I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Monday, April 30, 2018

Dog gone it!

Maybe it would have been better if I’d had two sons. All and all, LJ was a piece of cake to raise and has given me few worries. That is after I got used to the idea he was serious about living in New York City. Mollie on the other hand is driving me nuts! Is it girls? Or is it just me?



Long time readers will already know, but to new readers – please take my complaining with a grain of salt. Let me state first and foremost, my kids are nearly perfect. They made it through childhood with no serious illnesses, no broken bones and no stitches. We had no calls from principals or police. Both finished college and are now gainfully employed, living in their own homes and do not ask for money. So according to what I see in the world today, I have NO reason to complain about my kids. That being said, Mollie is still driving me nuts!

LJ calls once a week to talk with me. We enjoy our ‘visits’ and he’ll tell me what’s going on in his life. He doesn’t ask me anything before he makes a decision in his life and I rarely offer an opinion. He and his husband live their lives with no interference from me. They don’t ask for advice and I don’t give it.

And then there’s Mollie. She asks for my opinion for most of the decisions she makes. She seems to want to know what I’m thinking. Many of these questions are about teaching and how to handle kids and parents. I feel I have good advice to give her along these lines and she often takes it.

But on other things she just wants my opinion and then does what she’d already decided to do in the first place. That’s fine, she’s grown. But why does she ask me if she won’t listen to anything I suggest?  Why won’t she just do it and keep me out of the decision agony!

She wanted a house. I didn’t think the timing was right and that the expense of homeownership on her own would be more than she was imagining. She bought a house and loves it. But the expenses are more than she bargained for.

She wanted a kitten. I didn’t say as much about this. I knew she wanted a companion and I understood that. I still wanted her to come spend the night here
occasionally and I knew that would mean bringing the cat back and forth. When a friend found a tiny stray… I got another grand cat. And this grand cat come when Mollie comes. And the friggin’ cat hates me! If I tried to pick it up or pet it while it’s here I think it would eat me alive.

And now… can you feel what’s coming next… yep, she wants a damn dog! A yapping, chewing, peeing and pooping machine! And not a little one. Oh, no. She wants a Golden Retriever. Okay, this is my fault. After working with for a vet for eight years as my first career, a Golden is about the only type of dog I’d want for my very own. We had one while she was growing up so that’s what she wants.

Ignoring all the puppy problems and expense she’ll have to deal with while working full time. I had one big concern and when she asked me I laid my concerns out. After pointing out the chewing, digging, barking, housetraining problems I told her my real concern.

This is my worry – this is a time of life I want you to have your freedom. I want you to be able to go on day trips to the mountains or the city to shop. I want you to be able to run to the beach for a weekend on the spur of the moment, visit your friend at college or spend a few days in NYC with LJ and Collin. Yes, of course we’d try to help some, but it’s not high on my list to be taking a puppy out at six AM on a cold rainy morning. As for boarding, most kennels are very expensive and BTW, dogs hate them.

But it’s more that you just being able to travel. I want you to feel comfortable going out to eat with friends and staying as long as you want. Going to spend the afternoon with your friends at the pool and coming home long enough to change and going back out for dinner and a movie without having extreme guilt pains. You are thinking of adopting a baby – and a pack animal. Dogs need to be around people. Yes, you’ll be off this summer, but school will begin again and the dog would be less than six months old. I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay home with her in the evening if you’ve been away all day. I want you to have a life. Yes, you can take her to walk (daily, a real walk) and you can take her to the pub, but movies, restaurants, shopping – that’s where you need to be, out with people not staying in because of the dog.

This letter isn’t to try and decide for you. It’s only to get you thinking. You’re an adult now – whether you deny it or not. Don’t give, ‘But she’s so cute!’ more power than logically thinking about the long term. You can decide any day of your life to get a dog – now or a year from now or twenty years from now. But once you get one, you’ve made a ten to fifteen-year commitment, food, medical treatment, exercise, grooming and of course, love. It’s a life change that takes thought.

See, I even write to her, because I think I can be more clear in writing than when I can see her getting ready to say, “Yes, but…”

This is not the time for her to get a damn dog! I think I spelled out the reasons simply and clearly. 

Sigh…

I’m pretty sure I’ll be posting a picture of my grand dog soon.

