I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Sunday, January 10, 2010

Changes?

Hmmm… could things be about to change around here? I got a very interesting email from Nick Saturday. He said many of the things I had been hoping he would say. Now don’t get carried away here – we aren’t going into a DD relationship. I realized a while back that for all I love the idea in fantasy, in real life it wouldn’t work for us. Neither of us would be comfortable. (But my hat is off to my friends who have this kind of relationship and it does work for them.) For the most part we just don’t need it. What I want is some help with the diet. Now understand, I use the word diet loosely – it’s a catch-all word for wanting to be healthier, look better, feel better – the works, not just losing weight. But losing weight is a part of it because I was so much happier when I was losing and looking and feeling better – everything in my life had a rosier outlook. I want that back. And Nick has offered to really help again. I feel better already!

We’re still in the working out what all we will be trying and doing. He has made some suggestions and has asked for my input on some consequences. Here is where many vanillas get confused. They’re thinking:



If they make an agreement on rules or goals or consequences and she doesn’t follow through she gets spanked. But wait, she likes to be spanked. That doesn’t make sense.



Good point vanillas but let me explain. When Nick asks me to do something and I agree then just knowing that he is really willing to back it up with a spanking if I don’t follow through, well it means something to me. Knowing he will do this for me is often all it takes to get me with the program. I call it ‘engaging my mind’. When Nick is willing to make some ruled and enforce them it’s exciting for me. I’m happy and it is so much easier to do the things I know I need to do.

He did throw out some ideas that had me squirming. He knows that there are implements I’m not very fond of. He mentioned the dreaded blind adjustment rod or dowel rods – both are way too cane like for my taste. But honestly I could see them as good deterrents. But then he stepped over the line and went from discipline to sadistic cruelty by suggesting he might also use ‘Some other consequence that you can’t dispose of so quickly” and went on to mention me having to get off my butt and do some work around here or having to go to bed earlier. Ouch – now that would be serious!

We haven’t decided anything but we’re talking/emailing and it has me feeling much better. He also mentioned me doing my assignments again. We did them for a long time, for those of you that are new – he just asked that I email him once a week with what was going on in my head. I didn’t keep it up and he probably forgot about it most of the time too. I didn’t ever start back because I don’t think I’ll ever convince myself that he really wants to hear what’s rattling around in my head. But it might be something we can try again if he wants to.

We’ll see and I’ll let you know, but I feel more positive than I have in a long time.

12 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you're feeling good about this! It sounds like you generally know what would work/not work as far as DD-esque things go and you're focusing on sticking with what's comfortable. Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

    Maggie

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  2. PK that's great! Whatever works! And what works for each of us is different. Glad you are finding your nitch with Nick's help!

    Love and Huggs!
    Theresa

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  3. PK, sounds like Nick is planning to make use of the feel good factor, this should get you off your butt and running. figuratively speaking that is.
    It's good that you are so positive, I hope that it leads to good things for you.
    Love and warm hugs,
    Paul.

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  4. PK: Great to hear that you're feeling so positive. It looks like you're both on the same page now and I hope that continues.

    And your explanation of "engaging your mind'' was really well done.
    And I hope this continues.

    Your good feelings about the situation almost jumped off the screen.

    Good luck.
    FD

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  5. Change is good. :)It is great you have Nick in your corner, and he is willing to help you meet your goals.

    Hugs,
    Katia

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  6. Maggie,
    It does feel good and we have been playing around with it for a few years now. I am beginning to be able to recognize what works for us for real rather than what I used to fantasize about.

    Theresa,
    That's what I am really finding out out here. There are so many ways to bring TTWD into a relationship. And each one is unique.

    Paul,
    I'm just so happy he brought it up. He knew I needed something to get me started again. I'm glad he's willing to help.

    FD,
    I think all spanko realize how much the mind involved with TTWD. I think it's the #1 thing. I appreciate Nick talking to me about D/D as much as doing it.

    Katia,
    I am really lucky to have Nick. I know I have to do the work to get healthier but having him in my corner really helps.

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  7. PK, Force yourself into doing those hated tasks which he has been hoping you would do and believe me, you will see true change. One more thing, do it with a happy and humble heart and he will feel that you have given him the respect of HOH. His behavior will follow. Hugs, KayLynn

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  8. PK, this sounds great and very positive. Good for NIck.

    Hope your week is a good one PK.

    Love.
    Ronnie
    xx

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  9. Anonymous10:00 AM

    Horray! Good for you, that means there is still hope for those of us kind of in the same boat, I am still trying to convince Jim that I need him to 'help' me with the 'getting healthy' thing, and my terrible procrastination. Thanks for writing this blog, you help more than you know

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  10. I am glad that the two of you are talking about this and that you feel good about everything... :-)

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  11. Anonymous8:30 PM

    Im glad you are feeling better. Im working on writing a story for you. Now I just have to finish and get brave enough to send it.
    Anne

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  12. Kaylynn,
    I'm trying. Nick is a little under the weather this week so I'm trying to look after him.

    Thanks Ronnie,
    The week is shaping up fine but very busy!! I'll be talking to you soon.

    Anon,
    And thank you for your comment. We all find ourselves in the same boat at times. Our men take convincing at times and we can't give up. It's too important. Knowing others are out here trying helps me too.

    Terps,
    There are always ups and downs. We just can't ever give up.

    Anne,
    I really am feeling better and I am so happy that you are writing a story. Please don't back out about sending it - I'm looking forward to reading it.

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