Wednesday, May 13, 2015

The way it is

I know some of you want to hear what’s going on here. But I’m torn with what to post right now. This is my on line diary so I write for me, but I really like people to come by to read so I write for you too. Having people come by and read and comment is how I’ve learned as much about myself as I have over the years.

I have learned enough about writing so that I could spin the actual facts in a couple of different ways. I could make this a happy, up beat post about what happened Friday before last. Nick, at my request, had asked me to begin keeping a list like Katie’s.  Nothing too major on it, I kept forgetting some file folders Nick asked me to bring home from school, leaving my dish out on the counter when the dishwasher was empty right beneath it. That Friday he spent a little time clearing the list. He didn’t spank long, but it was impressive and fun – I could feel it for a while.  I could elaborate here and that could be the whole post. But that wouldn’t be honest about what’s going on in my world.

Over this last week and a half he has had me put a few things on the list, actually nothing in the past week – maybe about eight days ago. But despite the fact we’ve had plenty of time and opportunity nothing else happened. And now Mollie is home indefinitely, so…

I try to tell myself, ‘stop being impatient, let Nick lead, let him chose the timing.’ Fine, okay – only it seems that his time line is to ignore anything to do with spanking until I completely withdraw or post something extremely whiny here. Then he might read and sends me some interesting emails, spanks a little, get my hopes up, then nothing.


We began nine years ago with a great bond fire that eventually settled into a nice pleasant backyard fire pit fire. Then more recently it’s burned down to embers and it seems to be cooling fast. When I complain Nick bends down and briefly blows on the on the embers and then lets them die until I complain again. I feel at times like just pouring a bucket of water on the whole things and being done with it. And by 'it' I mean the spanking part of our lives - our love for each other and and our marriage is completely solid. 



When it come to my desire/need/longing for spanking and the closeness that come when we're really 'into' it, I don’t know the best way to live – hope followed by disappoint followed by hope…

Or accepting that it was worth a try but it’s never going to happen.

I’m not going to belabor this. I’m not going to fuss and complain here (for a while). I’ll talk about other things, but I wanted you to know what’s going on here.

Written by PK at 6:00 PM

26 comments

26 Comments:

At 1:35 AM, Blogger Cat said...

Sorry you and Nick are not in the place, spanking-wise, that you want to be. Sending lots of positive energy that the embers re-ignite and you soon have a lovely bonfire!

Hugs and blessings...Cat

 
At 5:23 AM, Blogger Roz said...

PK, I'm so sorry things aren't where you want them to be and really hope the flames are rekindled soon.

Hugs
Roz

 
At 6:52 AM, Blogger an English Rose said...

Oh PK, I'm really sorry that things aren't really where you want them to be. I don't suppose it's perfect anywhere but it must be hard to keep on trying. I hope things pick up a bit soon
love Jan,xx

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger Leigh Smith said...

I sure understand this post. I have no advice or suggestions.

 
At 11:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

PK, I'm sorry too that things aren't going how you need them to right now. I don't have any suggestions either but don't lose hope, keep on talking or e-mailing.

Rosie x

 
At 12:08 PM, Blogger Blondie said...

PK, Just a thought, and I may be totally wrong here. Maybe Nick doesn't think that you need the spankings. Ty gets that way. He thinks that I look like everything is fine and he will overlook things (like the dishes) because he thinks that I am in a good place and he doesn't want to "rock the boat". He has never really liked being a disciplinarian spanker and that is why any kind of spanking results in sex (he is a spanko). Just a thought.
Hugs to you

 
At 3:49 PM, Blogger ronnie said...

Hey PK,

Sorry things aren't where you would like them to be. I just wish I had some ideas, suggestions or advice for you.

Love and hugs,
Ronnie
xx

 
At 6:04 PM, Blogger Downunder Don said...

Hi PK,
I think Blondie has made a good point. Mumski and I are in a similar place where we do not do "discipline" spanking, just for the joy of it. If you can not make a regular time, hard I know with Molly at home, you may need to be a little more up front. We have agreed on a set of signals, visual as well as verbal, that smack me in the head and remind me that it is not just about the physical spanking but the fun and joy of the act and consequences after.

We mens are not usually attuned to subtle signals and sometime need overt reminders that spankings are required not just for punishment, but also just because. Maybe Nick just needs constant reminders.

