I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Ok, so I had something to say after all.


I feel a strong urge to post tonight. I don’t know what I want to say. Everyone says they blog for themselves, what they want to write, when they feel like writing and in a way that is true. I write what I want to write I am not necessarily trying to please anyone but I also post for contacts. I like getting comments and I love it when someone new stops by with something to say. I love commenting on other people's sites.

I am sure Nick thinks I am a little obsessed with blogging although he doesn’t complain much because he reaps the benefits too. Mollie rolls her eyes and says “addicted” when she sees me pick up the computer. I know myself that I feel very unsettled if I can’t get to my computer for long periods of time, although I am not as bad as when I first started.

I just enjoy the people. Someone said once it was like talking over the back fence. I have bunches of friends in the real world. I like my family, immediate and extended. I like the people at church and I like the people I work with. We talk but it’s like Cassie said this is one of the few places I feel like myself. Close friends, really close friends well, in real life it’s been a while. I guess as I was walling myself off from Nick everyone else got shut out too.

So now as I work to tear down the walls and let people in I have been surprised at the uneven flood of emotions. Letting people into you life does leave you vulnerable. You start caring. Maybe that is what I was shutting out before. Sometimes it seems to squeeze my heart and it hurts. I worried about Grace when she was sick, I worry about CeeCi business, I worry if MrC is going to come around, I worry that Paul’s internet connection will go down for a couple of days and we will all panic, I worry that everyone else will get tired of blogging and go away before I do, I worry when Cassie gets herself in trouble, I worry about Dante’s back, I worry that Michael will go to college in California and I worry that Eva’s pup will eat the crop.

So why do it for goodness sakes? Why not close the computer and walk away? Funny thing is I have never been a worrier before and now here I am. Is it really worth it? You’re damn right it is! I wouldn’t have miss knowing any of you for the world. Blogging gave me my new and improved relationship with Nick. It gave me friends that care about me and allow me to be myself. And it gave me friends that I care deeply about. Yes, it’s worth it.

14 comments:

  1. Anonymous7:16 AM

    Thanks for saying something, Elis! I have said it before but I'll say it again. I am so grateful that there are intelligent women out there who have taken the time to chat it up with each other about everyday issues and issues we, once, only thought about. When I originally found all of you the subject was the same. We've all branched out and shared pieces of our lives, be it the weather, birthdays or other issues.

    You, Eva, Theresa, CeeCi, Grace, Paul, and the rest of the group can make me smile, make me worry, make me laugh....I could go on and on, but, I am glad you're all here.

    It's a good thing, Elis. Have a great day.

    Debbie :)

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  2. Well thanks for worrying about us. This place would not be the same without you in it!

    Huggs
    Theresa

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  3. I AGREE WITH EVERYONE.THE PLACE WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT EVERYBODY. I HAVEN'T BEEN COMMENTING AS LONG AS I HAVE BEEN READING THE BLOGS BUT I THINK IT'S AMAZING TO FEEL LIKE YOU KNOW ALL OF THESE PEOPLE YOU HAVE NEVER MEANT. (AND IN MOST CASES NEVER WILL). I FIND MYSELF WONDERING CASSIE ..WHAT ARE YOU DOING..AND IF PAUL DIDN'T POST FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS..IS HE ALRIGHT..DANTE SHOULD STAY IN BED ONE MORE DAY. IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU GUYS I WOULDN'T HAVE ENDED UP IN THE CLOSET WITH TIGGR AND WHERE WOULD THE WORLD BE WITHOUT THAT BOUNCY ONE! IT IS QUITE ADDICTIVE AND FUN.I LOVE THE WAY YOU EVA TORMENT EACH OTHER. EVERYONE KNOWS DAVID IS ADDICTED AND LOVES IT! HAVE A GREAT DAY!

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  4. Oh, my sweet, furry friend... YOU are the best! You and all my other friends here... and like you, I alienated all my real-life friends, and my husband, so for me, starting off here was really like starting from scratch.

    And I've grown and evolved and survived and smiled and laughed and cried not only because of you all but with you all more times than I could ever count.

    It is indeed worth all of it...

