I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, May 12, 2014

Does anyone have a solution?

I got an email from Nick Friday, it wasn’t sexy or funny, it was serious and concerned. He’s worried about me and truth be told I’m worried about myself. I guess if I went back and checked I think I would find two main themes on New Beginning – spanking, closely followed by weigh problems. My weigh is going up, not down.

Nick told/ask me to rejoin the gym about a month ago and to go at least twice a week. I have. I’ve gained four pound in the last two weeks. Nick was worried I’d feel ‘picked on’ by his email and that wasn’t the case. I’ve never felt Nick equated my weight to my appearance, my desirability or anything of this nature. But he is worried about diabetes, joint pain and damage, and my high blood pressure. I am too.

I can’t seem to get it together. I wake up thinking, “I’m going to start fresh today. Eat sensibly, work hard at the gym and get to bed at a reasonable time.” Then someone on our hall brings donuts or cake. There’s candy in our boxes for teacher appreciation. By three o’clock I’m hoping for the energy to make it to my car, much less the gym. And sometimes my knees hurt so bad it's hard to make myself hit the gym. Yet I know the only way my knees will feel better is to lose the weight. I always say it will be better in the summer time. But I never seem to make that come true.

The only time I’ve been able to lose weight in the last thirty years was the first two years we began TTWD. I was so excited my secret was finally out, I wanted to change, to improve. I’d ask for Nick’s help and it was so new and exciting to him he jumped right on it. I don't think he believes spanking actually helps anymore. He might be right, I just don't know. He hasn't completely stopped, I mean he’s more than happy to spank me as foreplay, but that’s usually it.

Maybe Nick feels about spanking for this kind of thing the way I feel about the gym. I go three or four time and I don’t see any real difference, because – face it you have to work at it hard and consistently for a period of time for any true difference to be realized. He spanks once or twice doesn’t see any real difference in my attitude or habits and just stops.

Spanking will not cause me to lose weight. Spanking, in itself, will not make me go to the gym and work hard. But being spanked often – whether it’s the endorphins, the physical contact with Nick, the spark in the fantasy side of my brain, or just the knowledge that he is thinking of me and willing to take the time to do this for me, lifts some of this ‘I just don’t care’ attitude. It makes me feel happy and powerful – when we first began, it gave me the strength to turn down Krispy Kreme!

Maybe this is just one more excuse – ‘I could do better in Nick spanked me more often, there for it’s Nick’s fault.’ THIS IS NOT NICK’S FAULT! I know that. I make the decision what to eat and how much to exercise – me, that’s 100 percent on me.

I’d still like Nick to give it a try though, maybe a week or two where he spanked daily or almost. Each time giving me just a tad more than he thinks I can take. He goes to work incredible early, I know he doesn’t have much time, but that would be a great time for me, waking up to a stinging ass, laying there planning out my day with that on my mind.  Mollie’s home for a week, but as bad as it is the damn cane is very quiet.  And if I’m asking him to take three to four extra minutes in the morning and I’m paying with gym time or riding the bike for thirty minutes, isn’t he really getting off easy?

I’m going to keep going to the gym. I’m going to keep riding the bike and I’m going to ask Nick to read this. I’m just hoping for an enthusiasm boost from him, because honestly I don’t know what else to try.


52 comments:

  1. Hugs PK. I hope Nick reads this and understands your struggle and how he may be able to help you. Good on you for persevering with the gym.

    ((Hugs))
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Roz,I'm going, I'm going - but I really don't want to.

      Delete
  2. PK,
    I've been down this route so often, the only thing I can say is persevere.
    You WILL succeed.
    Love and arm hugs,
    Paul.

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    Replies
    1. Paul, I've been down it to and so far I've never made it.

