My evening that was so very good last week was also a first for us. We tried something a little different not terribly unusual but rarely talked about on the blogs I read. I didn’t even know if I would share or not. It goes back to the feeling that, unlike when I began, I now care about how I am perceived out here. I’m 51 now and I should be beyond caring if others understand or approve of what I like or how my husband and I enjoy ourselves. So I decided to share. If I make you uncomfortable come back later it won’t be a topic I will discuss often.
We had our privacy last week and loved it. Our week included more talking that usual about spanking and sex. We are too dang old to whisper and make ourselves heard and Mollie has the ears of a bat so with her gone we could discuss things, joke about things, share things we came across on the computer with freedom and ease. One thing we discussed was female ejaculation (squirting). We have no doubt it is a real occurrences since many of my friends here experience it but we wondered if all women did, could, you know just curious. I emailed my experts and got good advice and I no longer mind trying whether we get that particular result or not.
I am realizing that in the past I just haven’t really wanted to take the time to try. In the past, not really understanding how good sex could be, I mostly just wanted to hurry through it. Nick has always wanted to take the time to get me completely aroused but I was usually the one to stop him. In my mind I was saying ‘It could take all night to get me to that point, I may never get there – forget about me, save/satisfy yourself!’ So I shut down. I didn’t want him to try. I barely wanted intercourse, I didn’t want him to touch my breast, absolutely no anal play, I didn’t even want to kiss. In my head I had decided I was not going to achieve orgasm and I wasn’t going to let him waste his time trying.
Slowly over the past 2 years and certainly over the last week he has convinced me he does not mind, he is enjoying it and he feels I am worth the effort. I am even beginning to believe I am worth the effort. That last night I wrote about when he insisted I pay attention to my body and talk to him really helped me begin to open up.
You are still wondering what we did that was so unusual aren’t you? I thought I would bury it so that only my real friends would read this far. Surely everyone else is bored by now. Anyway we discussed some of the thing we might want to try sometime and Nick mentioned he would like to give me an enema. I had thought about it before and as many thing as I have asked him to try I figured sure, I’m game.
I thought it would be strange but he had just the right combination of bossiness and gentleness. And something about the whole thing relaxed me more than nearly anything we have done. It somehow touched a submissive core in me that made me willing to really let down my guard completely for the first time.
Later nearly all our toys came out. He was wonderful and I had the best night ever. I felt there was nothing to hide and we were just as relaxed and happy as we have ever been. I don’t know everything we did but I know we were eventually so tangled in bed sheets and toys and chords and belts and straps that we didn’t know which way was up. I do remember when we were finally through that I sat up and said “That was so much FUN!” It was and Nick is and we are having a ball!