Pushing

All of you know that I have been whining and griping about what I want. Nick has been reading too. When Mollie decided to go home with a friend Friday afternoon it seemed like a good omen. Nick had sent me a nice email earlier in the day so I was excited about the evening. We went out for a light supper and came home to an empty house. We headed to the bedroom and Nick held out the blind fold. I was happy to put it on but when we laid down together Nick wanted to talk. I think most of us out here feel we write better than we talk. I know I do, so I was a bit at a disadvantage. The conversation wasn’t really what I wanted to hear.

I know what he was saying was true. He talked about the idea of being in charge. While he wasn’t totally opposed he wasn’t completely in favor of it either. He said that it is difficult to change gears after 23 years of being equal partners to suddenly start telling me what to do. He also worried about and wanted to know what would happen when one day he told me to do something and I just didn’t ‘feel like playing’. He is wondering if I am playing head games with him. If I didn’t make it clear at that time the answer is - No, I am not playing head games. I do not view this as a game. I do not want it to be a game. I am not trying to saddle you with the responsibility of another child. I don’t expect you to tell me every move to make. But if you want something from me that you are not getting tell me and I will do it. You mentioned 2 areas that you would like me to work on. I will give it my best effort. Sometimes it will get away from me. Remind me that you expect.

He also talked about something else that bothers him. He has lived the vast majority of his life under the rule he began learning as a small boy – you don’t hit girls. He has no problem with what we are doing, fun, sexy, erotic spanking that we both enjoy so much. He is uncomfortable with going too much farther. Bless his heart he has tried to do everything I have asked of him, he really has. And I do appreciate that he was this honest with me. We finished talking and he gave me what I wanted.

He spanked me hard, harder than he is comfortable with. All I could think of was how much I was topping from the bottom and that I was pushing him. I felt like he was only doing it for me, not us. I was a hard spanking and I learned a lesson, it just wasn’t the lesson I was expecting to learn. I learned if it wasn’t right for both Nick and I, then it wasn’t right - period. So I want to say to Nick – I’m sorry. How about I back off a bit and quit pushing. Let’s have fun and enjoy each other. If you are willing we can have a wonderful fun time with spanking for the joy of it and be thankful for the closeness it has brought us. We can keep looking for toys in a variety of stores; you can sneak a pop to my rear any time you want to. And yes you can feel free to tell me to put down the computer and do something around the house! I may gripe and complain a bit, but I will do it!!

After the spanking we made love and snuggle for a while. Nick got up before I did and covered me with our softest quilt. I don’t know exactly what happened then. Did I just go to sleep? Did I lose consciousness? When I finally ‘came to’ I felt like I had experienced the best sleep of my life. I don’t know if I was in the world or not.

I love my husband. As I think back over the past 6 months I cannot believe the changes in my life. I owe all of this to Nick. His willingness to accept my feeling, my ideas, my friends (we talk about you guys a lot) and to be honest with me when he is uncomfortable makes me a happy women. I spend a lot of my day thinking of him. He keeps a grin on my face enough to really annoy my fellow teacher. I am the most contend I have ever been in my life. I find great joy in blogging and I realize the blogging is what got all this started, but the most important thing is the relationship and how we have grown into a real couple. Blogging got this started but we are the prize.