Not much to post today. There haven’t been any sexy spankings, or any other kind of spankings, to write about. I guess it’s that time of the year. I don’t have my mind where I'd like it to be and where it should be, on my marriage. Instead I’m in survival mode at work and collapse mode when I get home.
I guess there is one good thing about it; the total exhaustion is slowing down the continually rising dread as I realize my baby is graduating from high school. My lovely Mollie is nearly through with her high school days. In a few short months she will be headed to college – thankfully not far away, but she won’t be living at home. It’s a little like being on a see-saw, one day I’m fighting tears that her childhood is over and she is leaving us. The next day I’m wearing a little smile that those child rearing years are behind us and we will have our empty nest to ourselves.
I don’t fear the empty nest like so many people do. But still it’s going to seem strange. We have had little people living with us for over 23 years and all at once they're gone. I know many parents that suddenly look at each other across an unusually quiet dinner table and wonder at the stranger sitting across from them. Do they really know that person? Do they like that person? Have they only been keeping the family unit intact for the children who have just left them high and dry? Those are some scary question.
I could have been asking myself those questions if I had not come out to my husband about my spanko side. I don’t think we would have ever broken up or anything – we have always liked each other and we have always gotten along. But if I hadn’t come out, if I hadn’t trusted him enough to share my true feelings with him I think we would have fallen into a fairly dull ‘roommate’ type relationship. I think I would have despaired at the children leaving because where I was perfectly comfortable and confident being their mother I have not always been comfortable and confident being a wife.
I know it’s going to be different. I hope you won’t mind putting up with my various moods over this time of change in our lives. Sometimes I may be sobbing on your shoulder about missing Mollie. I may be mad or sad at times when I’ll feel ignored by Nick. I might be happily reporting a warm bottom along with a warm heart or maybe I’ll be sharing some thoughts about some wildly sexy afternoon delight. I don’t know what the future holds but I’m excited about it and I guess that’s a pretty good way to feel about the future.