I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, February 28, 2017

A thinking question

Yesterday I read Baker’s post over at Our Sweeter approachto Life. She asked an excellent question and my answer popped into my mind firmly and of its own accord. No hesitation at all I knew this answer. If you haven’t read her post I wish you would go over there now and read it and give her your answer, or at least get your answer in your mind.

Go on,  click here, I’ll wait… but don’t forget to come back!

Glad you’re back. Being a lifelong spanko my answer was a no brainer. But I want to ask a different question. Ladies, what would your answer have been if your man came to you (much like we each came to our husbands) and told you he wanted to submit and put himself under your dominance?



Now before you say ‘Ick no, I don’t want to think about it.’ – think about it. This is the person you love and care for asking you for something you feel is off the wall and something that is totally out of your comfort zone. Isn’t that what we did to our men when we came out and asked after twenty or thirty years of marriage? (For some of your men, it wasn't that far out of their comfort zone, but go with me here.)

What if he told you that this was something he desperately wanted, needed in his life? What if he told you that this was what it took to make him feel totally loved? Totally safe? How would you have reacted?

I think the first reaction of many would be, “No, it makes him seem weak.” Does it? I certainly don’t think of any of us as ‘weak’. We are all strong, independent, intelligent women who after careful deliberation chose to submit (well, sorta) to one man – not to laying down our rights and be a doormat for the world. We are no less of a person because we made this choice.

Some may think, “But traditional rolls have the man as the HOH, the leader, the one with the final say.” Okay, sometime. Nick has always made the biggest money decisions – buying cars, building onto the house, investing. We always discuss, but I have no problem letting him make the final decision. On the other hand, decisions involving the children were my strong suit and I was usually the one making the final decision. Nick was better understanding finances; I was more in tune with the child rearing. None of that changed with TTWD.


If your man had asked – would he have seemed like less of a man to you?
(Did he see you as less of a woman?)

Would you have listened to what he was asking, sincerely, and stepped up to at least try to give him want he said he needed?
(Did he do that for you?)

Could you have made guide lines and spanked your man for not following them?
(Again, he did it for you.)

This is an age of swirling rolls between men and women. Fewer relationships are black and white. I know there are those out here where the woman is the dominant partner and they seem very happy. But for the majority of the people I know here the man is dominant, he does the spankings and we do the ouchy ‘just got spanked’ dance and that’s exactly the way we want it.

But what if… what if our loves had come to us with the same needs, desires, longing and fear of what might we have said? Would we have stepped up to give it a try in the way our loving men have done for us?

Just wondering…

34 comments:

  1. Hi PK, this is such a great question! For us ttwd just naturally evolved, we are both spankos however there was no question as to who was the Spanker snd who was the spankee.

    Having said that however, we have tried reverse roles on the odd occasion in play. I never felt truly comfortable in the Spanker role though.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. I could say exactly the same thing! It's not the way I'm made, but probably Nick wasn't made to be dominate either and I appreciate his trying for me.

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  2. Hi PK, If Bear came to me to ask me to spank him I would as I'd do anything to make him happy. We have tried reverse roles and neither of us liked it. So sticking to him the HoH and me the sub.

    Hugs Lindy xx

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    1. I like that you say you would be willing to try. But I can see that neither of you would be comfortable.

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  3. Although I know I still do not understand why, the spanking is tied up in my mind with my sexuality. As much as I would try to do what pleases Sam, I do not think I could be the spanker anymore than I could snap my fingers and take on a new sexual identity.

    I would dearly love to know why I am fascinated with spanking but being the receiver makes me feel cherished and loved. It is a fulfillment for me, and makes me feel complete in a way that I never thought possible.

    Hugs From Ella

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    1. I'm with you completely on this. It would be like changing sexuality.

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  4. PK,
    Spanking Jack goes against my grain. I simply cannot imagine being in such a relationship ....... ever. However this is a great question.
    Meredith

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    1. Goes against mine too - I'm just so happy it didn't go against his.

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  5. I love your question, PK. I actually have a sort of answer. Nope. Couldn't do it. Not for lack of anything except we tried things here where I was in charge of most everything. No, I didn't spank him, but I took so much control we were both miserable. We were going against our grain before we started ttwd, and it just did not work for us. In our case it truly hurt who we were as a couple. Ttwd/dd, has been so healing for us. Him taking charge, leading and yes, spanking has helped.

    On a side note though, once when we are having a bit of fun I swatted him. Yeah, (smiling) that didn't end well for me, but it didn't hurt to try.
    --Baker

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    1. I think many of our marriages were like this before we tried dd. I'm just so happy our men were willing to give it a try.

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  6. PK.. yes, my first reaction to this post as exactly Ick... then I re-read it several times to try and understand the view point and I get it. It would take a lot of work for me to see myself in the dominant role and not see Sir as being weak. Having said that, If it really was important to him, I would really work hard to see his view point but sadly don't think I would be able to follow through as it really goes against my whole way of life. I might consider trying to reverse the role one time to see how I would feel but just really don't think it would be the lifestyle for us. I am fortunate in that it is highly unlikely this situation would present itself between Sir and I. Good food for thought though. I would add that similar to Baker, me being in charge has detrimental effects on our relationship so we are better off just as we are.

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    1. I guess this is the closest to my answer - I think it's icky, I would be uncomfortable, I wouldn't want to do it - but I'd like to think I would have tried it if that was what he truly wanted.

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  7. If my Matthew had come to me with that request, I would have tried very hard to understand where he was coming from. Not sure I could have done it but definitely would have given it the good ole college try if that's what he truly needed.

