Where TTWD has brought us - (part 5 - the final one)

You can read parts one, two, three and four by clicking on them.

I’d like to end up this probe into the world of TTWD with how Nick and I ended our original emails. I guess you know by now I’m a bit more long winded than he is. This is how I ended mine:

I told you that we could certainly keep up with the fun or sexy spankings as much as you’d like. When I said that you no longer had to worry with coming up with half-hearted reasons or rules to spank, I thought that you’d be on board at once. You surprised me by seeming to want to leave discipline on the table.

So, it’s back on the table. But I’m leaving it up to you. Wondering, hoping, worrying, anticipating, waiting just left me alternatingly anxious, disappointed, depressed and ultimately angry. I’m not doing that anymore. But if you feel a situation warrants it, if you feel a spanking will be beneficial to me or to us – whether it’s to make me do something I need to do or stop something I need to stop, or just to bring us closer for the moment – then do it! I won’t say no. I will, of course, protest that I don’t deserve a spanking – that’s simply standard. All spankees say that before any spanking.

What I really want for us is just to be happy with one another. I would love us to talk

about many things. Email and text are fine. Seems sometimes that all we really discuss is politics, and thank God we agree! Maybe I can relax now that I’m giving up preconceived expectations. But I want us to talk and touch and laugh and tease about anything and everything. I like us being able to snuggle in bed and that you tell me good-by and that you love me when you leave in the mornings. I love when you pop my butt when I bend over. I like you pointing out the rawhide whips to me at the horse auction and I really like you not buying it! Maybe I’ve made this too heavy in my mind and I just need to lighten up. So I’m freeing it, or trying to – it may happen, it may not I’m not going to worry either way. I’m just going to keep on loving you and hope you keep on loving me.

These were Nick’s final thought, before he’d read mine:

I hope I still have the green light to spank you when I think you need one, or just because I want to!  I hope an approaching birthday at your advanced age won’t adversely affect your position.

My thoughts on this subject may be different from yours but I want what is right and helpful for us.  I don’t want to take a step backward.  I want us at our best, not just roommates.

Think about things and maybe we can find our way.

I love you.

He really is such a good guy. 

Now about that birthday crack, I told him:

As I said in my email, you do still have this green light. Also note, I lied about my age when we married. I was only two.

His response:

Just a note for now: Lying about your age may get you in trouble. You've heard of law cases where awards are doubled (punitive damages).

A day or so later, Nick emailed:

Please write me a little report on how things are going in any relevant areas. Let me know about current gym activities, classes etc.

Consider whether regular updates would be something you can provide.

I answered:

I made it to the gym twice this week and rode the bike two days and I’ve watched what I ate. The scale was down this morning.

I’ve thought and thought this morning trying to be precise on how I’m feeling. You know the core of all this stuff for me is more emotional than factual. I think I’m feeling cautiously, pleasantly optimistic. I’m working hard to release any TTWD expectation, for either of us and just see what happens. So far it’s working and I’m feeling better.

I could probably send updates if you like. Weight updates and gym visits aren’t hard to report. More helpful might be me sharing how I’m feeling. That might not be that hard either. Convincing myself you really want to hear it– now that’s much tougher.

I also told him one of my concerns: 

One big change is what I can take. Do you remember when we started. You seemed genuinely surprised at the type of spanking I could handle – both in forcefulness and in duration. I felt like I could take anything you could dish out and then some. I can’t now and I’m not sure why. But I know a great deal of it was mindset. When I believed it was going somewhere – that there was a solid reason behind what we were doing, a lifestyle we were striving for, I went off in my head and I could ‘take it’. Without that feeling in my head, when it seems like it’s not for a purpose, it just hurts like hell and I can’t take much.

His reply to this was:

As far as regular updates, let's consider it mandatory at least for the next few months, facts, feelings, etc.  I think it might keep us both focused. You decide on a day of the week preferably Thursday or Friday, and let me know when to expect.  Don't just give me the good news or even news you think I want to hear.  If you have weeks when you haven't given the reasonable effort on housekeeping, exercise or something else give me the honest report and we will go from there, no contracts, no promises.  

As for not being able to take a reasonable spanking any more... toe the line or toughen up!  Plan on a little practice in toughening up tomorrow. 

  

That pretty much brings everything up to date. We’re communication. We both seem more happy and relaxed. Mostly we’re waiting to see what happens. There are few expectation on either of us. I emailed him Thursday with my thoughts and updates. And it’s my intentions to continue for a few months as he asked.

Thank you for taking letting me lay all this our here. It helps me more than you know and if it’s helped any of you, then that’s a real bonus. Thanks for being here for me.