      Delete
  3. I have so been there, and know it is so hard. The end of the school year is so stressful...hand in there. Have you tried counting calories,,,it is what got me started. It is easier than it used to be, there are places on line where you just put in what you eat and they do the calculation...portion size counts! I started with 1200....maybe Nick can promise you 1 swipe with the cane for every calorie over your set goal. Just a suggestion....hang in there..
    hugs abby

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    Replies
    1. Abby, I really do need to watch the amount I eat. But I'm not good at sticking to a rule and Nick never checks behind me at all.

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  4. I hope Nick does get on board and help you get motivated. Have you spoken to your Dr? Maybe if you take meds there is a weight gain side effect? Good luck, set small goals and stick to them, you can do it :)

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    1. Yep, I've just been to the doc. Blood work was fine. I'm on BP meds and something for heartburn. One part of me really, really want's him to help and the other hopes he'll ignore it so I can.

      Delete
  5. You are preaching to the choir here as you well know. I've crossed that line and if you don't want to you know what you have to do. It's so easy to get into bad habit and tough as hell to break them. Good luck.

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    Replies
    1. Sunny,
      I know you understand. I just want to wave a magic wand and be back to my proper weight. Then I swear I'll work to keep it.

      Delete
  6. Jillie10:33 AM

    The gym will not necessarily help you lose weight but it will give you strength and help redefine your body WALK, buy a pedometer and try to walk a few more steps each day and that will start to move the weight. Also just write down in a small book EVERYTHING that passes through your lips each day!!! and that will shock you and make you realise that it is what goes in that puts the weight on - my Dr told me that one!!! Most of us. have all been there - I still have about 12 lbs to move so I know. Best of luck.

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    1. Jillie, I know you are right. I'm really bad at writing things down. I've tried, but if I grab cookie, or a piece of candy I feel bad and don't write it down. It's just that I have so much to lose, fifty pounds would be perfect.

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  7. SG is right, so easy to get into bad habits but not damn easy to break.

    Gym is not enough, you need to watch the calories.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    Replies
    1. I know Ronnie. Snacking is on of my favorite hobbies. Not a good one though.

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  8. Anonymous10:58 AM

    I know how you feel. I tried it all also or thought I did. Just last week the routine blood test showed so issues so I really tried eating no sugar and less carbs. Diabetes is lurking. So keep that in mind. A spanking suggestion also, try good girl spankings for going to the gym, watching your weight, etc.

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    Replies
    1. Anon,
      I do feel diabetes breathing down my neck. I think spanking could help me somehow, but I don't know exactly.

      Delete
  9. Anonymous11:40 AM

    Hi PK

    It's so hard dieting and going to the gym alone. Have you thought about going to a weight loss group and/or classes at the gym? Both worked for me.

    Here's another thought. Spanking makes me happy and it sounds as if it does the same for you. How about asking Nick to spank you as a reward for losing weight and going to the gym, rather than as a punishment for not doing those things? Reward spankings are my favourite kind, still ouchy but a lot of fun too!

    Rosie x

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    Replies
    1. Rosie,
      I've tried WW meetings - after teaching all day they were just so darn perky I couldn't take it.

      The reward spanking makes SO much sense, but somehow that doesn't work for me. I do so much better with the stick than the carrot. I don't know why. But there is something deep in my mind that that equates discipline and punishment with true caring. May be warped, but that's me.

      Delete
  10. Anonymous11:45 AM

    Oh! I see another Anonymous has suggested spanking as a reward too. Two heads are better than one - give it a try!

    Rosie x

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  11. There is a no sugar 10 day challenge I am doing. It may help. I have been great since Easter but have not lost one pound. Maybe we can help each other again... Motivation to exercise is so hard for me now. You seem to have that part going!
    Someone told me that you have to change the intensity of your workout throughout. Hope Nick helps, I know a sore butt would motivate me!

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    Replies
    1. Minelle,
      A sore butt is my only real motivation. I know I wouldn't do a no sugar challenge or something to really difficult. I just need to be reasonable.

