I talked in my last post about how much spanking adds to my happiness and well being. Now I want to tell you about how I wish it would happen. I know some will look at this as topping. But I see it differently. Like many of the women who blogs here I, the one desiring spanking, was the one who introduced this idea into our marriage. When I first laid it out for Nick he was startled, surprised, and bewildered. It is a pretty strange concept for a vanilla after all. But after the idea sunk in he had little hesitation. It was more of a ‘Really? Well sure, why not!’ response. So as willing as he has been, I’m the one who know what I’m asking for. Telling him want I need isn’t topping, it’s asking. Suppose I came home one day with my feet tired and aching and ask Nick if he would be willing to give me a foot massage. He says he’s certainly willing, but then he starts massaging my shoulders instead. Would it be topping (bossy) to say ‘No honey it’s my feet that need the massage.’ Maybe he just didn’t understand the first time. If he’s willing to help I know he’s willing to do what I need. I just need to be clear, he can't read my mind.
Now on to that spanking I want. Well, first the spanking I don’t want. Nick suddenly realized I haven’t been spanked in a while and says to himself, “I better spank her soon or she’s going to get crabby on me.” So without further adieu grabs me, bares my bottom, spanks hard for 30 seconds or so and thinks, ”There, that ought to hold her.” While I’d be thinking “WTF just happened?” Nick doesn’t do this but I think that would be horrible.
Anticipation is one important part of being a spanko. We all know what a powerful instrument the mind is. I really need my mind engaged to get the benefits of a spanking. Maybe an email, a text during the day, a whisper in my ear as he leaves in the morning – something to let me know he thinks it’s time for a spanking. The day before is great, that morning is also good, but even an hour’s lead time really helps me get in the right frame of mind. This doesn’t have to be a long spanking. Of course it can be, but he’s welcomed to take a break and tell me to wait where I am in whatever position he wants me in, then come back to finish the job. But honestly we may be only talking 10 or 15 minutes here if that’s all the time we have – is that too much to ask for once a week or so?
Since we don’t get to spank all that often I really need a warm up to be able to take what I want to take. I like to start out over clothes (not Nick’s favorite) with something not too harsh. I need him to go slowly again to allow my mind time to fall into the submissive mode and get the full benefit. If he starts off too hard, the pain is all I can think about. I just want it over instead of going with it and riding it through. The warm up is important, mentally and physically. When we get to the bare, the hand is a wonderful for a warmup, it can go on for as long as he wants in my mind. Maybe a good rule would be to began with a moderate hand spanking and as it builds, and his hand can no longer take it, then maybe I’ll be warmed up enough for him to move on to something else. Rogue mentioned that if her husband felt real discipline was necessary then she is willing to take whatever he dishes out – hard spanking wise, but if it was just a stress relief or for reconnection starting off too hard can negate the benefits. I agree completely! I don’t mean to tell Nick want he has to do. But I am trying to share what I feel I need. Once he hears my needs and the reasons for them he can decide the best way to go forward.
One more note to Nick and most any other guy reading here. If you tell the woman you love that you’re going to spank her that evening or that it will be the next day and something comes up so that it’s not possible – say something!! Things happen, we know that but tell us it has to be postponed, let us know you haven’t just forgotten or blown it off. This matters to us and we what to think it matters to you too.
So I’ve communicated, I’ve spelled out what I need, why I need it and what I want so badly, but there is a question I have. I don’t think Nick reads here anymore, maybe occasionally, but not every post.
Do I direct him to my last post and this one, or do I leave it in the hands of chance that he might read it? While I want this with my heart, my head often tells me just let it go. So heart or head, which do I listen to?