I have been a wife and mother for over twenty years. Now I am becoming my husband's lover, too.
We owe it all to my fellow bloggers who gave me the courage to come out to my husband as a spanko.
I do feel like this is a New Beginning for us.

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Wednesday, May 10, 2017

My own answers

My husband loves me. He loves me. We love each other. We don’t do everything together – we don’t have too many interest in common. We like time to ourselves. We don’t argue, we’re both laid back. If a question come up or there is a decision to be made, we discuss it and if either of us has a strong opinion about it they will have the deciding vote. We’re comfortable with one another. We can talk or be silent with one another. We have everything we need and most of what we want.



Nick was even willing to try what must have seemed like a strange request I made about eleven years ago. Spanking was never on his radar. First off you don’t hit women. Second, this was modern times. Men weren’t necessarily the ‘boss’ of the home. Marriage was a 50/50 proposal. After all we’d lived this way for twenty-three years before I suddenly sprang TTWD on him.

He tried, he’s always been willing and that counts for so much, but he is not a spanko and as hard as he’s tried he’ll never be one. After all this is my fantasy, not his. At some point I realized I’d have to give up the fantasy to embrace the reality of the wonderful man I have.

Just as I found out I wasn’t the only spanko in this world when I found the blogs, I know I can’t be the only one out here whose husband is happy with the 50/50 and has no desire to take on the leadership role many of us fantasied about growing up.

Rules and consistency aren’t important to Nick. I don’t expect spanking to stop in our marriage, but it will always be a game. I have no doubt he’s serious about me getting a handle on my health issues but we’re not going to achieve that through DD.

This might be why I don’t read out here as much as I did at one time. When I began blogging I looked everywhere for new blogs on my ‘topic’ and through that searching I found good blogs to read and in many case I found friends, good friends, real friends, I believe friends I’ll have for the rest of my life.

I enjoyed reading about their spankings, the reasons – be they fun or serious always intrigued me. I enjoyed being able to discuss the ideas that go with spanking, domestic discipline, TTWD – whatever you want to call it, in depth with other women who craved this as much as I did.

But recently I read two posts that made me think, Baker’sPost first, and then Meredith’s post. I didn’t comment on either. The way I felt reminded me of how I felt when I was trying to get pregnant, with no success, and I’d hear that another friend was pregnant – I was truly and sincerely happy for them, but I just couldn’t comment. The joy I felt for them was too sharp a contrast for the loss I felt for myself. They had something I wanted and I couldn't have it. And I just couldn't come up with anything to say. 

After I read Baker and Meredith I started answering some of the questions myself, but I stopped after three.

When did my husband become a spanko?

He never did and I know it won’t happen. It’s the same as if he desperately wanted me to change my eye color. As much as I love him, and as much as I’d want to do it for him – I can’t.

When did this go from something I wanted to something we both crave?

It never did. He enjoys the game and the closeness it’s brought us, as do I. But he’ll never crave the lifestyle as I do.

When did we slip into our roles of a traditional husband and wife?

Again, we never did. We’re equal and we’re happy with one another. But I do my thing and he does his. You can’t give submission to someone who doesn’t want it.


I realize parts of this post sound like a real downer – but I’m not down. I have a wonderful marriage with the best man I know. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I love him. I’m sure we’ll still play and I know I’ll enjoy it and I’ll still blog about it. But for my sanity and happiness I have to realize that it’s play and not reality and not let myself get upset when the game falls by the wayside.

20 comments:

  1. Hi PK, you and Nick have a wonderful relationship, he loves you.Hang onto those fun, sexy spankings. As you know, we have had lots of stops and starts with ttwd over the years and always seem to come back to spanking for fun only, although that hasn't happened in so long now. I tell a lie (sorta) just recently there have been a couple of very light spankings.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. It seemed all we've ever done is start and stop. Spanking for fun only... a little like kissing your brother. But you take what you can get.