      Delete
  12. Hi PK, Oh gosh I feel like I am eating everything in sight too. A few years back I went to Slimming World and lost three stone. Do you have clubs like that where you are. If not maybe I will pop over and make a fortune . I don't think going to the gym which you hate will help actually. Maybe do something a bit more fun or just walk more will help with that. I was keeping a food diary recently and hubby was checking it and reacting accordingly but I seem to heave just let that dwindle and like Nick,John has ignored it. It is really hard and I do think that when I am really happy with work and stuff I can manage better . Are you a comfort eater like me? Any stress leads me to the biscuit barrel. I hope Nick reads your post and can come up with a few ideas for you
    lots of sympathy
    Jan,xx

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    Replies
    1. Jan,
      I'm an annoyed eater at school and a comfort eater at home - that takes care of most of my waking hours. Come on over to set up the Slimming World. I've paid the gym for 3 months. We'll see after that.

      Delete
  13. I understand the struggle. You know that I do. I am happy to be support if you wish to check in with one another again. I have been tracking everything I eat as well as exercise and trying to make small achievable goals. Being mindful of what I eat and writing it down seems to be key for me along with the exercise. I am still trying to find balance, an ever challenging struggle. Having support from your husband and people around you I believe is also important. I like the idea of spankings as rewards - perhaps your husband would respond to that. Wishing you success - you will get there. We both will... :-) Hugs

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    1. I'm not sure what Nick will respond to Terps. I don't know what works best for me, cause so far nothing has.

      Delete
  14. PK, definitely some similar things going on here. Hopefully, Nick will read this and understand a little more about why you may be struggling (I think someone else posted the same). I'm trying to lose some weight too, maybe we could all start a weight loss dd club lol I don't know but keep us posted.

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    1. Sassafrass,
      I ask him to read it, but we haven't had any time to talk. I think he'll read it since I asked. I've had so many bloggers share that they are trying to lose too - maybe blogging make us fat.

      Delete
  15. Anonymous3:14 PM

    PK,
    I've never commented before but I do read. I have done one very simple thing that has changed my eating habits for ever and has resulted in a very, very slow downward change in weight for the last eight months. I have lost about a stone and half and my weight loss seems to be continuing - just very, very slowly. But I don't care. I love what I eat and I never have to think about what I eat. It might not be for you but this is the first non-dieting weight loss I have experienced in my thirty plus years of adulthood. It is however radical, radical, radical.

    I stopped eating between meals. If you had told me eight months ago that I would ever have been able to go a week without eating between meals I would have said you were talking rubbish. I have eaten five or six times a day my whole life long and used to experience terrible hunger pains whenever I went more than a couple of hours without eating. I really didn't think I could do it. But, in despair at the ever increasing weight on the scales and the return of comfort eating with the dark days of winter, I was willing to give it a try. And it has been the easiest thing I have ever done. The first day was a little tricky, but by day three I couldn't understand why snacks were ever invented.

    I eat two or three meals a day, two usually at the weekend, three on school days. I eat whatever I please (and I mean whatever, no diet rules for me whatsoever.) I stop eating when I'm full, usually after a lovely cup of tea. I drink a cup of tea with milk whenever I feel hungry between meals and I find that the hunger quickly disappears. If I can't have a cup of tea, because I'm driving say, I eat a piece of sugar free gum and it has the same effect.

    I no longer eat the staffroom sweeties at break time, but I do tuck in at lunch. I miss out on nothing and I get to enjoy every bite I eat. I never feel guilty or bad or sad and slowly, slowly, slowly I am getting my life back. I decided to do this on my own, without consulting any books or websites, but later found a really interesting, hospital-based website called hungerhormones which explains the science behind three meals a day and the body's ability to lose fat without hunger.

    I would highly recommend you try it. It might not be for you. But it won't cost you anything and if, after a few days you find it's not working out for you, then you've lost absolutely nothing! And if it does work, well you will be on your way to a lifetime of peace about your body weight, just like me!!
    Good luck!
    N

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    Replies
    1. N, thank you for commenting - you jogged my memory. I have done this before and it did work. I didn't keep it up that long. but it did work. I do snack a lot now and it is hard to picture stopping but, like I said it did work. I'm going to have to give this a lot of thought.

