Still thinking and thinking

It always surprises me that after thinking about TTWD for most of my life, after blogging about it and trying to put it into practice for five years; I’m still amazed when I have an ‘Ahh- Haa’ moment about it. But it does still happen. I’ve come to realize that there are two major things I want from TTWD.

The first thing I wanted from it was an improvement to our sex life. And it worked! Our sex life went from ‘Fine, go ahead, try not to wake me,’ to a fantastic. We’re willing to try anything, we buy toys, we experiment, and we have a happy and playful sex life. We have sex more often and for me, it is completely satisfying. I know this improvement is directly related to TTWD because I always knew this was the trigger for me. I always knew this was the way to reach the sexual part of me but I wouldn’t share that information with Nick because I always thought it was too strange and might make me too vulnerable. Chalk another one up for my fellow bloggers who gave me the confidence and courage to come out to him.

There is the second side of TTWD that I want just as badly. It’s what I talk about in this post. I want the emotional part. It’s so much harder to describe and to put in practice. Spanking and all that goes with it makes me feel safe and cared about. You can’t get much more open and trusting with your spouse than to be naked and allowing, encouraging, even longing for them to spank you (even if you feel you’ve had enough for that particular moment!) I’ve never really cried during a spanking and I’ve given up hoping for it really. If it comes, it comes, but that’s yet another level of openness that I haven’t reached yet.

But in addition to that, I want all the little things that come with the closeness TTWD can bring. I want us to feel like we are the most important person in each other’s lives. I want Nick to wait and walk into a store with me, sometimes he forgets and gets pretty far ahead. I love it when he takes my hand when we’re out somewhere. I want to take the time to talk about ‘us’ sometimes, to talk about TTWD and how it’s working. I want to shop for pervertables together. I’d love all these little things. We don’t have to do them all the time but I would love to think Nick thinks about them sometimes.

I’m pretty sure if we took these two separate aspects of TTWD, the improved sex side of it and the improved emotional sided of it, Nick would come down hard and firm on the better sex side. I think a lot of men would. But if we had to pick – one or the other, I’d probably come down on the emotional side. I understand Nick’s side of it – better sex is physical, it’s immediate and he can fully understand it. Emotions are much trickery to understand and deal with. Let’s all say it together ‘Men and women are different!’ But there is really good news here – we don’t have to choose!!! We can have both! We have to work to balance it but it isn’t that hard to do.

My biggest problem with TTWD is when this ‘better sex/better emotion’ scale gets too far out of balance. When I feel the only time he spanks me is when he wants sex then I get depressed and start to withdraw.

I’m hoping now that we’ll have the privacy, then when Nick’s in a sexy mood he might say “I’ve decided that in a few minutes I’m going to tie you to the bed and spank your ass red with every toy in the box until my arm gets tired. Then I’ll decide whether I want a BJ or whether I’ll just f**k you until you can’t walk tomorrow.” Whoopee! I’ll go for that!! But along with that I need him to sometimes say something like “You’re getting a spanking today. You haven’t paid any attention to what I’ve told you about (whatever)” or “You’re getting a spanking because you're too stressed” or “You’re pulling away from me and I won’t have it, you’re getting a spanking to get your head in the right place.” Get the general idea? In those cases I want and need a good firm spanking with just some hugging and tender words after.

I have great hope that this will happen. Soon we won’t be limited to one day a week when we know Mollie is going to be out of the house. I don’t expect Nick to go out and buy a white horse and a knight suit. I don’t expect him to spend every waking moment thinking about TTWD and ways to keep me happy. But judging from the last few days I think there is great hope for some wonderful changes.