I am spend yesterday morning at the OB-Gyn, paps smear, stirrups, breast exams, blood draws, nosy questions – oh well, beats working. They have scheduled me for a bone density test, a mammogram and a colonoscopy, see what all I have to look forward to? It’s hell getting old and I’m not even there yet.
I did mention to her that I have been having some problems with depression on and off. I barely got the words out of my mouth before she offered to write me a prescription for something. Now I don’t want to get in the middle of a ‘should you or shouldn’t you take antidepressants’. I have a friend I love who swears she will take them for the rest of her life and that I wouldn’t want to be around her if she didn’t. Another well loved friend just agreed to try some medication after doing her best for years to avoid it. She has been extremely happy with her results so I’m not against taking something but the doctor just jumped to that so fast. I mean she only sees me once a year, she doesn’t really know me. I was hoping she might have other suggestions first.
After I explained I wasn’t really ready to try that yet she suggested St. John’s Wort – anyone out there know anything about this? I may call my counselor again. I saw her for about a year 25 years ago then when I really needed some help last year I called her up again and low and behold she was still practicing. But after a two hour visit and the suggestion I come back in a month, I never did. Instead I have imaginary conversations with her like I do with Nick sometimes. I rather imagine she would be pissed about this. She would probably like to speak for herself – but this usually works for me.
It’s strange – one minute I honestly feel I am the most normal person in the world with no reason what-so-ever to need to ‘talk’ with someone. The next minute I find myself in tears over nothing feeling that I’ll never feel happy again. This has happened all my life but to a lesser degree – maybe once or twice a year, where now it’s happening once or twice a month. I really don’t think its menopause. I’m three years into/beyond and it’s just never bothered me.
And now on to the always fun – diet update! Alright explain this to me. I have been working extra hard at the gym this week. I need to get in my hours for the challenge and I have taken several classes – core, Zumba, which is a Latin dance class and a water aerobics class too. I have eaten salad for lunch and cereal for supper. So tell me how I gained 1.4 pounds last week. Never mind, don’t tell me. It doesn’t matter. It happens. Strangely I’m not discouraged. I’ll try again next week.