I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, October 15, 2006

Pushing

All of you know that I have been whining and griping about what I want. Nick has been reading too. When Mollie decided to go home with a friend Friday afternoon it seemed like a good omen. Nick had sent me a nice email earlier in the day so I was excited about the evening. We went out for a light supper and came home to an empty house. We headed to the bedroom and Nick held out the blind fold. I was happy to put it on but when we laid down together Nick wanted to talk. I think most of us out here feel we write better than we talk. I know I do, so I was a bit at a disadvantage. The conversation wasn’t really what I wanted to hear.

I know what he was saying was true. He talked about the idea of being in charge. While he wasn’t totally opposed he wasn’t completely in favor of it either. He said that it is difficult to change gears after 23 years of being equal partners to suddenly start telling me what to do. He also worried about and wanted to know what would happen when one day he told me to do something and I just didn’t ‘feel like playing’. He is wondering if I am playing head games with him. If I didn’t make it clear at that time the answer is - No, I am not playing head games. I do not view this as a game. I do not want it to be a game. I am not trying to saddle you with the responsibility of another child. I don’t expect you to tell me every move to make. But if you want something from me that you are not getting tell me and I will do it. You mentioned 2 areas that you would like me to work on. I will give it my best effort. Sometimes it will get away from me. Remind me that you expect.

He also talked about something else that bothers him. He has lived the vast majority of his life under the rule he began learning as a small boy – you don’t hit girls. He has no problem with what we are doing, fun, sexy, erotic spanking that we both enjoy so much. He is uncomfortable with going too much farther. Bless his heart he has tried to do everything I have asked of him, he really has. And I do appreciate that he was this honest with me. We finished talking and he gave me what I wanted.

He spanked me hard, harder than he is comfortable with. All I could think of was how much I was topping from the bottom and that I was pushing him. I felt like he was only doing it for me, not us. I was a hard spanking and I learned a lesson, it just wasn’t the lesson I was expecting to learn. I learned if it wasn’t right for both Nick and I, then it wasn’t right - period. So I want to say to Nick – I’m sorry. How about I back off a bit and quit pushing. Let’s have fun and enjoy each other. If you are willing we can have a wonderful fun time with spanking for the joy of it and be thankful for the closeness it has brought us. We can keep looking for toys in a variety of stores; you can sneak a pop to my rear any time you want to. And yes you can feel free to tell me to put down the computer and do something around the house! I may gripe and complain a bit, but I will do it!!

After the spanking we made love and snuggle for a while. Nick got up before I did and covered me with our softest quilt. I don’t know exactly what happened then. Did I just go to sleep? Did I lose consciousness? When I finally ‘came to’ I felt like I had experienced the best sleep of my life. I don’t know if I was in the world or not.

I love my husband. As I think back over the past 6 months I cannot believe the changes in my life. I owe all of this to Nick. His willingness to accept my feeling, my ideas, my friends (we talk about you guys a lot) and to be honest with me when he is uncomfortable makes me a happy women. I spend a lot of my day thinking of him. He keeps a grin on my face enough to really annoy my fellow teacher. I am the most contend I have ever been in my life. I find great joy in blogging and I realize the blogging is what got all this started, but the most important thing is the relationship and how we have grown into a real couple. Blogging got this started but we are the prize.

13 comments:

  1. It sounds like you learned a great deal from that spanking. You two really have grown a great deal, and will continue doing so. Guess it just can't be pushed too hard. It does have to be a mutual thing.

    We've been spanking for 6 years now, and still continue to grow and learn and change. Main thing is enjoying the journey... being happy with what you have, and what the future holds... and not being disappointed that the thing you hold in your mind as the absolute ideal isn't exactly what you have. You already knew that, but maybe that spanking helped reinforce the point. Sounds like it was a valuable spanking.

    :)
    ~Todd & Suzy

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  2. Nick sounds like a wonderful guy and you are very lucky to be one this journey together. Just relax and enjoy the ride, he will do what he feels comfortable in doing and you will grow to accept the love he is giving you.

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  3. I ditto what Brian says... relax and enjoy the ride. Don't rush anything. We've been spanking for 5 years now and as much as we both talk that we're open to the idea of discipline spankings it still hasn't happened. I know that it will one day.. but I can't rush it. In the meantime erotic is good, yes?

    Eva

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  4. Some people thing you can't learn anything from a spanking! I believe you just did. I believe that if Nick every thinks that a dicipline spanking is necessary he will do what he needs to. In the meantime, could he speak to Tom. Discipline seem to be high on his list lately!
    Love,
    Cassie

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  5. I agree with everyone. Things are great for you guys right now, and they can only get better. Things will progress over time.

    Until this blog I felt like Tom...crops are trashy. Now I am dying to feel one, and incorporating them into my stories.

    Of course if I can't have a crop with super glue, I don't want one at all.

    Hugs things will slowly evolve to where they should be for you too.

    You may not ever be Danny and Mayye, but heck I don't have what Danny and Mayye have. And I am not certain I would want it all if I did!

    OK if a man told me I could not work....I'd like it!

    Love ya
    Theresa

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  6. This is where I can totally relate. Totally. I think Bossman and I have had this very conversation.

    Everyone is right. Your on the right track, you and Nick are exactly where you need to be right now.

    HUGS!
    grace

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  7. Go, Grace, go... she just summed it all up perfectly, Elis (and Nick)... neither can do anything they do NOT truly want for themselves to do, regardless of why they might want it. The why's should be left for personal introspection and then perhaps interesting discussion, but each of you needs to decide exactly what you want. Dante can add a great deal to this, and speak more to Nick's feelings on this whole thing, but I tried what you did for way too long, trying to make him something he isn't, to make him react a certain way.

    NOT doing that has never made me happier, or gotten me spanked harder or more often and in more creative ways with better sex... just take a deep breath and let go, sweetie... give it all up to Nick and be grateful for anything end everything he does... your will find your rhythm and there will be nothing else like it in the entire world!

    I love you!

    Hey, how's about catching a plane with Eva and Theresa and meeting Kayley, Spice, Lessa and I in Queensland (why? cause Queensland starts with Q, of course). Lemma know... we'd love for you to join us!

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  8. Dear Elis you're learning and that's good, yes let Nick find his own pace. He will learn to enjoy giving you exactly what you want, believe me he will know.
    Warm hugs,
    Paul.

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  9. Elis,

    You're a wise woman, and becoming more so each day. There is no perfect formula, except in the context of your relationship.

    You have time to try all the things you desire. Just be sure to do it together, heart to heart and hand in hand.

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

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  10. Elis,
    I am glad you realized the sweetness of what you have as a couple and can cherish it together in ways you are both happy with !
    Sincerely,
    Anne Elizabeth

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  11. I hear you all and I thank you for coming by with words of encouragement. I am truly happy and relaxed and looking forward to enjoying the future as it unfolds.

    Nick's comment, to me, made me feel even better. He assured me he is truly committed to all of this and he is also looking forward to the future.

    Hugs to all,
    Elis

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  12. Elis, I am learning so much from you. It looks like together you and Nick are on a nice journey.

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  13. Maggie,
    I am honored and scared by your comment. Please remember we are very new at this and I still have no idea what I am doing most of the time. But I sure am having fun trying to find out!

    Elis

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