Thursday, March 30, 2017

Roz's other questing


I'm happy to have these questions to answer. If someone asks something I don't want to answer, I won't. But if I choose to answer I'm going to be honest and here goes.  Roz's last question was:

Is Nick helping you with your health goals?



Hmmm… no. Well sorta, maybe. He means to I think, and there have been a few spankings. But, being honest, I have to say, no. I missed my first goal. Close, but didn’t get there. We had an afternoon date for some fun time already planned and when he mentioned a spanking for not making my goal I told him, I understood, but that I hoped it wouldn’t have to get mingled with our fun time already scheduled.

I was expecting that spanking to come later in the day, after our ‘date’ or perhaps he next day. But nothing, I guess he decided to let it go – which is about the worst thing that can happen in TTWD. We talk about communication here on the blogs and over the past ten years one thing I think I’ve communicated thoroughly by email, in multiple posts and by looking him right in the eye and saying it – I do not like to mix fun, sexy spankings and discipline spankings. I know this will never be real for Nick, I get that. To him TTWD is, and will always be, a game leading to sex. For me that’s a lovely twenty-five percent of it.

However, for me to feel completely safe, secure, protected, understood – I need that other seventy-five percent. He has spanked me to help me ‘remember’ and I appreciate it. But I’m afraid it was the equivalent of a ‘bam, slam, thank-you ma’am’ spanking. It was out of the blue, I was in the middle of writing – my head quite far away. I was surprised but willing. It’s just that I had no time to get my mind involved and for me, a spanking where my mind is not involved is much like sex with no touching. Spanking over, he was gone with the briefest of hugs and little to no conversation.

I don’t mind the impromptu spankings – seriously, the man needs to walk around with a paddle in his pocket for the millions of little things I seem to do, or not do, daily. The quick impromptu spankings can be so useful for the little things. Unfortunately, Nick doesn't embrace the lifestyle. He doesn’t think like a spanker. He doesn’t look for or see obvious reasons to spank. Last year, we agreed I should have a minimum of 3000 steps by four o’clock daily – good general rule. Has he check or asked me about it in the last six month? No. The other night I left my keys in the door, I used to do this a lot, but rarely anymore. Did he spank? Hell, no. Just said “Be careful, you left your keys in the door again.” What kind of spanker doesn’t find that as an excuse for a quick spanking? (No I wasn’t testing him, I think I came in with my hands full and really forgot.) That’s when you use the ‘blam, slam, thank-you ma’am’ spanking – for things I just choose not to do or carelessly forget.

But for the things he thinks are really important, things like missing my goal, those spankings need to be different. How much more effective it would have been if he’d taken a moment earlier in the day to email or text something like, “You’re not doing what we talked about. Be in the bedroom waiting for me at four o'clock and we’ll discuss it further.” I would have had time to think, to look inward and see what had kept me from getting there, time to contemplate what was coming, time for TTWD to be real for me for just a little while.

Written by PK at 6:00 PM

20 comments

20 Comments:

At 2:26 AM, Blogger an English Rose said...

Hi Pk, I feel exactly like you, life is frustrating....
love Jan, xx

 
At 5:01 AM, Blogger Roz said...

Hi PK, thank you so much for answering my question, I truly appreciate your thoughtful and honest reply.

I remember Nick agreeing to help you with your goals and I'm sorry it hasn't been the case, in the way that you needed.

I nodded reading this and can relate to many of your points. Not mixing fun and discipline spankings, having to have your mind involved and spankings for things important to him having to be different. I know for me those things, along with inconsistency caused confusion and frustration on my part.

Hugs
Roz

 
At 8:07 AM, Blogger Baker said...

PK,
It is confusing when he doesn't respond like you had hoped. I wish all of the Hoh's would just get it.
--Baker

 
At 9:35 AM, Blogger Leigh Smith said...

Hon, he is what he is and loves you. He tries his best but his 'thing' is not yours As you said, it's a game before sex.

 
At 10:40 AM, Blogger Katie said...