      Delete
  16. Well, the first thing that comes to mind is since you want to be spanked, maybe it should be sort of a reward for losing rather than a deterrent to eating. Maybe you can tie the number of times a week a spanking occurs to how well you stick to your eating plan (if you don't stick to the plan, you don't get spanked or you get spanked less). If you download a free app called My Fitness Pal http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ you can track your calories. The spankings shouldn't be tied to weight loss, but rather to how closely you stick to the plan. Nick can be your personal coach, sort of to give encouragement spankings that are just a bit more than he thinks you want.

    The other suggestion I would make is to hire a personal trainer (I know it's expensive, but they have group training session too, which make is much more affordable). If you have someone to meet who will help you workout, maybe you will be more likely to stick to it, or find a friend to walk with at lunch.

    Finally, make a commitment to never, ever park near the door you will be entering, rather, park as far away as possible so that you walk a bit more than you have been. Another thing you might try is whenever you eat or go out to eat, take half the food and put it in a container (or take out container) and don't eat that half.

    It is a hard thing to change habits, but it sounds like you are at the point of really wanting to do something. I wish you good luck and lots of motivational spankings!

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    Replies
    1. Cygnet,
      You have some really good suggestions here. I'm sure I could hire a personal trainer at my gym. There is one girl there I really like, but I've taken a few of her classes and I thought I would die. A program for me would have to be adjusted of course.

      The idea of reward spanking, while making so much sense, has just never worked for me. You have some good suggestions here and I am paying attention.

      Delete
    2. LOL...maybe you can look at the spankings as coming from "Coach Nick"...have you ever done any sports? Having your coach pacing around ordering you to do more pushups or in my case another lap of running is WAY not a reward, but it is not a punishment either, it is a good coach pushing me past the point of uncomfortableness to get me to where I want to be. Do you think that mindset might work? By the way, I have read the suggestions with interest...I think I might try to green tea...hmmm.... :-)

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    3. I've never done any sports. And I'm no spring chicken any more. But Nick's read it too so we'll see.

      Delete
  17. Why not use your blog? That is what I did. Set up a challenge for yourself and post what you have done once a week.

    The most difficult thing for me, but actually the most rewarding with the greatest results was drinking those darn 8 glasses of water a day ( heck you'll get exercise just going pee the first two weeks). In less than 2 weeks of starting the water thing, I lost 6 'points' ( is that what they are called? ) with my blood pressure. Another bonus of the 8 glasses of water thing- there is NO ROOM for donuts! I slept better. I had more energy. My crows feet diminished.

    The greatest success I have had over the years is to set an end date. My last one was the 40 days of Lent. Chances are you'll continue on your own past then. The other thing I found success with, was starting with ONE thing- ie the water. Give that a couple of weeks then add exercise to that.

    You can do it.
    willie

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    1. Wilma,
      I did use my blog once way back - mostly when I was doing good. But feeling like I let everyone who was encouraging me down made me feel even worse. The water is another good place to start - like N mentioned about drinking tea ( I'm not a tea drinker but I like a little coffee) I know plain water is better, but I could count the coffee in with the water. Thanks for coming by.

      Delete
  18. I know it is really, really hard to stay motivated until you actually start to see results. But, when you do start to see the scale move down or your pants fit just a tad looser, (and you will if you make a real effort), that really goes a long way towards getting you to stick with an exercise routine. I agree with the comment above about not snacking between meals too. That one thing made a HUGE difference for me. It's hard to believe, but after a week or so, you don't even want to snack anymore. Also, how do you feel about green tea? It can speed up your metabolism enough to lose weight. I don't usually drink it hot, I just make a pitcher and drink it iced like I would Lipton. I love the taste and drink it all day. I lost 10 pounds without even trying when I started drinking it. Really. Good luck!