    Great question, PK!

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. Exactly! They did this for us, I'd like to think we would have tried it for them.

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  8. I think I would have tried as well. After all if their needs are not being met than I should think its important to try!I think There are many that enjoy that relationship.+++
    That being said-- aside from my bossy personality, It would be very hard. I just do not envision our relationship that way!
    I have threatened him and given him the odd playful swat....He does not appreciate the words or the actions!

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    1. You're a good wife! From what I've read, I say men don't like getting swatted - but Nick does want to know what each implement feels like.

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  9. Deena8:33 AM

    Well. No. I just wouldn't be able to do that. I've given a great deal of thought as to why I need this type of relationship. Even as a child, I was the one who took charge of things. My parents were wonderfully loving but not very responsible. So I was. I guess the years caught up to me and I realized I needed to be out of that role and need my husband to take care of me. We are still trekking along slowly. So no. And I should add - this question made me realize how truly loving my guy is, because he is definitely not a natural HOH and is truly doing this only because I've asked. Now that's love.

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    1. Deena I guess that was one of the things I wanted us to think about - that for some of our guys the thought might have just as difficult. Glad you came by.

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  10. Very interesting but it is extremely clear in my mind that I could never live the sort of relationship you describe. Being a spanko and the submissive one in the relationship is and has always been innate for me. It simply could never be the other way. Ttwd was never a far stretch for my guy and I am ever so grateful that it worked out this way. It's all very thought provoking though.

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    1. It's so good you are both comfortable this way. I like the submissive, spankee side myself. I feel sorry for those who wish they could change roles.

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  11. Hi PK,

    I know it wont happen but if P came to me NOW to ask me to spank him, I think I could but only in fun, not reverse roles and definitely not taking on the whole F/M relationship. Had he come to me at the start and I knew it was important to him, I would have tried but I know I wouldn't have been comfortable with such a relationship.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Your answer here is exactly how I would answer!

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  12. Hi PK, :) Interesting question! If it had been long ago, no way would I have even considered it. Now, if Rob ever approached me, wanting me to be the Hoh, spank and all, I would give it a try because I love him. It would be tough at first, as I consider myself submissive and being spanked goes with my sexuality as well. I love him, and would try to do the things that make him happy, so I would go for it. I know that there are many couples that enjoy just that kind of spanking relationship! For us, Rob and I both agree that he is the spanker and I get the spankings (that is an understatement- HAHA!). Interesting to think about. Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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    1. I guess this is what I was wondering - could I if he really wanted me to. Probably not, but I'd try.

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  13. I've never been drawn to that side like I am to the receiving end (for fun and foreplay,not real discipline),but I would do it in a heart beat if he asked. I think though that while it might be fun of occasionally, a lot of what I like about spanking is the giving up of control and I would miss that. Of the two of us I do more organizing and coordinating in most parts of our lives so the spanking helps give me a release. As I think about your question more, perhaps it also helps balance our relationship dynamics too. I'll have to ponder that some more. Great question.

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    1. I LOVE being able to give up control. And I wonder if it's somethings our guys need to do once in a while.

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  14. PK, I'm late again! This is a very thought provoking question. Given that Harry refused to spank me for 43 years, I know what it's like to yearn for that want to be met and would like to think I'd be up to the challenge. In reality though, I don't think I could do it because my desire stems from the primitive need to know that my mate is stronger than I am. I know there are many men out there who like or need to be spanked and have been fortunate enough to find wives who are willing to take the lead. I don't see that as odd, it's just not the way it works in my marriage.

    I mentioned this post to Harry and he said not to worry, it's never going to happen, so I'm safe in the knowledge that I won't be tested.

    Great post PK.

    Rosie xx

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    1. Good that you don't have to worry about it! I know how hard it was for most of us to ask, for the men who do want it, it must be doubly hard.

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  15. I can't even kill spiders, I put them outside! How could I spank my man?

    Cygnet

    P.S. But truthfully, if I were in a relationship that was good and healthy and I felt most of my needs were being met, if that was a need of his I would definitely try to figure it out.

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    1. I guess we'd do anything we could for our men, but I'm glad I'm not asked to do this.

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  16. It is so hard to know isn't it without really being in that situation? Knowing myself and my husband the way I do I know it would never be, but if I were to imagine him approaching the subject, whether he wished for me to spank him for fun or DD, I would like to think I would do my best to understand and listen and try for him out of love. It is not my natural nature and I fear I would fail, but I would try. In our younger years, I probably would have been frightened by the idea as we were both so new to intimacy and just learning about our sexuality together. But now I would try. Thank goodness he has no desire to be spanked or led. :-) Hugs

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    1. I agree, I guess I'd try - but I'm glad I don't have to.

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  17. Oh, PK, that is a great issue you are throwing at us (I left a reaction on Baker's blog too, you basically know it after our last exchange). Above all, I know I am speaking from a different planet. I am not into DD, ttwd (what is it and why do you call it this way?). I am a switch. 60/30 sometimes, 70/30 or so, but that only means that I like giving spanking slightly more than get it. For me it's a theatre, and roles can change, it's not fixed, it's all about power exchange. You first have to have power to give it away and then to get it back. I don't think really that it impacts masculinity or feminity, it's just about exploration of imagination, roles, and sensations.

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    1. Mobby, so nice to have you here and it think for a lot of people you are exactly right. There is a lot of theater and we can change around.

      TTWD - (This thing we do) I it's what WE do - discipline, play, erotic, it's a very general term.

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