 
At 8:09 PM, Blogger PK said...

I appreciate you as a friend - I'm not worrying about it. What will be will be.

 
At 8:09 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks Roz, I'm not sure what I want.

 
At 8:13 PM, Blogger PK said...

Jan it helps that people understand, no I don't think anyone has it perfect, but you still look around and see that other have what you want.

 
At 8:18 PM, Blogger PK said...

I know that you and I are in nearly exactly the same boat. I have no doubt our men love us - but they do not understand our needs and I'm afraid they never will.

 
At 8:18 PM, Blogger PK said...

It's not exactly losing hope, but I may have to find another dream.

 
At 8:26 PM, Blogger PK said...

Nick has never spanked for any reason other than I've asked him too. There is no discipline, no reality to it at all. In our history I've asked for spanking for tons of reasons - for most of the time Nick only spanks when he wants sex. There is nothing wrong with that except I need more.

 
At 8:26 PM, Blogger PK said...

Ronnie, I'm not so much down as just telling everyone what's going on.

 
At 8:28 PM, Blogger PK said...

Don, I've always wanted some discipline - the idea appeals to me, can't tell you about reality. I've shared with him for nine years that I like to be spanked often, for just about any reason he could come up with. I email him, I blog and yes I've even broken down and told him. It doesn't take.

 
At 8:23 AM, Blogger Florida Dom said...

I wish he would spank you more -- maybe make it a daily ritual before you go to bed -- but that's not him so it is what it is.

FD

 
At 1:21 PM, Anonymous Kate said...

My situation sounds similar to yours in that my husband only thinks of spanking when he's ready for sex. I guess that means he's just doing it for me, although if he does some lecturing I usually hear about things I've done that he didn't like. I've told him I'd like him to discipline right at the time my attitude or behavior gets to him (we have no kids in the house anymore), but that NEVER happens.
Try to take heart with the fact that he did do the Friday spankings for a while and consented to doing this list thing. My guy would flat out say that he didn't intend to keep up with lists.
You've probably been through times like this before and he may yet surprise you. Just be caring and playful as much as you can and it may get him in the mood. Good luck.

 
At 1:57 PM, Blogger Terpsichore said...

I understand and I empathize as you know we have similar experiences with our husbands. I have no answers, clearly, or I would not be sitting here spank free for an entire month... Sending a hug. If you ever need to chat give a call...certainly would not mind venting myself to a friend who understands... Just know you are not alone in your feelings...and I feel for you...

 
At 7:43 PM, Blogger PK said...

Thanks for the thought FD - no it won't ever happen, he not that interested in spanking.

 
At 7:50 PM, Blogger PK said...

Kate, to me just spanking when he wants sex is only spanking when there is something HE wants. I long for the discipline and the caring of what that means to me.

He did do Fridays for a while and I was the one to balk, but I apologized and tried to get it back with mixed results. As for the list he doesn't keep up with it - I do. All he says is put it on the list and I keep it on my phone.

 
At 7:57 PM, Blogger PK said...

I know we are in the same boat. It's just not fair - think of all the men would would LOVE to turn their wives up and spank then and we're following our men around with our tongues hanging out begging.

 
At 7:22 AM, Blogger Ami Starsong said...

Bloody hell, PK, are we married to the same man?

When I mope about and get snarky I feel I am doing nothing but push, but other than that, if I make suggestions, or go and ask Dan to spank me, I feel uneasy and uncomfortable, as if I shouldn't be doing it. So I virtually sit on my hands and wait and hope, and then things get too much and 'bitch troll' surfaces - which Dan absolutely hates, and I then feel very contrite and sad about, as he doesn't deserve it. So then he hammers me. And then I don't like it and find it very hard to take. But I realise I can't have it both ways. Such a conundrum.

I love sexy spankings the most, and am now encouraging them. I think deep down I couldn't be happy if it was all discipline and no sexy spankings, and also, I love the way spanking me nearly always leads to sex - regardless. I need the hugs, love and reassurance of that.