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    1. Hey Queenie, That sounds great - I wish I was a tea drinker. I don't like tea at all, some coffee. You really think I won't miss those snacks, they seem like a way of life right now. I'm going to have to truly give this a try.

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  19. I am enjoying reading everyone's comments as improving my health is something I am continually striving towards. I find I need to have snacks - healthy snacks throughout the day and that helps me along with the writing down what I eat and exercising plus drinking lots of water, but I still haven't found the perfect thing that works for me yet. I am going to try Queenie's suggestion of green tea - easy and can't hurt. :-)

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    Replies
    1. Isn't it wonderful how every one really tries to help each other.

      Delete
  20. One thing that trends to work well is joining weight watchers our something similar, where you get together and talk about your week and weigh in. It tends to become a competition and its embarrassing to go and tell everyone if you didn't have very good self control, so its good motivation not to over indulge. Have you tried swimming? Its a great workout and easier on the joints. You can also make really healthy smoothies that taste like treats but keep you full. My fave is spinach, berries, pineapple and mango with yogurt and coconut water. It will really fill you up and its delicious :-)

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    1. River Wild,
      The first two times I went to WW I lost 13 pounds and then got pregnant - sure as hell don't want THAT to happen again! I've done ok with it on line. I never felt comfortable in the meetings. We do have a pool and we just got it opened so maybe, maybe I'll get with it this summer. I've never tried smoothies, but it doesn't sound bad.

      Delete
  21. Hey PK...no wise words from me...I exercise and watch what I eat and still can't lose a blasted pound!

    Hopefully you and Nick can work something out...sending lots of positive energy!

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Cat thank you for coming by. It surely isn't easy as we all know.

      Delete
  22. I just want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to come here and offer advice and support. You are all special and I really do appreciate it. I will keep you all informed.

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  23. Pk, you're absolutely right. This is your problem and not Nicks.
    Pk, one sees clearly that the gym is not working for you. Stop it. I'm also such who can not go to the gym. But I try to walk. Have you tried Nordic walking?
    Create a group of friends, or neighbors three four people together and walk together. Or a group of Blog Land, and every day we can report one another how it goes.
    Then, I would suggest that for my children ... lol .. ok, peace, I'm just kidding.
    Zero tolerance for sweet stuff. Non, Nada, Zero. This eliminates the need to think if you took too much or too little, and now I had another one ... you know what I mean.
    Give yourself some time, a month of prohibition of eating sweet things and if you can manage it, ask for the reward. Travel? A weekend of writing? Something.
    Best of luck.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nordic_walking

    Hugs,
    Mona Lisa

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    Replies
    1. It's confusing - the gym has worked when I went religiously. But I still hate it. I've know I wouldn't stay on a no sweets at all diet for any length of time. But I thank you all for your suggestions and I'm looking at what combination would work for me.

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  24. Have you thought about writing down everything you eat as a way of making you more aware of what you eat. And if you don't like going to the gym, how about taking walks? You also probably can't eliminate sweets because u need a treat now and then. Also maybe Nick can make a spanking part of his morning routine. brush his teeth and spanking. And how about drinking Sparkling Ice water in several flavors. Has a taste but zero calories. Anyway, good luck and let us know how you are doing.

    You know we are all thinking of you.

    FD

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    Replies
    1. FD, I always feel your support and I appreciate it. I've started something new today. I won't talk about it just yet, but I'm hoping it's going to help. If I stick with it a while I'll let everyone know what I'm trying. You have some good suggestions.

      Delete
  25. Its probably the refined sugar. When you eat sugar it makes you crave more. Sugar also can cause the joint pain you are experiencing. You might try going without for a week or two and see if you notice your cravings and pain going away.

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    Replies
    1. Trust,
      Right now I just can't imagine me making that drastic a change. But it may be what I'm eventually going to have to do. Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  26. I've got nuttin' to add....just wanted you to know I'm here reading.

    ReplyDelete