I often come here to help sort out what I'm thinking and often you guys help me to understand. I hope you'll help with this. My confusion today is about jealously. I need someone to explain the concept to me. I’m not kidding I honestly don’t understand. I have many friends both here and in real life where jealously is a real and serious problem in their lives. Here is the way I see it - tell me where I’m wrong.
Nick and I love each other and we are still together after 28 years for one reason – we want to be together. If Nick suddenly decided there was another woman he wanted to be with more than me there is not one thing I could do about it. I could tell him I still loved him, I could see if there were problems in our marriage that we could work on, I could cry, I could possible even beg. But even if those things ‘worked’ what would that get me except a man staying with me out of guilt when he really wanted to be with someone else? Who could possible want that? Don’t get me wrong. If Nick left me I would be devastated, hurt, angry, the works, but that’s different from being jealous. Jealously seems to be when you’re scared every time they are out of your sight that they are going to be with someone else. To tell you the truth that has never once occurred to me. Should he ever leave I would be totally blindsided. But I won’t waste any time on jealously. Honestly if I were with a man who I felt would cheat on me, my first thought would be "She can have him", because I sure as hell wouldn't want him.
The exact same thing goes for me. If there was a man I loved more than Nick (fat chance of that!) and I wanted to be with that person then I’d leave Nick and go. There wouldn’t be any way to stop me. So this is why I don’t understand the whole jealously thing. If you’re with someone isn’t it because you want to be?
I once had a friend whose husband cheated on her multiple times. When she would find out she would be furious and swear revenge – against the other woman. I never got that. Don’t get me wrong, I have little compassion or understanding for a woman who runs around with a married man. But had it been me, my fury would have been directed pretty much totally at the husband! He was the one who held her hand before God and their friends and promised that he would be faithful to her – that other woman hadn’t promised her a darn thing. In the case of my friend at least one of the women didn’t even know the guy was married. But the husband knew, he made the choice to cheat on his wife and I always felt she put the blame on the wrong person.
I know that this is a serious problem for many and I don’t mean to make light of it. But I really don’t understand it. What am I leaving out of my thinking?