because you blew off the gym and snacked too much.” or if you emailed and said “I am not going to spank you because I think you have been working hard and I didn’t see this as a significant gain.” It wouldn’t matter which way you went because I would feel like I can relax and know you decided. This would keep me from wondering ‘is he just going to blow it off… has he forgotten…is he waiting until we have some more time...’ That kind of wondering makes me question everything. By letting me know you thought about it and you are deciding how it is going to be handled – I’m fine!

You know this would work for other things too. You and I both know I am not likely to do anything so bad or drastic that you are going to ‘punish’ me. I don’t think I do a lot to make you mad. I know I do annoy you with a few of my bad habits. But if they do start to bug you, you can send me an email saying what you are going to do about it. Granted you have a 50-50 chance here. Yes, I often like ‘what’s coming to me’ but also after I am spanked for something specific, I am more likely to do better – for a while anyway. This does put a burden on to follow through on what you say you are going to do, but maybe you could think about it? This might work for both of us.

As much as I love spanking anytime I get in the right head space quicker if I feel that there is a ‘reason’ for the spanking even if it is not a terribly serious one.

Anyway all this rambling is really to say that I am enjoying our adventure very much. I am happy with where we are and I am looking forward to continuing our journey and seeing where it takes us. You never know he might decide to make a few rule and hold my feet (or butt) to the fire. I am opened to new ideas and turns and twists. I am really enjoying our life!