I hope he keeps asking

What do you do when you want to post and you just have nothing to post about. Most of my friends who blog out here have the sense to hush if they don’t have anything to say. But something compels me to post even when I’ve got nothing.

It’s not a bad nothing. Nick and I are still communicating. We’re listening to one another and we’re being truthful about how we’re feeling. We’re taking it slowly and we’re going to see what’s gonna happen.

This is part of one email I sent him:

When I get lost in depression is when we haven’t had any TTWD in weeks and week or even mention it. No text, no emails. There’s no threats, jokes, teasing, pointing out implements to one another – all of that helps me so that we are not just another ordinary old couple. I’ll try to keep up my side, but you’re 50% of this and I need you to do your part. You can tell me what you’re thinking, ask me what I’m thinking… there are a million things we could do to not be ordinary/vanilla.

If I do get to that point, like I was a couple of weeks ago, I really do shut down. And when it goes on long enough I just feel like I tried to explain – I want to give up and not even try. It’s like medicine. Consider TTWD as my antidepressant drug. Even though I need it, I can’t take the medicine by myself. And if I go without it for long periods of time, I don’t want to take it anymore. Sometimes I’m scared I’ll get to the point of refusing to take the medication if I’m off it long enough. I don’t think that would be good, but I don’t think you’d force it either.

He has done some emailing and asking questions. If he keeps asking I’ll keep thinking and talking. That is very important to me, him asking. Right now, he wants to know what’s going on in my head. Maybe he always wants to know. But when he forgets to ask, I have a very hard time sharing. I hope he keeps asking.