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  2. Actually, PK, I think this post is just as beautiful as Baker's and Mere's. The honesty and love in your relationship is something many, many women never know. Nick may not be a man who loves spanking, but he loves you enough to support the time it takes for your writing. I marvel at that sort of dedication. You are a lucky woman.

    Love,
    Ella

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    1. I am very appreciative of the time he gives me for my hobby/career. No one's perfect - I'm living proof of that.

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  3. It's 7 AM where I live and I am having my wake-up cup of tea. I had to comment right away because the description of your relationship with Nick mirrors mine with my husband so closely. As you know from emails we have shared, spankings help me with stress, with guilt when I have been grumpy or mouthy, and lead the way to some hot sex when they happen. It will never be frequent enough or disciplinary enough here though. I used to read so many blogs, but found myself feeling down afterwards. Now I only read a few blogs and certain spanking book authors. However, I don't think I could answer to any partner for my activities the way many wives do and my husband would not want me checking in with him all day long. I know not every ttwd household does that, but it sounds like many do.So I will try to enjoy the relationship we have and not compare it with others. Thanks for your heartfelt post.

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    1. I knew we were similar in how our relationships were. I've never wanted to be micro-managed... I wanted, something else that I guess I couldn't explain or he couldn't do.

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  4. PK - If you change Nick's name to Ray, I could use this as a post. I came to this conclusion a couple of years ago and although I wish it were different, I know too I wouldn't be good at it.
    We love each other, respect each other and have the marriage that's right for us. We are as lucky as those we may be a wee bit jealous of but it's possible that no matter what we think, it probably wouldn't be right for us. After much thought, I know I only want that when I want it - not as a steady diet.
    I'm rambling so I'll stop now. You have a wonderful husband and marriage and that's really what it's all about.

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    1. I know. I know. You and I both have great marriages with super men. I could never live like Cassie, I never wanted to try. I couldn't take it. I have other things I want to say but I feel I'd be rambling on a little myself.

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  5. PK,
    I loved your post. I'm with Ella, it's simply beautiful. I am envious of others too at times for different reasons, but would never want to trade my marriage or man for anything or anyone. I think it a blessing to find peace and genuinely true love in your marriage whether it's with DD, ttwd, vanilla, whatever. You've found bliss, that is rare.
    --Baker

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    1. No, I'd never ever trade Nick for anyone in the world. He is the only man for me.

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  6. Hi PK, it is so very hard to reconcile our dreams and fantasies with reality. For Mumski spanking is out there as break from everyday life and a complete role reversal from worries about family, job, the world. I take this break whenever it happens because it makes her happy....not to assert any authority, rules or expectation.
    Any partnership based on love, commitment and commitment may have us do things we don't understand, but ultimately that happiness overshadows any grasping for things we are not.
    I loved this post as it comes from strength and shouts out to the world enduring love outshines all.

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    1. I understand what you're saying. It's a good way to do TTWD. I'm fighting the urge to explain exactly what I wanted or wished for, because over the past decade I think I've said everything that can be said. Bottom line, I love my husband.

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  7. Sorry...meant commitment and contentment. So hard to concentrate while fighting with a fur baby for control of the keyboard!

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    1. LOL, the way I live my life!

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  8. PK, So honest. I love your post. You know where you are now and have the most wonderful husband and relationship.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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  9. You are mature enough to accept what you do have and that is a wonderful marriage.

    FD

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    1. That may be true, but I'm not mature enough not to mentally stomp my foot and still want it.

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  10. You wrote this beautifully and you know I could have written the same sentiments myself... hugs

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  11. Deena9:40 PM

    I am just catching up reading posts and this is so timely. We are still figuring things out and I'm not sure he will every completely understand my need for TTWD. That being said, he is trying to give me some stress relief by stepping up in various ways. ok with that as everything he does is out of love. And I adore him. Thank you for sharing this.

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