22 comments:

  1. Oh Dear PK, I am with you. She doesn't need a dog until she has a husband to help her with it! Yes I know that is sexist but they are expensive, a lot of work and you can't leave them alone for five minutes without trouble. I am scared of dogs actually so they would never be my first choice, I do wonder of it i fair to have a dog when you are out all day at work too.
    Love Jan, xx

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    1. I love dogs, but not for her at this time. I do love Goldens especially. That's why Cassie has one! But they are so much easier in fiction.

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  2. PK - Sounds to me like you have a daughter who values your opinion very much; not only as a mother but as a friend as well. You've raised a girl who is smart enough to get the opinion of someone she respects but also who is strong enough to make her own decisions in the end. Not a bad thing on either account. Enjoy the fact that she includes you and don't stress about whether or not she follows your advice. After all, we learn from our mistakes, right?
    Amy

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    1. I am happy that she talks with me and values my opinion. And I'm glad she makes her own decisions - but this time I want her to listen to me.

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  3. Hi PK,

    What Amy said lol. She said it so well. I can definitely understand your concern. Having owned dogs previously, they are a huge commitment and take a lot of time and energy.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. She has the energy. The time has me worried. But she's 25 and it's her decision.

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  4. PK, It's lovely that she bounces her ideas off you even though she does her own thing after:) I think you gave Mollie sound advice, having a dog is a huge commitment.

    Will be interested to see what she decides.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. It would be easier on me if she'd just showed up with a puppy. Then I wouldn't have had to think of all the arguments against.

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  5. It is still not the right time for me to get a dog... :-) You can love your kids to pieces, know how blessed you are by them...and they can still drive you crazy sometimes! :-) I personally know I used to drive my mom nuts asking her advice on EVERYTHING even as a young adult...and then do my own thing. :-) I still look to her as my confidant though I don't ask for her opinion as much anymore. My brothers were much more independent in their early adulthood. My own kids, my daughter is definitely more vocal than my son expressing feelings but she seems to know what she wants so maybe it will be different for her. Time will tell. There is no doubt how much you love your children and I think your advice about owning a dog at this point in her life was very thoughtful and true. Hugs

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    1. Yeah, I did the same thing to my mom. Maybe most of us did. If this was hard what am I going to do when she ask my opinion on a man some day?

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  6. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you probably will. Laughing, girls do listen but that's what they do, listen, not do. Been there, done that.

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    1. Exactly! Frustrating, but true!

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  7. My daughter asks for my opinion all the time and rarely follows my advice. Must be a girl thing. Oh well, enjoy the grand dog.

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    1. I probably will playing with one soon. Sigh... It's a good thing we love them so much.

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  8. Oh my goodness! This is NOT the right time for her to have a dog! You gave her all the right reasons. My parents got a dog when in their 70s. They'd had plenty of experience in the past so felt secure in their decision. HOWEVER, just like Mollie, they were on their own now and had a life. The beautiful black lab needed people around and when she was home alone, she chewed up everything she could--even the corners of kitchen cabinets. After three years of this (they kept being told she'd settle down soon) they had their vet find a home with plenty of land and children to give her to. It broke their hearts. A dog needs so much more than your feelings of affection. It's just not fair to the dog and she would feel so guilty resenting it. And giving up a pet that you've come to love is devastating. She needs to wait. I hope she listens to you.
    Rosie Dee

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    1. I hope she does too, but I'm feeling she won't. In all honesty she has a wonderful place for a dog - she has over an acre and a half and two large areas are fenced already.

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  9. Hi PK,
    I'm new to your blog. I have a few daughters- all still small compared to yours- but compared to the boy I would agree that they are a challenge. I'm so not ready for the older ones! I get teased often that I've got it coming!

    Jlynne

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    1. Jlynne - I'm so happy to have you here. I hope you'll drop by often. From age of one, when she learned to walk, Mollie and I butted heads, about everything! Since she turned eleven, we rarely had any cross words. So strange, but true. She's great, but I don't think she's right on this one.

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  10. Quite a dilemma, PK! I agree with your reasoning but it does sound as though you’ll have a grand dog to play with soon.
    Rosie xx

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    1. I think you're right, Rosie. Nothing I can do but accept it.

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  11. I love the last line, it had me laughing. Its probably a good thing that you’ve practically resolved yourself to being a puppy grandma at this point. I wish you a lot of luck with that!

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    1. I know she wants something to 'baby'. Maybe I should be glad its a dog!

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