Eva still believes that I talk like a southern. She is not only talking about my supposed accent but the occasionally phrase I use. I once told her on the phone that if I did something my boss would “Be on me like a duck on a June bug”. For you non-southern that means he would fuss quite a bit.
Phrases have come up a bit lately because of a teacher’s aid that retired from my school this year. She has always had colorful speech but this year in anticipation of her retirement roast we began writing down some that we remembered and she was consistently giving us new ones.
These were mostly use to describe some administrators or fellow teachers or students and please understand she absolute love all the children and these were all said in fun!
* His brain is so small you could put it in a gnat’s ass and it would rattle like a BB in a matchbox.
* I’m going to hurt you so bad we will need a Willie Nelson Benefit Concert for you to pay your hospital bill.
* Isn’t he just a floatation device?
* Don’t even breathe funny or I’ll send you home faster than a cat can climb a tree.
*If that boy’s brain was gunpowder he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose.
Some of my favorites were her descriptions of the effect of those menopausal hot flashes!
*I’m sweating like a fat woman writing a love letter.
* It’s hotter than a nanny goat in a pepper patch.
*It’s so hot in here hell can’t be but half a mile away.
*I’m sweating so bad it looks like the cat’s been sucking on my hair.
* I’m sweating like a whore in church on Sunday.
I do like living it the south! I think we are so colorful!!