I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Do you want to be Spanked?

Amy thought it would be fun to repost our most viewed post. I got to flip back through eleven years I was anxious to see what had been viewed the most and I was very pleased.  This is one of my favorites and I think it says exactly what I wanted to say. I hope you'll enjoy. Thanks for the idea Amy!

I am fortunate to have many friends that email me. Many of these friends don’t have blogs and are in various stages of introducing spanking into their relationship, some successfully and others not so much. I know from experience that often vanillas just don’t understand and boy do I know that it is hard to explain it to someone you love. It took me over twenty-three years to even get up the nerve to try. It’s been almost two wonderful years now but I still struggle to get him to understand at time.

So I am writing a letter to your men if they haven’t gotten it yet. Now I know we don’t live in a one size fits all world but from all I’ve felt and all I’ve read this will ring true for many of us.

Dear guys,

After years of knowing that she has this need, your wife/girlfriend/lover finally told you she wants to be spanked. I am guessing that at best you were surprised especially if you have been together twenty years or more. You may think it’s a passing whim. You may think it is just a random fantasy that has run through her mind; something best left as a fantasy not something she would like in real life. Plus you love this woman and you have no desire to hurt her. 

Then listen to me (because your wife/girlfriend may be too shy or embarrassed to say it again). This is NOT something that just came up She has probably had this need since childhood. Please trust your lover, if she says she wants to be spanked – SHE DOES! 

Yes, she understands that this sounds strange to you. No, she does not understand why she is this way. Please stop trying to figure out why and just DO IT! If you do I can almost promise you that your sex life will reach heights that you never imagined. Ours did. I went from being fairly cold toward sex to someone will to try anything my husband or I can dream up. 

It’s okay to start slow. I know you aren't sure what she wants. You may even be embarrassed (but not as embarrassed as she was to ask). Start with your hand, a small paddle ball paddle or maybe a paint stirrer. From my experience and those of many of my friends, she will much more likely be wanting ‘longer’ and ‘harder’ spanking rather than asking you to be more gentle. Remember anyone from vanilla to hard core can always enjoy a romantic, erotic spanking. This may be all she wants. 


But if your wife/lover tells you she wants discipline that’s different. Discipline – that is a trickier subject. You will need to do more talking if this is something she wants. If the need for discipline in her life is ‘her thing’ it’s always going to be there whether you indulge it or not. If you are willing to try this, again – go slow. Pick a few things to work on together. I got my husband hooked by asking him to help me make the changes and choices to become healthier and lose weight.

It was rocky at first. I would mess up and he didn’t want to spank. He wanted to let it go or make excuses for me. I hated that and it hurt my feelings. I didn’t feel cared for or protected and I guess that is what we are looking for. 

Although I know he did not mean to send this message this is the one I heard – 

“Sure I care but not that much. You are a big girl. If you know you need to do something and you chose not to that is your business. But you are on your own because I find all this confusing and you're just not worth the effort.” 

Fellows, I like I said, I know this is not the message you are trying to send to the woman you love. But to the spanko mind this is what comes through. When my husband did start getting it and a couple of times spanked me hard with the hairbrush for over indulging and slacking off on my exercise, I got a whole other message. 

“You are my wife. I love you, I love you way too much to allow you to disregard our agreement on the best way for you to improve your health and put yourself in jeopardy. I care enough about you to put some boundaries and guidelines around you to keep you safe. And yes I will wear you out if necessary to show you just how serious I am about my love for you.” 

Nothing in my life has made me feel more loved, cherished, cared for or happy than for him to show his love for me in this way. 

Alright fellows – I’m talking to you! If your wife or girlfriend handed you this or directed you here she agrees with me. Listen please. She is serious. This is a very important part of her life. She loves you so much or she would never have shared her secret with you. If you love her enough to give it a try she will test you some to see if you will be consistent and take this seriously. It’s all part of the learning together. But it is worth it, I promise you – it’s worth it.

Email if you have questions, I may not have any answers for you but I would still like to hear what you're wondering about. elisspeaks@yahoo.com


  1. Hi PK, this is such an awesome post! I think you explain the need, and what goes through our minds extremely well.


  2. hi Pk, this is an awesome post, I can't do this post I am technologically challenged!
    love Jan, xx

  3. PK, this post says it all. I have never read it before and am so glad you have shared it with us all again. I think that reading these type of explanations really helped Sam to understand me. And, yes, it was all worth it in the end. We will never go back.


