Why would anyone chose to have a Domestic Discipline relationship?

So often I’ve wanted to be able to ‘explain’ us. I’d dream of going on a real talk show like Oprah or Phil Donahue (showing my age with that last one.) Not one of the trashy ones, but a show that allowed the explanation of differing view without trying to tell someone that they're wrong.

I asks my sister, brother-in-law and several friends to come up with questions that they have about the lifestyle. I believe the following is a good sample of these questions and I took the time to really think them out, for myself, and here are my answers. I realize yours might be different. Also I'm writing from a woman's point of view. There are men who find themselves being spanked too. But I can only write what I know.

You are a strong competent woman – why would you want someone to control you? Woman have fought so long for freedom from male domination, how can you ask for it?

I can surely see how this would be a sticking point for many. I am a strong competent woman. I can handle anything. I pretty much did the child rearing – not that Nick didn’t help, he did. But I really wanted the job and I enjoyed it. I could get my two little ones up, dressed, fed and to school on time and me back to my school, all after Nick had left for work. 

I could handle a classroom full of eleven and twelve year children and even teach them something. I handled all this plus keeping up the house and even cooking every night back then. In addition, I took care of my parents as they aged, paying their bills, dispensing the seventeen different medicines they took at various times of the day. I made actual life and death decisions for them at times. Trust me I can do it all and I know it.

But then my parents passed away and LJ was off at college and Mollie often busy and out of the house.

You can’t imagine the luxury of not having be in charge of everything. The absolute joy of sometimes being told what to do. For me beginning this journey was like finding a soft place to land. To be told, ‘You’re tired. Go to bed now.’ To be told, ‘You have to start taking care of yourself. I expect you to go to the gym four time a week.’ To be told, ‘You’re worried and stressed and anxious. I know how to release that stress and bring your focus back to ‘us.’’

I loved being told what to do instead of having to handle everything myself. When I was told to do something that would benefit me and I didn’t do it, I would be spanked. Since I’m a lover of the lifestyle this made me feel that he was truly seeing me, I felt cared for and cherished. He loved me. He paid attention to me and he cared enough to follow through and spank me when I blew off the things I should have been doing.

Not everyone in the world feels this way of course, but spankos do! I may not have been able to explain it fully here, but TTWD made me feel more loved than anything else in my life.

Does being spanked make you think submissively i. e. you think of your spanker as a Dom and you are the submissive, or is this just a means of titillation prior to actual intercourse?

This kind of continues on with the question above. Yes, being spanked made me feel submissive, feminine, cared for, loved – it did not make me feel like less of an equal partner. Since spanko crave these feelings of submission, the ‘dom’ is fulfilling her fantasies, and often his too. And all this is often a means of titillation prior to intercourse. While the spanking itself might be a titillation for anyone, for the spanko it engages our minds, not just our bodies. And we all know the mind is the most important sex organ we have.

Why do you feel you deserved to be punished?

This is a tricky one. Many spankos never feel this way and their spankings mostly focus on sexual play or maybe stress relief. But sometimes I did crave punishment and I honestly don’t know why. For all I know it could stem from past life experiences. But I know it was part of what I wanted and I know of other here who feel the same.

Was it difficult to find the courage to reveal your fetish to your partner?

To put this in true southern vernacular – Awww… hell, yes! Damn near impossible. I live in the real world. Who wants to be spanked? Who wants their husband being telling you what to do and spanking you if you don’t do it? For hundreds of women I’ve spoken with the answer is, “Me, me! I want it!”

I was forty-nine years old and twenty-three years into my marriage before I found the courage. It was nearly the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I did it by email after I’d found the blogs and been reading for several weeks. I remember Nick reading some of the stories I’d sent him and he asked me, “Are you sure it not men writing these?” I assured him these were fantasies of women for sure.  He also pointed out before anything ever began that what might be enjoyable in fantasies in our heads might not be the same in real life. He was right – it was so much better in reality!

Most people that have a desire to be spanked know how strange this will sound to other and we certainly don’t want out husbands or lovers to see us as sick or perverted. So it can take us a long time to come out of the closet.

One thing I’d like to add here. Most of my friend did choose to come out in their forties or fifties. That’s probably a good time. I don’t suggest this type lifestyle for young couples. I feel we do need to prove to ourselves that we can take care of ourselves before we ask our significant other to take the roll. Submission is a gift you give of your own free will to someone you trust with your life. I think you have to reach a certain point in your marriage or relationship before you would have the love and trust it take to make this work.



Come back Thursday and I'll answer more of the questions I received. If you have any you've been asked and you like to discuss it here, send it on.