    Love you so,
    Tiggs

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  5. I can't add anymore to what they've said, except my own "thanks for thinking of us" and y'all are on my mind quite often too! (like when I know I should be working, but y'all drag me in here! *g*

    ~Hugs and have a great weekend!

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  6. Mistress Sky2:39 PM

    I lead a very busy life, but I class you lot as my friends...we share stuff that we probably, in all honesty, couldn't share with anyone else. It's so liberating to voice your opinion and share those thoughts and experiences. Long live blogging and I remain loyal to you Elis (PK!!). I get here when I can and I like what I read hun!! Give Eva my love will you?!

    Hugggggssssssss
    Sky

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  7. Oh PK! It's nice to know I'm not the only worrier in the bunch!

    HUGS!
    grace
    (who is going to the doctor on Wed.)

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  8. PK, I've recently gone wireless, hopefully I shouldn't lose connection, if it happened, I'd hate it.
    You all mean so much to me, when Mel died, that was it, my world got very small, and I was very lonely.
    Since finding my way to this corner of blog-land I am no longer lonely. I have friends who I understand and who understand me and I love you all, thank you so much for being you and caring.
    Warm hugs,
    Paul.

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  9. Twin~ It's nice to worry and be worried over by such a fantastic group of people. I never dreamed there would be somewhere that I could be who I am and it's okay... especially since my mood can change from one day to the next. There's still a lack of spanking in our house but I keep coming back here. I can't imagine not hanging out with all of you. I'd like to know when Debbie's going to start her own blog though!!!

    Hugs~
    Eva

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  10. I agree with everything every one has said and everything you said. I feel close to you guys and love talking and emailing with all of you. I look before I look at my regular email at my yahoo one to see if I got one from you guys. I feel so open with you, so comfortable with you. Oh how I wish I could blog, but that will happen some day. I worry too about everyone. I worried and prayed for Grace, and others! I have two friends that are really really close and know my "kink" but even then, they don't understand. They don't understand the ups the downs, the emotions, the needs. Even PS doesn't fully understand at times. You guys do. It is a highlight of my day hearing from you via email, and reading all of the blogs and commenting...

    Thanks for being there!

    Carye

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  11. PK,
    I do feel the same way about all my friends here. I have the four close friend that I have know but even they done know as much about me as you all do. This is so much fun!

    Mthc I just wanted you to know we have something in common. I too sometimes sit around and wonder to myself 'Cassie, what are you doing?' LOL

    Love,
    Cassie

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  12. Debbie,
    I love hearing from you! I love that spanking brought us all together as much as I love the fact that we care about so many things.

    Theresa,
    I remember your first few posts and how much I wanted to get to know you.

    Mthc,
    You and David add a lot out here. I find it very hard not to talk about everyone out here in RL. Often I do. My real life friends know I have a group of on line friends.

    Tig,
    I like the fact that this is where we meet. We choose to communicate with each other. We don't work together, we aren't neighbors we are friends because we like what we have to say.

    Maggie,
    I would even say you guys have crossed my mind at work. Although I check the blogs at school, that's for sure!!

    SKY!!!
    So good to see you here! When ever I mentioned my on line friends I always tell that I have a couple of good friends in the UK!

    Grace,
    Now you know why I like it when you post regularly, I don't have to worry so much! We will hear from you Wed. afternoon or Thursday morning, right?

    Paul,
    You are so loved here. If you ever need to be away be sure to tell us or have someone get word to us! We would worry!!

    Eva,
    Like I said to Debbie our love of spanking brought us all together but love and respect keep us together. I do not want to picture life without you guys!!

    Carye,
    I am so like you. This is the email account that I always check first because this is the one with the people I care about. I am also looking forward to the time when you can blog!

    Cassie,
    You are the most wonderful woman! You are always a bright stop out here. And one of the funniest ladies I know!

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  13. Hey, PK, I'm catching up again, this is a very nice post! I'm still getting to "know" people in bloggerland but I do appreciate y'all being so friendly and making comments on my blog!

    Huggs,
    Reesa

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  14. You're so sweet and I'm so freakin' tired I can't think of anything else to say...other than I probably don't tell you often enough how very grateful I am to have you in my life!

    ciao bella~
    CeeCi

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