I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

New and old

Still in the middle of chaos here. Today is the last teacher workday; the house is a steady parade of electricians, plumbers, and carpenters.  Mostly talking so far, seeing what needs to be done.  Thanks goodness Nick seems to know what to tell them. Nick continues to work on deconstruction.

My cold turned out to be worse than I’d thought.  The cough is killing me!  I sound like I’ve been smoking 3 packs a day for years.  And what all this means is that spanking has not been on the radar.  And honestly I’ve felt so bad I haven’t missed it. Isn’t that sad?  Not to worry, I’m on the mend and being off work will give me ample time to get my mind back to where it should be.

Meanwhile… Ronnie emailed me the other day saying she has run across an old post of mine while googling for a picture.  She said she hadn’t read it before but she liked it and thought it might be something others might like to read – or read again. Thanks Ronnie, I hope others like it. It has to do with convincing your man to spank.  Here it is, I hope maybe it helps someone.

Fellows, I'm talking to you

I am fortunate to have many friends that email me. Many of these friends don’t have blogs and are in various stages of introducing spanking into their relationship, some successfully and others not so much. I know from experience that often vanillas just don’t understand and boy do I know that it is hard to explain it to someone you love. It took me over 23 years to even get up the nerve to try. It’s been almost 2 wonderful years now but I still struggle to get him to understand at time.

So I am writing a letter to your men if they haven’t gotten it yet. Now I know we don’t live in a one size fits all world but from all I’ve felt and all I’ve read this will ring true for many of us.

Dear guys,
After years of knowing that she has this need, your wife/girlfriend/lover finally told you she wants to be spanked. I am guessing that at best you were surprised especially if you have been together 20 years or more. You may think it’s a passing whim. You may think it is just a random fantasy that has run through her mind; something best left as a fantasy not something she would like in real life. Plus you love this woman and you have no desire to hurt her.

Then listen to me (because your girl may be too shy or embarrassed to say it again)! This is NOT something that just came up! She has had probably had this need since childhood. Please trust your lover, if she says she wants to be spanked – SHE DOES!
Yes, she understands that this sounds strange to you. No, she does not understand why she is this way. Please stop trying to figure out why and just DO IT! If you do I can almost promise you that your sex life will reach heights that you never imagined! Ours did!! I went from being fairly cold toward sex to someone will to try anything my husband or I can dream up.
It’s okay to start slow. I know you are not sure what she wants. You may even be embarrassed (but not as embarrassed as she was to ask). Start with your hand, a small paddle ball paddle or maybe a paint stirrer. From my experience and those of many of my friends, she will much more likely be wanting ‘longer’ and ‘harder’ spanking rather than asking you to be more gentle. Remember anyone from vanilla to hard core can always enjoy a romantic, erotic spanking. This may be all she wants.

But if your wife/lover tells you she wants discipline that’s different. Discipline – that is a trickier subject. You will need to do more talking if this is something she wants. If the need for discipline in her life is ‘her thing’ it’s always going to be there whether you indulge it or not. If you are willing to try this, again – go slow. Pick a few things to work on together. I got my husband hooked by asking him to help me make the changes and choices to become healthier and lose weight.

It was rocky at first. I would mess up and he didn’t want to spank. He wanted to let it go or make excuses for me. I hated that and it hurt my feelings. I didn’t feel cared for or protected and I guess that is what we are looking for.

Although I know he did not mean to send this message this is the one I heard –

“Sure I care but not that much. You are a big girl. If you know you need to do something and you chose not to that is your business. You are on your own because I find all this confusing and you are just not worth the effort.”

Fellows, I like I said, I know this is not the message you are trying to send to the woman you love. But to the spanko mind this is what comes through.
When my husband did start getting it and a couple of times spanked me hard with the hairbrush for over indulging and slacking off on my exercise, I got a whole other message.

“You are my wife. I love you, I love you way too much to allow you to run wild and put your health in jeopardy. I care enough about you to put some boundaries and guidelines around you to keep you safe. And yes I will wear you out if necessary to show you just how serious I am about my love for you.”

Nothing in my life has made me feel more loved, cherished, cared for or happy than for him to show his love for me in this way.

Alright fellows – I’m talking to you! If your wife or girlfriend handed you this or directed you here she agrees with me. Listen please!! She is serious! This is a very important part of her life. She loves you so much or she would never have shared her secret with you. If you love her enough to give it a try she will test you some to see if you will be consistent and take this seriously. It’s all part of the learning together. But it is worth it, I promise you – it’s worth it.

Email if you have questions, I may not have any answers for you but I would still like to hear what you are wondering about. elisspeaks@yahoo.com 


  1. I thought that was very well said!

  2. PK,
    I remember this post, however it never hurts to repeat good advice.
    Love and warm hugs,

  3. Thanks, PK. I am glad Ronnie ran across that again. Keep feeling better!

  4. Anonymous9:45 AM

    This can be a great way to open up a discussion with your partner since you address "fun" and "discipline."
    I hope you feel better soon.
    Take care,

  5. Hope the cold is better and the kitchen gets going.

    Glad Ronnie sent the post - it's a good primer and even a good reminder for some (if I can get my hubby to read).

    No more pencils, no more books
    Yeah for you.

  6. Maybe it's time to see a Doc about that cough.
    Love your letter to the "Guys". I never had that problem, It was his idea, not mine. Wasn't until he became more caring and supportive that i became more submissive and appreciative of the discipline.

  7. PK, that is an awesome letter. There are so many women who have a hard time finding the words to explain their feelings. You did it perfectly. It is the best advice I have ever read. I am a big fan of all your writing.
    Hope you are feeling better soon and that your house is finished quickly.

  8. PK: I hope you newer readers will find good advice in that letter. And good luck on getting well and getting the kitchen fixed.


  9. FA,
    Thanks, it’s something I feel strongly about.

    I know that there are always people at different stages of there relationship our here reading.

    Thanks. Just knowing I don’t have to go back until August should cure my cold.

    I think nearly any man can be lured to the ‘fun’ side. Discipline is harder for them to understand and grasp. But any start is better than none.

    LOL! I’m thinking of having Nick read it again. But he’s so busy with the kitchen I kinda hate to ask.

    You always remind me of Cassie and I love that. Spanking was my idea to my husband and he’s all for the fun part, but a little discipline, I wouldn’t mind.

    Thanks Blondie,
    I never know if what I think for myself is going to be useful to others, but I feel like many of us probably have the same problems and doubts – and trouble expressing ourselves. I don’t think and talk well on my feet, but I can write pretty well when I have time to think.

    I appreciate the thought; I sure am tired of this cold. I think the kitchen is on schedule – but you never know until it’s done.

  10. Thank you for this!!! I think I am going to print it out, highlight keys parts, draw arrows to important phrases, underline words etc. and give to the husband right away!!! You said this perfectly:):)


  11. I'm glad I found it PK and hope it helps someone.

    Hope your cold's better.


  12. Belle,
    Thanks for the comment. It helps to know that so many of us understand each other. I hope you'll come by often.

    Thanks Ronnie,
    The cold isn't going away. I have an appointment for my physical tomorrow - maybe they'll give me something.

  13. Great post Pk, so glad I am finally catching up on my reading. I do believe I may be forwarding this post to Musicman, maybe it will help him understand a bit better. Worth a try anyway :D

  14. First time that I'm reading this too. Great advice! Where was this 3 years ago when I needed it? ;-)