Trying to start a new trend

I’m going to a wedding soon. I like going to wedding. I look forward to seeing the bride and her family. I’ll see other old friends there. I’m anticipating good food, good drinks and good fellowship. But there are problems. I want to honor this young couple and their families and that means dressing appropriately. Getting down to the ugly truth, it means wearing a dress.

I hate and despise wearing dresses. I have a nice dress or two. I don’t look bad in them, but I feel as comfortable as the average man would in a dress. It’s utterly foreign to me. Basically the only reason I’m wearing the dress is pure peer pressure, (that’s what the other girls will be wearing.) Grrr….

But, fine, I’ll wear a dress. That not even the trend I’m trying to change. I’ll put on the uncomfortable bra, I’ll stuff myself into a pair of spanx and I’ll be presentable. Except, except … why in the hell to I have to wear shoes?

I personally think all shoes should be outlawed unless you have to go out and it’s cold. The only exceptions should be for tennis shoes or sandals – the soft flip-flop kind. My problem is that neither of these is suitable for wedding attire.

When you wear pants you can get away with nearly any type shoe. But with a darn dress that doesn’t work. I can’t wear shoes without socks or hose. I don’t own a pair of hose at the moment and I’m guessing the socks wouldn’t add to the overall classy look I’m going for. And then there are the shoes themselves. I’m short, I’d love to wear heels – they make your legs look longer and sexy.

But the last time I wore a pair of beautiful, sexy stilettos was over thirty-five years ago. I could get a new pair, but I don’t think falling down and breaking my neck at the wedding will add to the classy feel either.

I went shoe shopping this past weekend – I found nothing. I know the size I wear in a comfortable, firmly ties tennis shoe. But in a dress shoe? It’s not even close to the same. I’ll be looking again later this week. 

Do you think there’s a chance I could get Nick to switch outfits with me? I’ll get a nice man’s suit. I’ll deal with wearing a tie and Nick could wear the bra, the panty hose, the spanx, the dress and the stilettos. I know he’s be as comfortable in them as I would be.

I’m just griping for effect. I really am looking forward to the wedding – and getting to see everyone. Nick and I are going to make a whole festive weekend of it. And I promise to look appropriate. But I am having a pedicure just before we go – just in case I decide to show up barefoot, that’s the new trend I’m going for.