New and old

Still in the middle of chaos here. Today is the last teacher workday; the house is a steady parade of electricians, plumbers, and carpenters.  Mostly talking so far, seeing what needs to be done.  Thanks goodness Nick seems to know what to tell them. Nick continues to work on deconstruction.

My cold turned out to be worse than I’d thought.  The cough is killing me!  I sound like I’ve been smoking 3 packs a day for years.  And what all this means is that spanking has not been on the radar.  And honestly I’ve felt so bad I haven’t missed it. Isn’t that sad?  Not to worry, I’m on the mend and being off work will give me ample time to get my mind back to where it should be.

Meanwhile… Ronnie emailed me the other day saying she has run across an old post of mine while googling for a picture.  She said she hadn’t read it before but she liked it and thought it might be something others might like to read – or read again. Thanks Ronnie, I hope others like it. It has to do with convincing your man to spank.  Here it is, I hope maybe it helps someone.

Fellows, I'm talking to you

I am fortunate to have many friends that email me. Many of these friends don’t have blogs and are in various stages of introducing spanking into their relationship, some successfully and others not so much. I know from experience that often vanillas just don’t understand and boy do I know that it is hard to explain it to someone you love. It took me over 23 years to even get up the nerve to try. It’s been almost 2 wonderful years now but I still struggle to get him to understand at time.

So I am writing a letter to your men if they haven’t gotten it yet. Now I know we don’t live in a one size fits all world but from all I’ve felt and all I’ve read this will ring true for many of us.

Dear guys,
After years of knowing that she has this need, your wife/girlfriend/lover finally told you she wants to be spanked. I am guessing that at best you were surprised especially if you have been together 20 years or more. You may think it’s a passing whim. You may think it is just a random fantasy that has run through her mind; something best left as a fantasy not something she would like in real life. Plus you love this woman and you have no desire to hurt her.


Then listen to me (because your girl may be too shy or embarrassed to say it again)! This is NOT something that just came up! She has had probably had this need since childhood. Please trust your lover, if she says she wants to be spanked – SHE DOES!
 
Yes, she understands that this sounds strange to you. No, she does not understand why she is this way. Please stop trying to figure out why and just DO IT! If you do I can almost promise you that your sex life will reach heights that you never imagined! Ours did!! I went from being fairly cold toward sex to someone will to try anything my husband or I can dream up.
 
It’s okay to start slow. I know you are not sure what she wants. You may even be embarrassed (but not as embarrassed as she was to ask). Start with your hand, a small paddle ball paddle or maybe a paint stirrer. From my experience and those of many of my friends, she will much more likely be wanting ‘longer’ and ‘harder’ spanking rather than asking you to be more gentle. Remember anyone from vanilla to hard core can always enjoy a romantic, erotic spanking. This may be all she wants.


But if your wife/lover tells you she wants discipline that’s different. Discipline – that is a trickier subject. You will need to do more talking if this is something she wants. If the need for discipline in her life is ‘her thing’ it’s always going to be there whether you indulge it or not. If you are willing to try this, again – go slow. Pick a few things to work on together. I got my husband hooked by asking him to help me make the changes and choices to become healthier and lose weight.


It was rocky at first. I would mess up and he didn’t want to spank. He wanted to let it go or make excuses for me. I hated that and it hurt my feelings. I didn’t feel cared for or protected and I guess that is what we are looking for.

Although I know he did not mean to send this message this is the one I heard –

“Sure I care but not that much. You are a big girl. If you know you need to do something and you chose not to that is your business. You are on your own because I find all this confusing and you are just not worth the effort.”

Fellows, I like I said, I know this is not the message you are trying to send to the woman you love. But to the spanko mind this is what comes through. When my husband did start getting it and a couple of times spanked me hard with the hairbrush for over indulging and slacking off on my exercise, I got a whole other message.

“You are my wife. I love you, I love you way too much to allow you to run wild and put your health in jeopardy. I care enough about you to put some boundaries and guidelines around you to keep you safe. And yes I will wear you out if necessary to show you just how serious I am about my love for you.”

Nothing in my life has made me feel more loved, cherished, cared for or happy than for him to show his love for me in this way.

Alright fellows – I’m talking to you! If your wife or girlfriend handed you this or directed you here she agrees with me. Listen please!! She is serious! This is a very important part of her life. She loves you so much or she would never have shared her secret with you. If you love her enough to give it a try she will test you some to see if you will be consistent and take this seriously. It’s all part of the learning together. But it is worth it, I promise you – it’s worth it.

Email if you have questions, I may not have any answers for you but I would still like to hear what you are wondering about. elisspeaks@yahoo.com 

Men are you listening?

This is another post I did over a year ago. A commenter had mentioned that she had tried to talk to her husband about spanking but he didn't seem to realize she was serious and nothing was happening.

I hated that for her - and for him too, so I wrote this. Kinda another letter to the guys. But that was often were my mind was. I was ready to do public service announcement for spanking in general. I know that some of the people that I am really talking to our here aren't likely to comment. It's scary, I remember. But if this helps someone come out it's worth the re-post. But if you would like to talk please leave a comment or feel free to email elisspeaks@yahoo.com

~~0~~

Guys – snap out of it! What do you want? Do you want a happy, close relationship with your wife? Do you want a woman with an entirely new attitude on sex? Do you want a woman who feels such love for you for allowing her to open up to you about something that means so much to her? You can have it!! It’s right there; she is begging you to understand!! Can’t you hear her screaming? Of course not, she is doing her begging and screaming in her head. She had tried to tell you and you blow her off, laugh a little, shake your head at her ridiculous request. After that happens we learn to shut up. But the longing doesn’t go away. It just keeps getting deeper and deeper along with all the rest of her feelings and emotions.




