Sunday, August 14, 2011
This is a week when a lot of things are swirling around me – getting over the reunion, waiting to hear what my cousin thinks of my writing, starting back to work and Mollie moving out, lots and lots on my mind. But, as always, dancing in my mind is the general topic of this blog. Always overshadowing TTWD has been the time and privacy restraints. Now we’ll have both. So I have to wonder, what will happen?
I still don’t expect Nick to want a DD marriage. I’ve realized I don’t. But for a week or so Nick has been saying little things. He’s reminded me twice that there will consequences for not meeting my weight goal before the reunion. He grabbed me in the kitchen one day and used our new ouchie spatula – and I mean, used it until I felt it! He said that was only a down payment because Mollie was on her way home.
There have been lots of ups and downs in our journey through TTWD. I think, over time, I've changed what I really want to more realistic expectations than I had originally. I still want this lifestyle but I want something that works for Nick and me. If there are any ruled that matter to Nick I hope he’ll share them with me. I like the idea. I’ll never be totally submissive but there are things about myself that I need to change and that I want to change. Some of these relate to taking better care of myself and other are as mundane as housekeeping chores I should do better. These are things I know I should take care of myself but I’ve never really made myself. Will Nick?
I don’t know. I’ve tried not to get my hopes up too much. I mean, I have an optimistic attitude and Nick has done several things that make me hopeful, but I’ve been disappointed before. Often Nick really had no idea what I was wanting, maybe I didn’t know either. I think we have a good chance now. There are little bubbles of excitement rising in me and they sure do feel good.