a little break through

I have a lot to talk about – several post I’d say. But I’ll tell you about the spanking part of my life in this one. I’ve told you I’ve been a little down and for me that means quiet and withdrawn at home. I’ll have good days and bad days but never seeming to become ‘PK’ which is who I am when I’m feeling my best.

Nick sent me an email pretty much telling me he missed his wife and wanted to know if there was anything he could do to help. I emailed back and told him some things and linked him back to a few posts. I talked a little about all the different kinds of spankings – stress relief, motivational, maintenance, discipline, erotic and just for fun, like ‘you didn’t jump up and curtsy when I came into the room so I’m going to spank you.’ I reminded him that for me to feel balanced I needed some of each type and I need them regularly – even when I don’t act like I want them.

When I remind Nick of these things he is very good about stepping up to the plate and sometimes he sees thing in ways I haven’t. We did some shopping yesterday and when we got home we happened to have the house to ourselves. We were headed out to the yard when he stopped me and said we needed to talk. With that he bent me over a chair and I quickly realized what kind of talk it was going to be.

He had our lovely paddle (from the masthead) and he started quite firmly over my jeans. It felt good after so long but it was creating a pretty good sting at the same time. He was talking and I like that. He was mentioning some stuff from my posts about the sneaking snacks here and at school that I didn’t need. Eating chips at lunch – probably not the best for my BP, and a few other things.

Sometime while he was spanking – and I don’t know if he said it exactly or I just realized it but I do a lot of things that Nick has asked me or told me not to do. When that happens I feel guilty but I would never tell him about what I’ve done. There are two reasons I don’t tell on myself. The first one is that I don’t want him to know I did it - duh! Like eating candy at school or snacking in my chair, but the other reason I don’t confess is that I think he would see it as a form of bratting. You know like “You told me not to eat in my chair but I did it anyway so what you gonna do about it?” I think he would see spanking then as a reward for the bratting. So I keep my mouth shut. But then I feel guilty about the whole mess. I am thinking now that the guilty feelings are more significant that I had first thought. I know that make it makes me even quieter and more withdrawn. So if you want to be an honest spanko and tell your SO what you’ve done how do you do it with out seeming like you’re taunting? I’ll take suggestions.

Maybe I need to suggest one more kind of spanking – a confessional spanking. I guess this would be close to maintenance but if we had a time each week scheduled for a spanking then maybe I could get all my little guilt secrets out in the open. I mean he will already be spanking – so sometimes it will just be a good girl reconnection spanking but if there is something I do need to get off my chest then I can tell him with out feeling like I am trying to push him into spanking when he might not want to.

The spanking I got Friday afternoon was interrupted when Mollie came home early but Nick told me it wasn’t over. If we ever have some time alone I guess (hope)I have more coming.

I’m feeling better even with this little progress. I guess it take something important to penetrate my gloom about school. Something as important as the spanking part of our relationship and the realization that Nick won’t let me be quiet and out of it too long without doing something about it. My problems haven't vanished with this short spanking but it sure is nice to have some good things to think about.