I'm sorry that things haven't been working out the way that you want them to on this, PK. As you write about it all, I too always see that love that Nick has for you, and that he tries. He did agree to help you with your health issues. I so hope, with all my heart,that it all becomes more of what you envision in the future. Many hugs and love,

<3 Katie

 
At 12:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm - I may be totally wrong here, but since it popped into my head and is still there hours later, I'll tell you. If I'm wrong, just ignore it.
It seems to me that you have a very clear "vision" how things should go.
Nick is not into it - he still agreed to help you. You didn't reach your goal - even though you were close - and he didn't let it go, but stepped up and promised you a spanking.
Instead of agreeing you told him, but not when we have our fun time.
A spanker would either have told you, fun time will be rescheduled, because this comes first or he would've done both in whatever order he preferred.
Nick is not into it, so maybe he heard, okay she doesn't want it, she wants the fun time. I like that better anyway. There goes your spanking...
As I said I may be wrong here and I hope I didn't offend you...

Since it's still March and if I'm allowed I too have a question - actually have it for some time. Given your talk of retirement I always pictured you older and was quite surprised to read that you're retired and then turned sixty. Is that the usual age for teachers in the US to retire? Because over here (Germany) they have to work longer or lose some of their pension.

 
At 3:27 PM, Blogger PK said...

Anon, you are welcome to come by and ask questions anytime. I think you may be right about how Nick viewed the whole situation. I love him so much and I know he tries, but not being a born spanko he just can't see it from my side.

Actually I'm very late for a retired teacher. Most teachers retire at 53. We get our full retirement after 30 years. If you graduate from college at 22 and go right to work - that's 53. I started late, at 31. To get full retirement I had to teach the full 30 years or be 60. I made it 28 year and retired the day after I turned 60.

I hope you'll come by and visit again.

 
At 4:10 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Jan. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

 
At 4:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for answering. That's quite interesting. In Germany you have to work until you're 65 (they're talking about changing that to 67 or even 70).
Also we're older when we start teaching. I was quick in studying, so I finished university at 25 - then you have 2 years of apprenticeship (they shortened that to 1,5) so I was 27 when I started teaching as a regular teacher. Still I have to work longer than 30 years (or have less of a pension). That being said a number of people don't work until 65 here as well.

 
At 4:15 PM, Blogger PK said...

I'm so grateful that our husbands love us and are at least willing to try, but yes - sometimes they do cause confusion and frustration.

 
At 4:17 PM, Blogger PK said...

Wouldn't that be wonderful!

 
At 4:19 PM, Blogger PK said...

I know, I know - but here is where I come to vent about it. And I try not to do it too often.

 
At 4:21 PM, Blogger PK said...

Who knows what is to come? He does love me and I do love him. I would love for TTWD to work for us like it does for some others, but so far it hasn't.

 
At 7:41 PM, Blogger Eva said...

I'd say tell him, but I know you have over and over again... at least in your head. I just wish.. well.. never mind what I wish. Enjoy what comes your way and come here to vent about the rest!!

 
At 1:17 AM, Blogger lindy thomas said...

PK I can truly relate to your answer to Roz's questions. Life can be frustrating at times.

Hugs Lindy xx

 
At 8:07 AM, Blogger PK said...

I know but there are so many time I just want to quit completely. Bouncing from hopeful to disappointment is taxing.

 
At 8:09 AM, Blogger PK said...

This does add frustration in our lives. But sometime the hope of this part of my life getting better really keeps me going.

 
At 9:14 PM, Blogger Cat said...

Awww PK...I am sorry that you were disappointed in the way Nick has reacted. I don't have any words of wisdom so will just say...sending lots of positive energy and good thoughts your way.

Hugs and blessings...Cat

 
At 9:20 PM, Blogger PK Corey said...

We're happy and that's what counts. Can't expect everything to be perfect.

 
At 7:48 AM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

I understand...it is hard when our loving men don't think in the way we hope... hugs

 

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