  4. Anonymous11:55 AM

    My gf at the time while making love enjoyed how I lightly spanked her bottom when she would slow down. I would give her love taps in public and she would act like it really hurt. It was not until a camping trip, we thought secluded that she got her wish. Evening around the fire and she came out of the tent naked, smiling, and I just got up and soon had her across my lap and soon her bottom was a nice shade of red. She danced around after that spanking, not so hard she said, I smiled. I enjoyed it and when on that trip she was skinny dipping I used that as an excuse to give her another spanking. It was the walk back to the camp, a couple of young ladies walking towards us, smiled, my gf wanted to hide, I said show them your bottom and she did. Nice job they said to me and continued walking past. At the campsite I heard about it and she did not like it. I just said want another trip over my lap, she started rubbing her bottom and said, No, but she went over again. I remind her she wanted to be spanked, and she just gives me that look. Being married, the spankings continue and sometimes not always I tell her to get to the bedroom and she is laying on the bed when I get there.

  5. PK,
    I liked this letter. Very well written.

  6. My blog is being worked on and hopefully will be back to normal by the first of the week - fingers crossed please. So we're answer comments old school

    Roz - This was from 2009 and I had spent a lot of time trying to explain myself.

    Jan - If I can do it ANYONE can. I'll email you, then you can try it if you want to.

    Ella - Yes, so worth it. I always hoped that new folks could be helped by some post like this.

    Anon - She seems to enjoy it so I'm happy for you. As long as you are really communicating well.

    Thanks, Baker.

  7. I thought I'd come to the wrong place. I like this colour.

    You really did a god job with this letter. I think it would have helped some.


  8. Excellent post, PK, deserves its top spot.
    Rosie xx

  9. Ronnie - It makes me feel like I'm away from home too. I hope it will be back to normal soon.

    Rosie - Thanks friend, it was heart-felt.

  10. Takes me back to early days trying to explain the unexplainable to my hubby. I'm still not sure I ever got it right. lol

  11. Penelope - Me either! I'm still trying to explain at time, but I'm not sure he's ever going to know what's in my head.

  12. I hadn't read this post before. I'm glad I got to read this now. So thanks to Amy for suggesting a re-post too!

  13. Anonymous8:51 AM

    Mary, what woman would not want to be spanked, its a girl thing. I will have to admit the best spanking was not from a male, but a female. Spring break visiting my room mates mother, told the rules, spanking was mentioned. Well we broke the cardinal rule of coming home late, and added to the fact we had a little too much to drink. Her mother look when we got home, we knew we were in trouble, told to go to bed. Late the next morning, we slept until about eleven, standing in the kitchen, jammies and we scolded. Thinking that was all, the look on our faces when told take the jammies off, her voice was stern, we did as told. I watched as she gave her daughter a sound spanking and knew I was next. Over this woman's lap I squirmed, pleaded, and finally danced around the room afterwards. We were told to get cleaned up and dressed we both got in the shower, the cool water cooling are red bottoms. We rubbed another bottom and admired how red they were.
    It was the best spanking ever and it had to be a female.

  14. Fondles - I'm so glad you came by to read.

    Anon - I know many women who want to be spanked by other women. It was never one of my fantasies but I've read some great fantasy stories about this. Glad you came by.

  15. Anonymous9:25 AM

    Mary, to find a man who could truly satisfy us is hard, no pun intended. Females teach the males and so why not enjoy instead of teach. I found older women really know how to give a lasting spanking and don't care when or where it happens. I live in an apartment, during the summer the pool is available. I recalled a middle age woman made comments about my suit or lack of. I came back with some cute remark and she just took my arm and said we need to have a talk and in front of those there spanked my bottom and then while still applying her hand took me to her apartment. Talk about an otk bare bottom spanking, I will never forget it, but on the same hand wish not to experience it again. It was not only the spanking, but standing the corner, and then she took me shopping for a new bathing suit. In the dressing room another woman notice my redness and this woman said, a mother's hand was required. The lady said her suit or lack of, she said yes. I felt foolish but said nothing. A couple of days later at the pool, people knew I was spanked and admired my new suit.

  16. Excellent post, PK!:) I can see why it is regularly read. Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

  17. I remember this post and like it as much now as I did when I first read it. :-) Hugs