It does get tiring though, and I don't know the real answer. I wish there was a 'spanking trainer' in real life I could ask for suggestions. I feel sometimes that I have tried everything. Perhaps I don't really know what I want. I should hate to ruin what we have, and I don't want to change him. We have such a good solid marriage and these days the spanking gives us both such excitement and joy. It's just that, like you, I should like a little more, a little extra, a little pushing past my limits. Ah well. I am good at being patient. Your above comment to Terps made me smile and nod my head in agreement.

We'll just soldier on.

Hugs
Ami

 
At 9:30 AM, Blogger Katie said...

BIG HUGS to you, PK!!! Sorry to be so late here. I just returned yesterday from being with Mom, and it was a very tough week for me there, so I really was not around the land much. Though I would love to be...

I am sorry that things are tough for you with all the on again, off again stuff with the spanking. <3 !!! You have the list thing started, which may be helpful. IDK... Here is the thing for me with that darn list- I often will say to Rob, "Honey, can we clear the list?" if I feel like I need attention before it occurs to him to take care of the list. Other times, I will ask him if we can get it over with- the list clearing. So that, in a way is encouragement to do some spanking. Is it what people call topping from the bottom? IDK. We just do it all our way. He always has the choice to spank or not in the end, and on my end, but let's just say that when I feel the need for some spanky action, and am not sure if he will be passing it out, even though it is hard to do it, I will ask him. It is my coming and going, and the possibility that the going will be without that spanking stuff that does seem helpful, that has led me to do more of this kind of thing recently... I try to tell him what I need. Life does get in the way often.

You will now be thinking, well... Rob is a spanky one to start. And yes, he is. He likes it now, and has found it very useful in so many ways. But it has taken about three years of regular stuff to get to where we are. And again really, there is lots of talking about it all, feedback, and it has made a difference. I know that you had the Friday spankings going and that sounded really great. Then I think that you mentioned that you told Nick that you didn't want one and it kind of fizzled out? That is a hard thing with it- as Ami mentioned because it is one thing to ask for spankings, but when the implement is in the hand, and you are requested to bare your bottom for the spanking and get into position, it is in a spanking moment that one can often wonder why in the world would they want to do it. It is a huge conundrum...! I've always likened that to running. Great results and feel good- AFTER the run. Once you have Nick spanking at those times, it is indeed hard to take the spanking at times. Maybe do some more soul searching and try to figure out what you really would like to have.

So, I guess the thing that I want to say to you is if it is something that you need, don't give up the ship. Keep talking to Nick about it all. Let the chips fall where they may without expectations. That is something that I did from the start. Anything will be good because it is a start of you and Nick moving forward from this day. Does that make sense?

I hope that I am helpful here. At the same time I feel bad because I want all my friends who want this kind of thing/ttwd to have it too. I wish that things would swiftly work out just how you would like them to. I wish I could wave a wand and help Nick get more spanky. I feel lucky that Rob happened to take to it all. I am very grateful. You know mostly it is fun stuff... And we laugh, but he does do the other as well. I don't know why it worked out... But it takes both of us to keep it going as we would like it to. That I am convinced of. It isn't always easy. I am thinking of you and sending love and hugs! I'm just home yesterday as I was kicked out to go on another work adventure with Rob. Very hard to leave Mom, but I am going... Fingers crossed... So not sure if I have much time to catch up much yet... I wanted to stop by here and be helpful. Sorry if it is a bit jumbled. Hopefully I was a bit... Feel good!

<3 Katie

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger PK said...

We may be married to the same man – does he disappear for long periods and come home speaking with a slight American accent?

I don’t go into bitch troll – I’ve never been like that. I internalize everything, get my feelings hurt and just sit and quietly nurse those feelings.
I too love sexy spankings but with none of the other kind at all it doesn’t work for me. It’s like I’ve ask please for him to do A, B and C all equally important in my life and he will only do C because it lets him have sex.

I don’t want to change Nick either – except when I do want to. Sigh…

 
At 12:30 PM, Blogger PK said...

Katie,
Nick is such a good guy. I think he would spank me nearly any time I asked, just as he would flip the light switch if I asked. It’s just that sometimes either request would receive the same emotion. You say it’s taken three years – we’ve been at it for nine. Whatever…
My annoyances are very minor – you just concentrate on your mom and the rest of your family. And you know one of these days we need to just get together in person, maybe sit by a pool with a drink and hash out all the problems of the world. Of course there are lots of problems, we may need someone else around to give us a hand.

 

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