Marriage advice from a pro (not me)

I hope everyone is well and surviving their forced confinement. I ran across part of this in my archives and thought it might be a good time to post it again. I know I needed to read it again.

I’ve had two big shocks in my writing career. Even though I don’t plot out stories, and pretty much write by the seat of my pants (in the writing world I would be known as a pantser,) I know in general where a story, or post, is going. My first shock came when Lily entered the Cassie’s Space series. I had no idea she was in my head, that was not the way I saw the scene going – she just marched in and took over. It was a true shock and in my mind one of the most wonderful things that’s ever happened while I was writing.

But my second real shock came a few years ago while I was writing a post. I never bash Nick on my blog, but I’m not above complaining a little. The post I was writing leaned a little that way and I was planning to do some whining and complaining about him and probably the lack of spanking in our marriage.

So I was gearing up to write the post. I went into true writing mode, meaning I was staring into space trying to formulate what I wanted to say, when something happened. In all these years, nothing like this had ever happened before so I simply sat stunned listing to what I can only call a lecture from one of my best friends. Here’s what Cassie had to say.

~o~

Enjoy your husband. Pay attention, and enjoy your husband. Enjoy him when he is in a happy, loving, playful mood. Enjoy him when he’s tired and crabby and withdrawn. Enjoy him when he’s mowing, doing the laundry, and cooking. And enjoy him when he’s sitting beside you quietly watching TV or reading or even napping.

Enjoy him for who he is. You chose one another above all others in this world to share your lives together. And most importantly, after more than three decades you’re both still there. Do you know how many women would give their eye teeth to be in your place?  To have a man who truly loves you. A man you can trust completely and who is completely loyal to you. You’ve never had to worry about infidelity. You’ve never had to worry about drunken binges or abuse. You have a man who cares for you and will listen to you – if you will just talk to him. 

Enjoy him when he’s annoying you. Enjoy him when he’s being inconsiderate or thoughtless. Enjoy him when he hurts your feelings or snaps at you for no reason. Enjoy him, but you don’t have to ignore these things. I’m telling you to be a wife, not a wimp. Tell him if he’s annoying you or being inconsiderate or thoughtless. Tell him if he hurts your feelings. What do you think is going to happen? You tell him these things and he gets mad and says, “That’s it, I’m leaving. Marriage over.” You know that’s stupid. So, you argue, big deal – you’ll both get over it. 

Talk to the man! Tell him when you’re happy, tell him when you’re mad. Stop living in your head and enjoy this wonderful man you have. When you’re mad or hurt, you need to tell Nick and stop thinking in your head, “Well, Tom would have… or Tom wouldn’t have…” – because I know you do this sometimes. Remember, Tom is mine and only mine. No one else would put up with him. Trust me, you would hate being married to him. I have the occasionally dream of being able to do anything I want any time I want with no worry about the ivory brush. Everyone has ‘the grass is greener…’ feelings at times. But never stay there more than a minute or two.

You’re living on the fringe of your marriage, it’s like you’re scared to get involved.  You’ve chosen peace and harmony rather than fire and passion. Maybe try it the other way for a while. You don’t have any big problems in your marriage. Quit nursing the little ones and learn to enjoy what you have. 

Enjoy your husband!

This was out of the blue. Cassie tells me her stories, but she’s always stayed out of my business. I know, I know, Cassie is just another part of me. So perhaps I was lecturing to myself, but it didn’t feel that way. Regardless, she wasn’t wrong. I think I’m going to try to take her advice. Hmm… taking Cassie’s advice on marriage, it should either bring Nick and me closer or I’m going to  get my ass spanked. Sounds like a win/win to me.