And then you have the gall to wonder why she lacks interest in sex? Well let’s see how you would feel if your wife says “Sure I will have sex with you but let’s don’t involve your penis. I won’t touch it and don’t let it touch me, but sure let’s have sex.” I know this is ridiculous but for some of us women the desire to be spanked is a central and overwhelming part of our sexuality. And you are asking her to engage in sex but denying her the one thing that she knows will turn her on.

I was so lucky and trust me I do know it! I didn’t have the courage to come out to my husband for 23 years. I robbed us both of those years when we could have been so close. But once I got up my courage he did listen! No he did not fully understand, probably still doesn’t but his willingness to hear what I was saying and try my ideas allowed me to change from a sexual frigid repressed woman to a warm sexual being happy and anxious to experiment sexually anyway either of us can think of.

I know that husbands that don’t want to hear this are also not reading here. I know I am preaching to the choir but please, please girls give it one more chance! They have to be willing to try! If they give it a fair chance and they just don’t like it well, I guess we can’t ask more. But fellows if the love of your life hands you this to read and you won’t even talk about it, if you are not even willing to try, well then maybe you don’t deserve this wonderfully brave women!

Fellows, I'm talking to you

I am fortunate to have many friends that email me. Many of these friends don’t have blogs and are in various stages of introducing spanking into their relationship, some successfully and others not so much. I know from experience that often vanillas just don’t understand and boy do I know that it is hard to explain it to someone you love. It took me over 23 years to even get up the nerve to try. It’s been almost 2 wonderful years now but I still struggle to get him to understand at time.

So I am writing a letter to your men if they haven’t gotten it yet. Now I know we don’t live in a one size fits all world but from all I’ve felt and all I’ve read this will ring true for many of us.

Dear guys,
After years of knowing that she has this need, your wife/girlfriend/lover finally told you she wants to be spanked. I am guessing that at best you were surprised especially if you have been together 20 years or more. You may think it’s a passing whim. You may think it is just a random fantasy that has run through her mind; something best left as a fantasy not something she would like in real life. Plus you love this woman and you have no desire to hurt her.

Then listen to me (because your girl may be too shy or embarrassed to say it again)!! This is NOT something that just came up! She has had probably had this need since childhood. Please trust your lover, if she says she wants to be spanked – SHE DOES!!!!!

Yes, she understands that this sounds strange to you. No, she does not understand why she is this way. Please stop trying to figure out why and just DO IT!!!! If you do I can almost promise you that your sex life will reach heights that you never imagined! Ours did!! I went from being fairly cold toward sex to someone will to try anything my husband or I can dream up!!!

It’s okay to start slow. I know you are not sure what she wants. You may even be embarrassed (but not as embarrassed as she was to ask). Start with your hand, a small paddle ball paddle or maybe a paint stirrer. From my experience and those of many of my friends, she will much more likely be wanting ‘longer’ and ‘harder’ spanking rather than asking you to be more gentle. Remember anyone from vanilla to hard core can always enjoy a romantic, erotic spanking. This may be all she wants.

~~~oo0oo~~~

If your wife/lover tells you she wants discipline that’s different. Discipline – that is a trickier subject. You will need to do more talking if this is something she wants. If the need for discipline in her life is ‘her thing’ it’s always going to be there whether you indulge it or not. If you are willing to try this, again – go slow. Pick a few things to work on together. I got my husband hooked by asking him to help me make the changes and choices to become healthier and lose weight.

It was rocky at first. I would mess up and he didn’t want to spank. He wanted to let it go or make excuses for me. I hated that and it hurt my feelings. I didn’t feel cared for or protected and I guess that is what we are looking for.

Although I know he did not mean to send this message this is the one I heard –

“Sure I care but not that much. You are a big girl. If you know you need to do something and you chose not to that is your business. You are on your own because I find all this confusing and you are just not worth the effort.”

Fellows, I like I said, I know this is not the message you are trying to send to the woman you love. But to the spanko mind this is what comes through. When my husband did start getting it and a couple of times spanked me hard with the hairbrush for over indulging and slacking off on my exercise, I got a whole other message.

“You are my wife. I love you, I love you way too much to allow you to run wild and put your health in jeopardy. I care enough about you to put some boundaries and guidelines around you to keep you safe. And yes I will wear you out if necessary to show you just how serious I am about my love for you.”

Nothing in my life has made me feel more loved, cherished, cared for or happy than for him to show his love for me in this way.

Alright fellows – I’m talking to you! If your wife or girlfriend handed you this or directed you here she agrees with me. Listen please!! She is serious! This is a very important part of her life. She loves you so much or she would never have shared her secret with you. If you love her enough to give it a try she will test you some to see if you will be consistent and take this seriously. It’s all part of the learning together. But it is worth it, I promise you – it’s worth it.
Email if you have questions, I may not have any answers for you but I would still like to hear what you are wondering about. elisspeaks@yahoo.com